Loving Myself

For so long I thought it was him I was meant to love.  But it was really me I was meant to find.

I love myself and it is amazing!  It feels so good and brings me so much peace and joy.  I don’t need any man to love me.  None of us NEED someone else to love.  It’s wonderful and beautiful, but not NECESSARY to be happy.

As long as I love myself, I can be whole and happy.  I have always had a good self-image because I had parents who told me I was beautiful, special and amazing.  Which anyone with depression knows, is exactly the opposite of how you feel when you are in a depression.  I felt weak, crazy, lazy and worthless.  Even though I know I’m none of those things, it’s what the disease makes you think.  My family, most of all my parents, kept me going when I didn’t think I would be able to.

I don’t think I have really loved myself for a long time.  Definitely not since my Mom died and the last year was torture.  I kept telling myself if P loved me, I would be happy and complete.

But even when he did, I wasn’t truly whole or happy for long.  That had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me.  No one is responsible for my happiness but me.

Such a simple concept but something I had lost sight of for a while.  I’m so glad I finally remembered 🙂

21 thoughts on “Loving Myself”

      • Miss Evelyn says:
        Reply

        No, he fed on my insecurity. I believe thinking back now. It was my own mother. She has good intentions just wired incorrectly. As a child, whenever I made a simple mistake or wasn’t as quick as her, she would say, “How can you be so stupid, stupid pig, stupider than a pig, just do this, etc.” She still does this, but not as extreme. As a child, you follow your role models and now I find I need remodel my self image. I never felt I was good enough for her. I still don’t understand what she wants.

        Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:
          Reply

          I am so sad to hear that. Unfortunately, a good friend of mine has a very similar story about her mom. Moms are supposed to give us self-esteem and confidence in ourselves. I am grateful everyday that I had my amazingly kind, loving and supportive Mom for as long as I did. She would call me a brat when I was lol. But she told me everyday I was beautiful, smart, special and kind. She also said pretty girls don’t put out, so I didn’t 🙂 I always knew my own self-worth because of her and my Dad.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. hugsy89 says:
    Reply

    “But even when he did, I wasn’t truly whole or happy for long. That had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. No one is responsible for my happiness but me.”
    I totally agree! First and foremost we have to love ourselves…only if we do so can we appreciate the love given to us by others! Wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. emmagc75 says:
    Reply

    Im glad you’re realizing you already know the answers lol. Sometimes we just need a little help seeing. Hope is everything and that’s what this illness tries to take away from us. By accepting that there will be bad days, I’m able to treasure and appreciate the good ones.

    Like

  8. bipolarsojourner says:
    Reply

    I honor you and think it’s great you’ve rediscovered self-love. as you mentioned self acceptance and self love become depressed with depression. if you can send some this way or tell me exactly what you did to rediscover it :-), share it me and whomever wants to listen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:
      Reply

      I’m sending you lots of love and hugs. I’ve been reading a lot of positive/ selfhelp articles. And trying to meditate, even if for 5 min a day.

      I’ve been sick in bed all week with a bad chest cold. The antibiotics and cough syrup always depress me. But I guess it’s like leaning into a curve. I accept the depression, knowing in my heart it won’t last.

      Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarsojourner says:
        Reply

        emmagc75

        thanks for the hug. those always feel good.

        your last statement offers the most struggle for people deep in depression, or what i call despair where almost all hope disappears. the despairing feel like they had depression yesterday , have it today, and will have it again tomorrow. they can’t be talked out of it.

        i find joy that i can begin to see freedom from despair. i can now see the world through my slightly smudged glasses instead of the dark glasses that are used to look at the sun which let virtually no light through. now, i at least have a chance to see life’s possibilities.

        I am also learning the power of acceptance. despair behaves a little like quicksand; the more you wriggle, the deeper you go. it seems counterintuitive that the best way to fight despair is to not fight it, or put another way accept it. by doing that one can begin the process of moving towards freedom.

        I also have the idea of acknowledgments . an acknowledgment are words or actions that help someone become more comfortable with who and where they are. mind you, these come from your supporters to remind you that you still have value to them. by having someone else value you enough, you eventually start to value yourself. i’ve seen it work. it’s pretty cool.

        i guess I know more than I let on. sometimes when looking at myself, it clouds what i see making it easy to miss what is right in front of my nose.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:
    Reply

    Glad you remembered it too! So many mixed body image messages in social media today, easy to forget that you just need to be happy with yourself! Thanks for the reminder.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a comment