Gosh this is hard to write. Now I know why I have been avoiding it for so long.
I had always been a pretty normal, happy-go-lucky kid. Then when I was 18, I had a root canal go terribly wrong. The infection was so severe, my whole face blew up and was unrecognizable. So 2 days before I was supposed to start college (a great school about 3 hours away where I was on academic scholarship) I ended up in the ER. Then it was back home for 2 weeks of heavy antibiotics, painkillers and rest.
A few months later, I noticed I was sleeping and crying a LOT. I thought maybe it was a bad case of homesickness or PMS. But I loved college and was having a ball. My classes were great, I had a good group of friends, and I was dating this really hot and sweet junior.
Things got serious very quickly. I couldn’t get out of bed and I was just in so much pain deep inside. It was like a black hole of despair was swallowing me up. What made it worse was that there was absolutely no reason for the sadness and pain. I had no idea what was happening to me and I was quickly losing all hope. I was having horrific thoughts and nothing worked. Everyone was really kind and tried to help, but there was nothing anyone could do.
I had told my Mom but like me she figured it was just normal homesickness. I finally decided I had to tell my parents when they came up for Parents Weekend. I will never forget sitting in this little cafe, just my Mom, my Dad and I. Of course I started sobbing and shaking, cause that’s all I did during that time. My Mom hugged me and my Dad said, “Are you expecting?” I stopped crying and as one my Mom and I turned to him, utterly perplexed, and at the same time said, “Expecting what?” He thought I was pregnant and wanted me to know that they would always support me, no matter what. But no, I wasn’t even having sex. LOL
I went home that weekend and my Mom took me to our family doctor. After a bunch of tests and talking, I was eventually diagnosed with severe clinical depression caused by a chemical imbalance. Say WHAT!?!?!?! So does that mean I can’t drink at parties I asked. I really had no idea how much my whole life had just changed.
Depression runs in my Mom’s family but I am the only lucky lottery winner in my immediate family. Yay me LOL. They think between the infection, all the antibiotics, and painkillers, it triggered a genetic predisposition. Who knows?
All I know is I had to leave school and was basically a human vegetable for the next 6 months.