After a year and a half together and tons of ups and downs, he decided he was ready to ask for a separation. Then less than a week later, after tremendous pressure from family (his 100% italian mom became a total stalker with some real boundary issues), he changed his mind!!
I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I couldn’t eat, just cried and slept and wondered how he could have possibly changed overnight. How he could choose to hurt someone that had only shown him love and unconditional support. I had become a horrible cliche and that really pissed me off. Just days after telling me how much he loves me, I’m the only woman that is securely in his heart, mind and soul and we belong together, he told me had to go to counseling with her. I had even asked him if there was anything she could say or do to change his mind and he assured me there wasn’t. He’s 45 and still so afraid of his Mother!!! It’s creepy and extremely dysfunctional.
She was fine with my existence as long as he stayed and didn’t make her look bad. She never said a word to anyone about me UNTIL he told her he was leaving. Then she went crying to her mother in law like she hasn’t known about me for almost a year!!!! That’s all she cared about. She told him she would turn his kids and his family against him and I believe this selfish, self-absorbed would do exactly that. She’s all surface and NO substance. I have spoken to her and she is as dumb as a rock and as deep as a puddle. But when he finally told her he wanted out, then she asked him to go to counseling. He had asked her over and over for the last 7 years and she refused.
I don’t think I really understood how screwed up he really is from all the years of physical (father) and mental (mother) abuse he suffered. Those are his words, not mine. Then he went and married a woman who he has never been good enough for. He has basically lived alone for years, unloved and miserable while she sleeps on the couch. The last blowjob he got from her was 19 years ago on their HONEYMOON!!!!! Picture a little 70 year old italian lady asking her son, “Not even on your birthday??” LOL Cannot make this stuff up folks.
But after all was said and done, he stayed and that was his choice. He’s a sucker and he just can’t believe he’s wasted 2 decades on a frigid narcissist with a complete lack of empathy. Last time I spoke to him was over a month ago. He said his Mom is “coaching” him and it’s helping him. I swear it sounded like he was in a cult and it was really freaky. He didn’t sound happy or helped.
I am trying to heal my heart and move on. There are good days and bad days. My husband has asked me to try and fix our marriage and I have agreed. I don’t know what will happen but I would love to repair the damage. But I am weary to trust him after so many years without physical love and intimacy. I can’t spend more years in a sexless marriage. Sex may not be everything, but it is important and necessary in some form. At least for me.