So after about 6 months of what can only be described as hell on earth, we found a combination of meds that worked and I was finally feeling like myself again.
Mental illness is the only type of illness that makes it virtually impossible for the patient to be their own advocate. Because the very nature of the illness makes us feel weak, lazy, crazy and life not worth living.
I was 19, went back to college full-time and got a job working in a real estate management firm. Less than a year later I was promoted to office manager and had just made the Dean’s list. I had a boyfriend and life was good. Then I started spiraling down again just like before.
This would happen again and again for the next 7 years. I would find a combo of drugs that worked, re-enroll in school, get better and then bam eventually the meds would stop working.
My parents, family and doctor were amazing. They never let me give up, even though there were so many times hope just seemed like a cruel joke.
Eventually my family doctor said I needed to see a specialist because I had treatment resistant depression and I needed an expert. So at that time in the early 1990s, no one had heard of a psychopharmacologist or neuropharmacologist. The internet was nothing like it is today but I love research. It’s like a puzzle that needs to be solved.
My Mom was a very intelligent woman. She told me to call the hospital that had found my cancer and ask for a referral. If you notice, even though I was sick and depressed, they never did everything for me. They helped me without keeping me dependant on them. And I am so grateful they did.
I called and got a referral to a psychopharmacologist. That doctor was so overloaded he wasn’t even taking any new patients. So I asked them for a referral and that’s how I found Dr. B.
The research I had done showed that there had been great success using low doses of Adderall (an amphetamine previously used to treat ADD/ADHD) with a combination of antidepressants. For some reason it keeps the meds working for people with treatment resistant depression.
On all the antidepressants, I woke up every day feeling extremely groggy, drugged n sleepy. This side effect was horribly debilitating. The Adderall not only kept my meds working but it helped with the severe fatigue.
After years on a never-ending rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, I finally had my life back. I went back to school, worked as a paralegal to pay the bills and met a wonderful man that treated me like a queen. We got married and then things really got interesting 🙂
REMARKABLE!!!!
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Thanks, I don’t know about remarkable but it is hardly ever boring lol.
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That was the first word that popped in my head. You have the strength that many haven’t been able to accomplish so well with support and you are amazing.
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Thank you for the very kind words. My parents never let me give up. I am strong but sometimes more fragile than people realize 🙂
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Mental illness is one of the most misunderstood illnesses. I’m pleased you found some quality help and good meds. Persistence is total worthwhile.
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Thnx!
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I am so happy for you!
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Thank you 🙂
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Welcome!
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I like you! Ur spunky like me lol
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Thanks for sharing your story. It opened my eyes. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Opened your eyes? Thank you that is very sweet. I will keep you in mine as well.
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The thing that comes out is the fact that neither you nor your support system gave up hope. I have struggled with both depression and addiction. If one has faith and keeps going, feet on the ground, something has to give. Frankly, some of this, for me, has been about acceptance.
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Yes!!! Absolutely! Now if I have a bad day and need to stay in bed, I don’t go through hours of feeling guilty. Through acceptance, it seems to lessen the intensity and duration.
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I hope you are doing well xo
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I have my good and bad days. Writing helps.
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Yes it does. Be well xo
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It is good to get your thoughts out and share them with the universe, isn’t it?
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Yes it helps me let go of things.
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Quite liberating!
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I agree. Now go drink some Pabst which we used to drink at frat parties n get the worst hangovers FYI lol
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So long as I match it with water I can avoid the hangover…
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Yes but we were young dumb n dehydrated lol
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Haha haven’t we all been there?
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Yes. Actually,, we are one. Kindred spirits have a way of attracting.
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I believe that.
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If there is a truth, this would be one.
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If there is a truth? Don’t get all existential at my bedtime dude lol
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Sorry….
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I was just kidding silly 🙂
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Oh, OK, sorry anyway 🙂
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LOL 🙂
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Agreed!
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i am glad you have found your drug cocktail. that make live so much easier. still looking.
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Thanks! Yes it is and all it took was a little bit of amphetamines lol!
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you got a couple extras you could send my way so i could give it a try? :^)
nsa, fbi? are you listening? i am only joking.
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Lol they do monitor it very closely!!! But the generic is $5!! I monitor myself too. I don’t take it if im sick in bed or on some weekends etc.
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Don’t give up xo
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I thought that was really interesting. and it gets more interesting?
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Thanx! I know and I didn’t even write about having cancer at 12 yet lol. Hey my hubby says I can be a huge pain in the ass but life with me is never boring 😉
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You had cancer age 12? That’s something certainly worth talking about. Such life changing experiences you have. I never knew how depression is a chemical imbalance.
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Yes I did. Not always a chemical imbalance but in my case yes it is. But after my Mom died my doc didn’t change my meds. He said that kind of depression was normal part of grieving n there was no magic pill for that. Unless I became much worse or suicidal, which I didn’t.
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I can feel how close you were to your mom. She was a very special woman. Grieving is different for everyone. For me when my father passed away, I had dreams of him nearly every night and I woke up crying because I knew he was gone.
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Yes I was and she was special. Which is not to say she didn’t drive me insane sometimes lol I’m sorry about your Dad xo
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It is irritating how so many docs are uneducated about brain chemistry and mental health. It is a key component to your holistic body’s HEALTH!
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Yes n I believe in a mix between western medicine n eastern medicine for a happy life xo
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Yes! I agree!
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