To Cry or Not to Cry

I have hardly cried at all this week.  Now to most people, this seems like it should be the status quo.  But for me this is a HUGE win lol.  It seems like all I have done since December is cry.  Between the depression and getting over P, I feel like I have cried enough tears for a lifetime.  Yes I know it is cleansing, healthy and good for the soul. It also is exhausting, ruins my contacts and just makes me feel like a big cry baby lol.

So Monday started blah but the rest of the week flew by, especially at work.  Today was absolute chaos and I am only just now coming up for air.   Which is a good thing because it keeps my mind busy and away from destructive things.  Sometimes I realize just how far I have come on this journey and how much happier I am becoming.  It feels good and healthy.

I will say that just a little while ago, I got this intense urge to message P.  It snuck up on me and it was just so strong!  My addicted brain tried to trick me saying, “what’s the harm in just saying hi, have a nice weekend”.  Yeah right!?!?!  Instead I teared up (but no tears were actually shed) and talked myself through it.  How crappy I would feel no matter what he said and how hard it would be to not keep talking.  Then I texted my addiction “sponsor” (another blogger who is also dealing with love addiction) and a friend letting them know.   And after that?  I called my HUSBAND, who of course picked up the phone and was really happy to hear from me.   I was so glad I hadn’t done anything to hurt him further or hinder all the progress we’ve been making together.

As much as I LOVE romantic letters, cards, etc., I have come to realize that love is in actions.  It’s what you do that matters even more than what you say.  And I realized that in the 14 years since I first met my husband, he has never once in all those years broken up with me or left me.  Never once.  So all I can do is take it one day at a time and keep choosing the people that have chosen me and love those that love me.  

Go where the love is my friends. 

19 thoughts on “To Cry or Not to Cry

  1. bipolarsojourner says:

    the grass always look greener on the other side of the fence, but is it? i see the battle with love addition as a battle between gasping for what might be vs grabbing for what’s right in front of you. sometimes the what might be looks so shinny and attractive. often because shinny side faces you, the good side. if the other side of what might be faced towards you you might run away shrieking in terror.

    it brings me joy that you made the right choice again. keep up the good work.

    Liked by 1 person

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