Oh Crap

So my day was going great. The sun was shining this morning and I love the people I work with. We are a family and we take care of one another. We also get on each other’s nerves sometimes but hey that’s what family does lol.

Then I got this really bad feeling that P was struggling. I have always known things that I have no way of knowing. It’s happened throughout my life and my family lovingly refers to me sometimes as the good witch. It’s only people I’m close to but it is a little bizarre, freaky and completely out of my control. And yes I’m still waiting for winning Powerball numbers lol.

So I sent P a message just asking if he was ok. He asked if he could call and after a little while I agreed. I know I’m an idiot and he did not deserve my compassion but I am who I am.

Basically, like me, he’s been trying to repair his broken marriage. He’s been going to counseling and sometimes she even goes with him. Unlike me, he’s miserable and struggling. He’s married to a frigid narcissist and last week she told him she’s not in love with him and thinks of him as a friend.

He said he regrets staying but he felt it was his only choice. He said he misses me everyday and his love for me hasn’t diminished. I told him that after all the pain he caused my love for him had.

He apologized for hurting me and for being a selfish ahole. He cried. I told him I never really understood how damaged he is and that I hope he keeps going to counseling. The psychologist thinks he needs to come twice a week.

The only positive news was that his daughter has started counseling. It is required if she wants to go to the only high school that would take her next year. I know that deep down underneath all that attitude, lying and manipulating, she is a terribly unhappy little girl that has put up so many walls to protect herself. For anyone thinking it has anything to do with me, her problems started 2 years before he even met me.

I told him about my blog and how much it has helped me to heal my heart. He asked if he could read it. I told him I would need to think about it.

Well I have thought about it and my answer is NO. Hell no! I wish him well and hope he finds peace and happiness someday. But my blog is mine. Even my H understands it is my outlet and has not asked to read it.

Which brings me to the most important part,  my husband. He is not perfect but he is a good, kind and loving man. I am truly lucky that he has stuck by my side through everything as I have stuck by his. He says I am his soulmate, not P and I am starting to believe that again.

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22 thoughts on “Oh Crap

  1. gijoefun79 says:

    I believe it’s ok to have a place to vent, but there is a fine line. If your blog becomes the only place you can turn then maybe it’s time to lay off for awhile and try to get life better aligned. My wife was always asking to read my blog and I always said no. I did share a couple of my posts, but she has no idea where my actual blog is/ was. I was turning to my blog, and the people in the blogosphere, instead of trying to find real people to turn to. I still have had no luck trying to find anyone real to turn to. My wife is a verbally abusive control freak and anyone else wants nothing to do with me. Good luck though. Sounds like you are already in a much better place than most others.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mnghostt says:

    your blog – your rules. I think a lot of us need a platform where we can express ourselves in one way or another and maybe it’s best kept away for some other people.

    Like

  3. emmagc75 says:

    Thank you. He definitely does and he needs to finally take control of his own life one day, but who knows? I am definitely going forward and will try to no longer look back. It will not help me in any way and I realize that.

    Like

  4. sickoftryingtotrust says:

    It’s so good to see you are getting your life back on track. It seems to me that P has issues that are too deep for you to deal with. Don’t look back just keep going forward x

    Liked by 2 people

  5. eggertl2 says:

    It sounds like there are issues that you need to address. You said that you ‘had a bad feeling’ that this person is struggling. If it is truly over and you are at a resolution within yourself and your husband, ignore those feelings. Only when you can do that will you be free to live life as you need too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. bipolarsojourner says:

    booo!

    if letting p read your blog would change what or how you would write, i would say, don’t do it. my blog is a place where i can write about what ever without judgement or worry what people around me think.

    i am glad you have a supportive husband. they can become a cornerstone of recovery from depression.

    Liked by 1 person

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