A week from tomorrow will be my 40th birthday. I have never minded growing older but this is a difficult one for me. It’s hard sometimes to just enjoy the journey of life instead of getting caught up in expectations of what your life should be. But I have faith that the best is yet to come.
The only birthday present I want from him is his continued disappearance from my life. Yes it hurts terribly but at least the pain will eventually subside. He lives in a world full of dysfunction and misery. I don’t want any part of it anymore. I owe it to both of us to find happiness elsewhere and never look back. There’s nothing there for me with him any longer. All they want is to control and manipulate for their own selfish reasons. Living with people like that would’ve driven me insane. They saw him day after day, week after week, miserable and in pain. But did they care that he was unhappy? No they didn’t and they still don’t.
That bitch of a mother is a disgrace to all mothers. She should be ashamed of herself! What kind of mother tells her son that if he leaves her for me, he will be disowned. And that he will end up a bum in the street alone. She is NOT a good mother, woman or human being. But what kind of 45 year-old man lets other people run his life and make his decisions?
I don’t think I ever really thought about the fact that all he knows about family is fear and manipulation through life-long abuse, threats, lies, and bullying. Well, I thought about it but didn’t realize what kind of damage it caused. All I have known is love, acceptance, kindness and unconditional support. It was completely naive and unrealistic to think my love and devotion could heal a lifetime of scars.