Betrayal is A Real Bitch!

betrayal

Betrayal. A breach of trust. Fear. What you thought was true-counted on to be true- was not.  It was just smoke and mirrors, outright deceit and lies.  Sometimes it was hard to tell because there was just enough truth to make everything seem okay.  Even a little truth with just the right spin can cover the outrageous.  Worse there are the times of seeming sincerity and care that effectively obscure what you know to be true.  It was exploitation, not love.  You were used.  Everything in you wants to believe you weren’t.  Please make it not be true, you pray.  Yet enough proof has emerged.  Facts that can no longer be denied.

Betrayal.  You can’t explain it away anymore.  A pattern exists and you know that now.  You can no longer return to the way it was (which was never really as it seemed).  That would be unbearable.  But to move forward means certain pain.  No escape and no in-between.  Choices have to be made today, not tomorrow.  The usual ways you numb yourself will not work.  The reality is too great, too relentless.

Betrayal is a form of abandonment.  But I haven’t been abandoned, my wife or husband is still here, you tell yourself.  Often abandonment is difficult to see because the betrayer can still be close, even intimate.  Yet YOUR interests, YOUR well-being is continually sacrificed.

Abandonment is at the core of addictions.  Abandonment causes deep shame but abandonment by betrayal is so much worse than mindless neglect.  Betrayal is purposeful, self-serving and traumatic.

But that is not the worst part.  The worst part is a mind-numbing, highly addictive and strong attachment to the person who has hurt you!  You may even try to explain and help them understand what they are doing- convert them into non-abusers.  You will probably blame yourself, your defects and your failed efforts.  You strive to do better as your life and any shred of happiness slips further and further away. 

These attachments cause you to not trust your judgment, distort your own realities and memories and place yourself at even greater risk.  The great irony?  You are bracing yourself against further hurt.  The result? A guarantee of more pain!!

These attachments have a name.  They are called traumatic bonds or betrayal bonds.  Exploitative relationships like that with an overt or covert narcissist, create these bonds. These occur when a victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her.  Thus the hostage becomes the champion of the hostage-taker and the victim becomes the champion of their abuser.

Advertisements

33 thoughts on “Betrayal is A Real Bitch!

  1. streetpoet12 says:

    Gosh. Wow.
    I told my husband that because he cheated he abandoned me, he looked at me perplexed. He says he didn’t because he was still here with me. He didn’t get them and doesn’t get it now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bipolarsojourner says:

    thanks for the share. I found many helpful point, the most significant happening around abandonment.

    i would think that we all struggle with abandonment at some level. for me, as a kid in my family, in ranged for the mindless being forgotten to be picked up after school to the betrayal of parents who were physically present yet had zero ability to be any form of emotional support.

    i also recognize the abandonment with a recent event with my sister. i exposed how she could best support me, a form of weakness, and she tore into me. no wonder I felt abandoned, and the worst type of abandonment, betrayal, to top it off.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. New Journey says:

    And in the end, no matter the outcome of the relationship, affair, bond, marriage, whatever one wants to label it…..in the end all you have is yourself….no one else, you came into this world alone and we go out alone….so my wish is that we all learn to only count on ourselves, love ourselves first, trust ourselves…..glad to hear you came so far….

    Liked by 2 people

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thanks! I do believe we have to love ourselves first but I don’t know how happy I would be counting only on myself. We do go out alone but hopefully with someone we love holding our hand like my Dad did when my Mom died.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s