Why NC is necessary!

Don’t know why this post keeps getting buried lol

Emmagc75's Blog

Wow I just found this in my drafts. I wrote this last month. I was so delusional to ever think talking to him would do anything but bring me down. I am so much happier without all the crazy bullshit!

I don’t even know where to begin. I was fine with the way P and I left things on Tuesday. I got answers and closure. Basically he said he is now experiencing the horrible sadness, loneliness and pain that I did when we broke up. Except while mine got better, his is getting worse.

Wednesday I honestly wish I had just ignored him. I hadn’t slept much the night before and was not expecting further contact. I think he was embarrassed for crying the day before because he was weird. He kept alternating between asking me if we could ever be together and trying to make me think I still…

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Listen up Nephila the Bully!!!!

Enough is enough! Stop your hate! Get over what YOUR HUSBAND and some woman did to you already! 

Don’t you realize how pathetic even your “friends” on here think you are??? U are not a crusader, you are not joan of arc! U are just a sad sack of a woman wasting her time spreading nastiness and misery like an Elf from Hell!

DIAL BACK YOUR CRAZY LADY! I have had quite enough of your judgements and your sick, twisted delusional bullshit. YOU ARE A BULLY, A COWARD AND NOBODY LIKES YOU because of your vile, negative ways. You judge me? Whatever made you think you have the right to judge me? LOL That is absurd.  You need professional help!

You need to worry more about yourself, healing and love in your marriage. Worry about your cheating husband (although if this is how u act it is NO WONDER) and keeping him home k? And stop abusing strangers with your holier than thou crap.

If you cannot see that I am a good, kind loving person who cares and goes out of her way for others, you are just blinded by your hate and vengeance. 

You are an ugly, cruel creature and I really do pity you. I will pray for you.

SAY NO TO TROLLS!!!! 

I Am Good At Just Being Me

This is exactly how I feel today. Happy, hopeful and strong. Enjoying peace of mind and going where the love is xoxo

Positive Outlooks Blog

I might not be someone’s first choice, but I am a great choice. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, because I’m good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m proud of who I am today. I may not be perfect, but I don’t need to be. Take me as I am or watch me as I walk away. — Unknown


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Life Is Not Perfect And That Is Okay

This quote brings up mixed emotions in me. Of course I like to get what I want, but I know that doesn’t always happen. I just didn’t realize that happens to people in relationships. Okay that’s bullshit, I knew. It just didn’t usually happen to me LOL.

And though it has hurt more than words could ever express, I HAVE to believe that what should have happened, happened. My faith in God, myself and my destiny have always given me strength when it would have been so much easier to just give up. It’s the only way things make sense for me in times of trouble.

Positive Outlooks Blog

You need to see that life is not always perfect. We will not always get what we want. And though it hurts a lot, what should have happened, happened. Who should have left, left and whatever is thrown you off course will always bring you to where it is you need to be. — Unknown

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Find Someone

Find someone that isn’t afraid to admit they miss you. Someone that knows you’re not perfect but treats you as if you are. Someone who couldn’t imagine losing you. Someone who gives their heart to you completely. Someone who says I love you and proves it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up to you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and grey hair but still falls in love with you all over again.
~Unknown

I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even possible to have love and passion. Chemistry is so random and that sucks. My Husband is a great guy and so very good to me. So why the hell can’t I be as attracted to him as I was to P? It makes no sense! Uggh

The Door Swings Both Ways

I opened the door to P a few weeks ago via FB messenger and at first it was a good thing I THOUGHT. I got closure and it helped to know he had also suffered. But since then it has been very difficult to keep the door closed. I take responsibility for allowing myself to get sucked back in. Not even as an affair because there has been nothing like that. Last week we left off with him saying he will call me when he is separated. But that’s crap. He has stayed in an unhealthy abusive relationship with a frigid, phony narcissist for way too long. As a result, both of his kids have issues.

His daughter’s therapist said this is the first time she has not only NOT met a child’s Mother but that Mom hasn’t even called to see how her daughter is doing! She said it’s great P cares but her Mom needs to be a lot more involved in her daughter’s life and therapy. Where does this vapid narcissist choose to spend her time? No, not with her kids. At the gym 7 days a week for the last 4 months.

I realized if he really was a good father, he would see the destruction her complete lack of empathy has caused both his kids, especially his daughter and he would have done something. She is a 13 year-old nasty, rude, manipulating, compulsive liar and a bully that no one wants to be around. If it was a hormonal phase, fine I get it but this has been going on n getting much worse for almost 4 years (I met P 2 years ago). By doing nothing to change the situation, he enables it and makes it okay. So she keeps getting worse. Because she learned years ago, negative attention from her Mom is better than no attention. He has had to ask his Mom and sisters to spend time with her! But whenever there’s a photo op, there so so is with a big, fake smile. It hurts my heart and I just have to forget about it because there is nothing I can do.

As much as we loved one another, do I really want a man capable of such deep denial? No I don’t. If he could ignore what school officials have been telling him for years, that his daughter needs a tremendous amount of help, there’s little hope. She is only in counseling as a condition of her probation to getting into a catholic high school next year.

So after thinking all this through, yesterday I told him no he couldn’t call me. I said good luck but NOT to contact me if or when he ever gets the balls to stop being a doormat and leaves. Then I blocked him via phone, FB and all social media sites.

Yes I am a love addict and I need to have absolutely no contact with him at all. I wish him well but now it’s done.

I am going to a picnic and spending the rest of the weekend with my husband and family. I’m going where the love is and I am happy.

Painful to Say Goodbye

by Brigitte
It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.

For me, this has been one of the lessons I have had the most trouble adhering to.  It’s so simple and true.  But yet, my heart just kept trying.  I’m a pretty intelligent person who has never taken crap from any guy.  So why did I try so hard to hold on to our relationship? He made me believe in him and us.  But it wasn’t reality. It was self-destructive to have any contact with him at all.  Why do I keep letting him back in my life and in my heart?  What was it about him that I responded so deeply to?  It scares me that I gave my heart and soul to someone who was so wonderful, who said he felt the same and then showed the opposite.

I honestly became addicted to him and his love, needing more and more to feel good.  

One of the hardest things for love addicts experiencing a break up is breaking their denial. Denial is the PRIMARY psychological symptom of addiction. Denial is one of the reasons that recovery from love addiction isn’t effective. You cannot overcome a problem unless you come to fully accept that it exists. Denial comes in the form of:

-Ignoring how unhealthy the relationship actually was

-Believing getting back the relationship will solve the problems.

-Convincing yourself, it will “be different” next time.

-Not accepting the relationship is over.

-Believing the avoidant partner can be someone different from he or she is.

-Holding on to the fantasy you created from the beginning of the relationship.

-False hope that you can fix things.
I have to accept my powerlessness over my love addiction and the chaos and unmanageability it has brought into my life.

I know P is not a bad man, he’s actually pretty sweet.  He’s just not good for me and that’s what matters.

 

 

Love Is Not All We Need

by Mark Manson

In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was not.

In our culture, many of us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values.

THREE HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE

The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me to illustrate:

1. Love does not equal compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

That may sound paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many (or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that “spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just felt right.

And then six months later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where did it go wrong?”

The truth is, it went wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said, you’re going to have a bad time.

2. Love does not solve your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other, had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless drama and fighting.

And every time we fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had changed.

As you can imagine, none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it all away.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.

But the question that doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so great.

But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.

THE FRIENDSHIP TEST

One of the oldest pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative behaviors in your best friend?

Amazingly, when we ask ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent relationships, the answer is “no.”

I know a young woman who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him, she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing trips with his friends.

And she got into this situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it won’t.

Why do we tolerate behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate in our friendships?

Imagine if your best friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent, demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting career.

Or another situation: a man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do anything.

Yet he stays with her! Why? Because he’s in love!

Remember this: The only way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love is not scarce.

But your self-respect is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it. Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But love is not enough.

Communions & Memories

Saturday was my niece’s Holy Communion.

She is such a wonderful little girl and I am so happy to be part of her life.  I figure I only have a few more years before she no longer jumps up and down in excitement almost every week when I see her. Let me tell you just how kind, sensitive and loving she is.  When she was 5 and she learned about how the economy wasn’t all that great, she left out $1 for the TOOTH FAIRY!!  LOL  She asked her Mom to help her attach a note saying that she was worried that he might not have enough money to give to all the children who had lost a tooth and she felt he could use the money more than she could.

One of the last photos I have of my Mom is her with my 2 year old niece.  Her smile is so bright, it could light up the sky.  She was happier than I had ever seen her whenever she was around her and my nephew.  All she ever wanted to be was a wife, a mom and then a grandmother.  Just the simple pleasure of being able to see the kids whenever she wanted made her complete.  Sometimes I wonder if she had any idea she was or would become sick.  Because she packed a lifetime into just a few years with them.

I wish she was here to see my niece today, but I have no doubt she is looking down and smiling.  Family is so important and the older I get, the more I believe this.  It doesn’t just have to be the family you were born into.  It is also the one you create with the people that you love and care about.

Letting Go Made Easy, 3 Simple Tips 

Going to try this!

Yoga with Morgan Webert

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There is nothing more frustrating to me at times than being told to “let it go.” I get that crazy punch-them-in-the-face mental flash, then have to remind myself I’m a yogi and repeat ahimsa, non-violence, until I chill out.

This phrase can trigger me so much because it’s in exactly those moments that I’d love more than anything to “let it go,” but some part of me keeps holding on…to something that’s happened, or might happen…and I feel like screaming, “can’t you see I’m trying!”

The great irony is that I’ve built a life and career around telling/helping people to “let it go.”

As frustrating as it can be I’m passionate about “letting it go” because I know it’s in the letting go that I find my peace, my healing, my wisdom, inner light, purpose and guidance.

It’s pure bliss once I’ve broken the threshold of resistance, either physically or…

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No Matter What Life Throws At You

Positive Outlooks Blog

Life changes every minute of everyday. You lose friends. You gain friends. You realize your friend wasn’t ever really your friend and the person you used to hate can make a really good friend. You look for love. You find love. You lose love. You realize all along that you’ve been loved. You laugh. You cry. You laugh so hard that you cry. You do this, you do that. You really wish you hadn’t done that. You then learn from that and you’re glad that you did. You have your ups. You have your downs. You see good movies. You see bad movies. You wonder if your life is just a big movie. You look at others and wish you were them. You then realize who they are and glad that you’re you. You love life. You hate life. In the end you just find yourself happy to be living…

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Kicking the Habit- Dealing with Affair Withdrawal

I found this article online

After ending an affair, one can expect to have intense withdrawal symptoms for about three weeks, and you may continue to feel some symptoms for up to six months, but they should gradually diminish in intensity and frequency over this time period.

During this time, you are in a vulnerable position. Like an addict, you might be tempted to use your favorite drug again. You might be tempted to contact your affair partner again to help calm the force of your withdrawal symptoms.

Doing so is a little bit like a heroin addict in recovery who says they are “just going to do a little hit to make the pain go away.” This is clearly a terrible idea. If you do this, it is likely you will be tempted to start using again, end up back in the affair, and undo all the difficult work you have done up to this point.

Do not attempt to contact your affair partner as this will destroy your relationship. Instead, reinvest in repairing your relationship.  This is liable to be difficult as well, particularly if you have just informed your partner about the affair.

If you are talking to your spouse at all, it is likely that your communication is negative and difficult. It is unlikely that you will be getting a great deal of positive feedback from him/her at this point and this is bound to make you feel emotionally disconnected. This could worsen your withdrawal symptoms.

Remember that you are going through this painful time for a reason: you want to heal your relationship. You can look at this difficult period as a necessary step to straightening out the mess you have made of your relationship. Like an addict, there may be a period of time in which you suffer.

Going through that is the first step to putting your life and relationship back on the right course. Keep in mind that when you maintain the course of recovery through this rough period of getting over an affair, the reward can be a relationship that is better than you ever dreamed.

I can honestly say now that my marriage is getting better with each passing day.  Today for the first time in a very long time, I actually felt that high talking to M, my husband!!  It was after I had the intense craving to contact P.  Hearing how happy M was to talk to me and how much he was looking forward to spending the weekend together gave me that feeling I have been missing for so long.  

There have been so many days where I thought we couldn’t possibly make it and I didn’t want to.  I know that there will be more and that’s okay.  As long as there are good days too, we can get through anything.  

Go where the love is.

Make You Feel My Love

This is one of the songs P told me makes him miss me and cry.  It’s such a heartfelt rendition. You can feel the love in Lea Michele’s voice after the death of her real life boyfriend, Cory Monteith.

“Make You Feel My Love”

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I will never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,
And I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love

To Cry or Not to Cry

I have hardly cried at all this week.  Now to most people, this seems like it should be the status quo.  But for me this is a HUGE win lol.  It seems like all I have done since December is cry.  Between the depression and getting over P, I feel like I have cried enough tears for a lifetime.  Yes I know it is cleansing, healthy and good for the soul. It also is exhausting, ruins my contacts and just makes me feel like a big cry baby lol.

So Monday started blah but the rest of the week flew by, especially at work.  Today was absolute chaos and I am only just now coming up for air.   Which is a good thing because it keeps my mind busy and away from destructive things.  Sometimes I realize just how far I have come on this journey and how much happier I am becoming.  It feels good and healthy.

I will say that just a little while ago, I got this intense urge to message P.  It snuck up on me and it was just so strong!  My addicted brain tried to trick me saying, “what’s the harm in just saying hi, have a nice weekend”.  Yeah right!?!?!  Instead I teared up (but no tears were actually shed) and talked myself through it.  How crappy I would feel no matter what he said and how hard it would be to not keep talking.  Then I texted my addiction “sponsor” (another blogger who is also dealing with love addiction) and a friend letting them know.   And after that?  I called my HUSBAND, who of course picked up the phone and was really happy to hear from me.   I was so glad I hadn’t done anything to hurt him further or hinder all the progress we’ve been making together.

As much as I LOVE romantic letters, cards, etc., I have come to realize that love is in actions.  It’s what you do that matters even more than what you say.  And I realized that in the 14 years since I first met my husband, he has never once in all those years broken up with me or left me.  Never once.  So all I can do is take it one day at a time and keep choosing the people that have chosen me and love those that love me.  

Go where the love is my friends. 

Monday Blahs

I had a great weekend.  Saturday we had to wake up early (7 am) to go out on Long Island for niece and nephew’s Holy Communion. The church was beautiful, the kids looked adorable and the party was really nice.  Then Sunday we went to my sister-in-law’s for a small family BBQ.  It was nice, relaxed and my bro-in=law is an amazing cook.  We had fun laughing and telling stories.  I have to say I do have a wonderful mother-in-law.  She’s not pushy, she’s kind and she’s very laid back, kind of like my husband in a lot of ways.

So why am I so friggin sad and blah today?  I took my medicine, got enough sleep and nothing is bothering me.  I just felt like I was going to cry all morning at work and then I did cry during my lunch hour.

I know contact last week set me back, but I really enjoyed my weekend with hubby.  I missed my Mom on Mother’s Day of course but that’s normal.  Today no matter what I try, I just keep tearing up.

I really hope it’s hormonal LOL.  I know sometimes we just have a bad day and that’s okay.  But it doesn’t feel like that for some reason.   I’ll have to think about it a little more and figure it out.

Thanks to Trish – LIEBSTER AWARD (My 1st blogging award ever!!!)

LIEBSTER AWARD!

liebster-award

 

 

Thank you to the amazing Trish at http://10yearsasinglemom.wordpress.com/ who has an amazing heart, a nurturing spirit, and is also a really talented writer!  Thank you for your support.  It means the world to me!!!

  1. Who is your favorite person? My Mom (she passed away a few years ago).  She taught me to always be honest, courageous and true to myself.  She radiated joy and love.  Picture Carol Brady, June Cleaver, the Dalai Lama and Dr Ruth all wrapped in a tiny little 5 ft package.
  2. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Anyplace tropical where there is clear blue water and fruity drinks with umbrellas.
  3. What was your last random act of kindness? I just helped a coworker carry a bunch of boxes to her office.
  4. What’s a recent book you read that you liked and why? The Ultimate Happiness Prescription: 7 Keys to Joy and Enlightenment by Deepak Chopra.  It gives you simple exercises like meditation (I’m a beginner) to bring out your true self and let go of your ego.  It made me feel lighter and happier just reading it.
  5. What’s your favorite meal? Chicken cutlets, my Mom’s mashed potatoes and salad with homemade dressing.
  6. Does the current place you live in feel like home or is there someplace else that feels that way for you?  My house now feels like home and is comfortable.  But for me, home will always be my parent’s house where I lived for 27 years.
  7. Where do you find your inspiration?  I find a lot of inspiration in my relationships with family, friends, etc.  I also get inspired by reading, looking at photographs, art, movies and television.
  8. What makes you laugh?  Gosh, almost everything. Laughter is much more important than people know.  I love British comedies like Keeping Up Appearances and really silly comedies like the Hangover.
  9. Would you ever skydive? Definitely
  10. What is your favorite holiday?  It used to be Christmas before my Mom died.  Now I love the Fourth of July.

I would like to nominate the following blogs for the Liebster Award:

http://10yearsasinglemom.wordpress.com/ for being so welcoming, accepting and gracious.

https://bipolarsojourner.wordpress.com/ for his kindness and thoughfulness.

http://curiousevelynseeks.wordpress.com/ for her unbreakable spirit and her loyalty.

https://needingtobeheard.wordpress.com/ for her huge and beautiful heart and for not judging a book by its cover.

http://otherwomannomore.wordpress.com/ for her commitment to a better life through self-discovery.

https://kcrambles.wordpress.com/ because her ramblings and comments make me smile.

Here are my 10 questions for you:

  1. Who would you take on a trip around the world?
  2. If you could have one wish what would it be?
  3. What is your favorite meal?
  4. What is your favorite book of all time and why?
  5. What kind of music do you prefer to listen to?
  6. If you could choose any profession in the world including your own, what would you be?
  7. Are you a night owl or an early riser?
  8. Who is the last person you said I love you to?
  9. If you could come back as anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
  10. What is your favorite season?

Rules: Once you are nominated, make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you. Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post, too.

Nominate 10 (or less) other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can also nominate the person who nominated you.

Ensure all of these bloggers have less than 200 followers.

Answer the ten questions asked to you by the person who nominated you, and make ten questions of your own for your nominees.

Lastly, COPY these rules in the post.

ALL THE NOMINEES ARE FREE TO ACCEPT OR REJECT THE NOMINATION.

Does It Really Matter?

A friend of mine was upset because she thinks her ex doesn’t care about her anymore. She also thinks she’s stupid for missing him.  I tried to explain to her that feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.  Trying to stop feeling something is like trying to stop the rain, virtually impossible. But it started me thinking and here’s my question to all those getting over a broken heart.

Does it really matter what he or she thinks of you now? I know in the beginning, when the heartache is fresh, it absolutely does.  But as you start to heal your heart and get stronger, who cares what the idiot that wasn’t smart enough to hold onto you thinks?

P doesn’t believe I’m better and happy. WTF?!? He actually thinks because we were so much in love that I’m just saying that! Which tells me two things:

  1. He never knew me as well as I thought he did because I really don’t lie about how I feel, good or bad. In fact the other day, a few things he said made me sad and I cried. But that was for just a few minutes.  Like my Mom, I feel things deeper than most.  This can be a blessing and a curse 🙂
  2. He wants to believe I am still pining for him because then we are in the same boat. In his very warped mind, there is still hope for us if he ever leaves. I did everything possible to explain to him that while the love we shared was something rare and special and I was absolutely ready to share a life with him, it no longer exists. And guess what?  I just don’t care if he doesn’t get it.

I’m sorry that doesn’t jive with where he is, but who the fuck cares? Where was he in December, January and February when I was on the edge of the fucking cliff? That’s right, he was kissing her frigid ass and being stalked by his really crazy Mom.

So let him KEEP kissing her ass and stay the fuck away from mine!

I’m good and strong and hopeful. Not every single day but most lately.

And for someone with Depression, that is all you can ask for. I am really happy about that.

Ok, I wrote this a few days ago and unfortunately I have taken a few steps backwards. But I am back to no contact and am going to beat my addiction by taking it one day at a time.  Thank you for not throwing tomatoes, eggs or anything.  Is is greatly appreciated 🙂

Crazy Bitter People

Okay so I’ve only been blogging for about 5 months and am still figuring this whole thing out.

I have met so many supportive, kind and truly loving people. You have helped me through an extremely painful time in my life. You have allowed me to see life in a new way and made me laugh through my tears. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel to so many fellow bloggers.

And I guess I should’ve been better prepared for the bitter haters given some of the subject matter of my blog.

But what kind of person follows blogs with the sole purpose of making nasty, hateful comments while keeping theirs private? A bitter, angry, pathetic coward.

You do not know me, my story or my heart. I am NOT to blame for your pain or lot in life. So don’t you dare try to shame me or characterize me. You are weak and sad and I hope you find peace. But this is not the way. Shame on you!

Grow up, be a real woman and stop blaming others for your anger and unhappiness. Make yourself better instead of trying to make others feel worse.

I have been through more in my life than you could possibly imagine and I have NEVER resorted to hurting others to make myself feel somehow less crappy.

Go shovel your crazy somewhere else lady, we’re all full up here thanks 🙂

Sooo In The Doghouse

My husband totally pissed me off today.  He was so angry and rude that I wasn’t ready to clean and run errands right when he wanted. I don’t mind him being annoyed. Everyone has a right to their feelings and to express those feelings.  

But it was the way he showed his anger, stomping around and mumbling like a jackass. It felt like I was watching a child have a temper tantrum lol. The man is 47 years old!

I tried to talk to him rationally and maturely but it did not go smoothly.  I did nothing to deserve the way he treated me and I told him so. His behavior really hurt and upset me.

I think it has more to do with the fact that we still are not having sex and I am just about fed up. I have tried everything and am just tired of feeling constantly rejected.

He cleaned the tub / shower, which was great but I do it all the time! I don’t expect a parade for it, geesh. I honestly think sometimes he expects me to cook and clean like a 50s housewife while also working a full-time job lol.  

Both of our Moms were stay at home housewives but our Dads were able to support the family. And when we were in high school both women went back to school and work, eventually becoming successful in their own right. Can’t have it both ways dude, especially with a chronic illness.

He apologized but it was really half-assed and only because he knows he’s in the doghouse.  He should really think of building on a new wing if he continues to act this way lol.