The Door Swings Both Ways

I opened the door to P a few weeks ago via FB messenger and at first it was a good thing I THOUGHT. I got closure and it helped to know he had also suffered. But since then it has been very difficult to keep the door closed. I take responsibility for allowing myself to get sucked back in. Not even as an affair because there has been nothing like that. Last week we left off with him saying he will call me when he is separated. But that’s crap. He has stayed in an unhealthy abusive relationship with a frigid, phony narcissist for way too long. As a result, both of his kids have issues.

His daughter’s therapist said this is the first time she has not only NOT met a child’s Mother but that Mom hasn’t even called to see how her daughter is doing! She said it’s great P cares but her Mom needs to be a lot more involved in her daughter’s life and therapy. Where does this vapid narcissist choose to spend her time? No, not with her kids. At the gym 7 days a week for the last 4 months.

I realized if he really was a good father, he would see the destruction her complete lack of empathy has caused both his kids, especially his daughter and he would have done something. She is a 13 year-old nasty, rude, manipulating, compulsive liar and a bully that no one wants to be around. If it was a hormonal phase, fine I get it but this has been going on n getting much worse for almost 4 years (I met P 2 years ago). By doing nothing to change the situation, he enables it and makes it okay. So she keeps getting worse. Because she learned years ago, negative attention from her Mom is better than no attention. He has had to ask his Mom and sisters to spend time with her! But whenever there’s a photo op, there so so is with a big, fake smile. It hurts my heart and I just have to forget about it because there is nothing I can do.

As much as we loved one another, do I really want a man capable of such deep denial? No I don’t. If he could ignore what school officials have been telling him for years, that his daughter needs a tremendous amount of help, there’s little hope. She is only in counseling as a condition of her probation to getting into a catholic high school next year.

So after thinking all this through, yesterday I told him no he couldn’t call me. I said good luck but NOT to contact me if or when he ever gets the balls to stop being a doormat and leaves. Then I blocked him via phone, FB and all social media sites.

Yes I am a love addict and I need to have absolutely no contact with him at all. I wish him well but now it’s done.

I am going to a picnic and spending the rest of the weekend with my husband and family. I’m going where the love is and I am happy.

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23 thoughts on “The Door Swings Both Ways

    • emmagc75 says:

      I just don’t know why I was so happy with him. Just sitting together in a diner, talking and laughing made me incredibly happy. But it wasn’t real life with jobs, bills, his kids, families, etc. And yes way too much drama.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Miguel Velocid says:

    Wow! He is as much of a contributor to his kid’s pain and suffering as she is. How can he remain in that and keep his kids subjected to that misery?

    He is drawing you into that mess and it will only continue to be a source of great pain and suffering. Breaking it off and keeping the connection severed is the best action for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Miss Evelyn says:

    Great insight. Children I believe is the important thing because they look to us as their role models and they will either rebel or conform. Its brave of you to admit that you not only have a better understanding of the situation but also admit you are a love addict. That takes guts.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. sassygirl40 says:

    So happy for you! You are very strong and certain in this post and that is a great place to be! Keep the door closed and just keep walking away, it’s the best place to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. KcRambles says:

    Good for you Emma. Love the attitude! Keep the NC up. You deserve better and so does your family.
    Have a great day with them and keep the positive up.
    Like you said in one of your posts: he is a god man but not good for you. (Something like that)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. LilyReborn says:

    So glad you blocked him. Pick up your skirts, dust off your feet, and walk away with your head held high. You are in the right path, my friend. Keep being strong. We are here for you as you go through withdrawals again

    Liked by 2 people

  6. New Journey says:

    you can never go back, no matter, and no you don’t want a man who will cheat on his wife and not do everything possible for his children….if he did it to her, he will most definitely do it to you as quick as that!!! You just have to learn to shut the mind off when thoughts of what was enter…rebuke it if you have to…tell it to go away and stop hindering your life….if your lucky enough to have a man who has stood by you through all this, whether friend or spouse, think of how wonderful that relationship could be if you put all this energy into that, no looking back….just pray and hope the little girl (so-so) can work through her abandonment from her mother, I blame the mother, but she is probably going through some trials and tribulations of her own…but nothing gets in the way of our children and their need to be loved no matter how we feel…unfortunately all you can do is walk away…maybe when so so turns 18 you can reach out to her and offer the kind, caring women that you are for her…who knows but until then….never look back….it won’t help…hope you had a fantastic time at the picnic….

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thank you. After no affection, love or sex for many years he did cheat. But he isnt a player. He’s gorgeous but she was his first and only til a few years ago! But you are right. Now that I have gotten it out, I think I can let it go. So so is what we have always called his wife. She does have issues but you can’t fix a narcissist who doesn’t want to change. She knew about me for a year but only cared when he said he was leaving n she can’t ever look bad.
      While that is a lovely thought, by then it will be much too late. Daughter has learned what’s inside doesn’t matter, only the outside. Won’t make for a kind, compassionate young woman. Have a great day!

      Like

  7. Janelle says:

    When there are children involved, it’s really hard to stay neutral. If those children are troubled and able to receive but not getting the help they need, it’s an impossible situation. You are smart to protect yourself, because unfortunately you’re powerless to help and ultimately that will harm you far more than what you are enduring right now. Stay strong and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thank you! You are absolutely right n very wise lol. His son is 17, kind and a great student. But he has anxiety issues and phobias. I know deep down under all the bs and walls she has created to keep herself safe is a smart, funny sweet girl who cares much more than she would ever show. But she’s been so out of control n spoiled (with toys not love, time or affection) for way too long. Why do u need a background check to adopt a kitten but anyone can be a parent? LOL I am off to enjoy a picnic!

      Like

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