It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.
For me, this has been one of the lessons I have had the most trouble adhering to. It’s so simple and true. But yet, my heart just kept trying. I’m a pretty intelligent person who has never taken crap from any guy. So why did I try so hard to hold on to our relationship? He made me believe in him and us. But it wasn’t reality. It was self-destructive to have any contact with him at all. Why do I keep letting him back in my life and in my heart? What was it about him that I responded so deeply to? It scares me that I gave my heart and soul to someone who was so wonderful, who said he felt the same and then showed the opposite.
I honestly became addicted to him and his love, needing more and more to feel good.
One of the hardest things for love addicts experiencing a break up is breaking their denial. Denial is the PRIMARY psychological symptom of addiction. Denial is one of the reasons that recovery from love addiction isn’t effective. You cannot overcome a problem unless you come to fully accept that it exists. Denial comes in the form of:
-Ignoring how unhealthy the relationship actually was
-Believing getting back the relationship will solve the problems.
-Convincing yourself, it will “be different” next time.
-Not accepting the relationship is over.
-Believing the avoidant partner can be someone different from he or she is.
-Holding on to the fantasy you created from the beginning of the relationship.
-False hope that you can fix things.
I have to accept my powerlessness over my love addiction and the chaos and unmanageability it has brought into my life.
I know P is not a bad man, he’s actually pretty sweet. He’s just not good for me and that’s what matters.