Sexless? No Thanks I Need Sex

I just read an article that stated that 1 in every 5 marriages is sexless! They define sexless as having sex less that 4 times a year. Um 4 times a year seems like an improvement to our stats the previous 5 years lol.

Seriously who doesn’t like sex???

I have always been a huge fan of sex. For me it was always an important part of a relationship. Granted I have had relatively fewer partners than most women my age (6). But in a loving, committed relationship I felt free to explore and I enjoy trying new things. I enjoy exploring multiple times a day lol.

So to have no sex for a few years? I’m probably lucky I didn’t end up in a padded room. I was so unhappy and felt completely ugly and constantly rejected.

It also helps with my depression and is necessary to my happiness.

Even though we are currently having sex, it’s still not as easy as it was with P. He and I could discuss anything and everything without being awkward or uncomfortable. There’s a distance there with H that while improving slowly, still very much exists. I have no idea why. Since I am open and honest, it must be coming from hubby.

Sometimes I think he got used to using porn and jerking off for so many years before we even met. But we dated for 4 years before we got married and the sex was great! I wouldn’t have said yes if it wasn’t.

I’ve been looking for a good sex therapist in our area and will make some calls tomorrow. He has to be ready, willing and able. He says he is, so hopefully this will help.

It does not nor will it ever excuse cheating. But it’s a sad fact that life isn’t black and white. I know now that an affair wasn’t the answer for me. I also know that as stupid and naive as it seems, we fell deeply in love. It’s not easy to find everything you need in one person. I really thought I had but obviously that wasn’t enough.

I will continue to work to have the marriage I need to be happy but I will never again go months or years without physical love and intimacy. No matter how much I love someone. Life is too short not to be happy, enjoyed and loved.

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74 thoughts on “Sexless? No Thanks I Need Sex

  1. honestme363 says:

    Just had to scroll back to gain some history on your situation Emm. Seriously great post! Thanks so much for the honest insights into your life and I really do wish you the best. Hoping something will work out for you.

    Like

  2. hallenterprises132 says:

    We generally manage to have sex once a month. Would like to have more, but only manage to get him to agree to sex around once during a month.

    The problem is that I only have 2 weeks after my medicine infusion that I have decent control over my body. Having multiple sclerosis and being on Tysarbi sort of limits your choices, unfortunately.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Andrew says:

    I have to agree sex is important and I haven’t got laid in months! 😦 You’ll know from my blog I used to see escorts (def of expensive prostitutes) and like you I crave a sex life, I think what I need is a sex buddy but again there’s no connection.

    Oh yes porn! I was going to say that’s interesting he was a great user of porn, personally I cannot stand pornography, not on moral grounds each to their own, no I find porn tedious boring and I’d rather read a book than watch 2 people copulating so conversely maybe you are right because I no longer masturbate which worries me :/ I’ll also agree a lack of sex does cause depression and unhappiness, well I haven’t bin laid in months and I’m gagging for it lol!

    Liked by 1 person

      • Andrew says:

        I may be (probably be 🙂 ) over-stepping a mark, but I will anyway, here’s an opinion of a genuine fellow blogger and all. There is nothing wrong saying NO to a sexless marriage, sex IS part of a marriage contract or what’s the point. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. charlypriest says:

    You go girl !! I´m all for sex. Actually my own mother called me a man whore….I just responded I suffer from OCF or Obsessive Compulsive Flirt. Plus my ex girlfriend as mean as she was, that girl was a ninphomaniac, 4-6 times a day, not kidding. Eventually she spread that number with other guys, so out she went or better said out I went. But yes, sex is important in a relationship. We are humans, is in our DNA

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mullguy says:

    She asked me to take her back a couple of years after our divorce. I was not interested. All trust was gone plus any interest in her sexually. In your case if your husband had cut you off sexually then that is a different situation. Why did you stick with him for 3 years?

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      I loved him, he’s always been really good to me and his Dad died beginning of year 2. It is a very different story. Im not damaged goods. It was one person for 18 months.

      Like

  6. mullguy says:

    Does your husband know about your affair? I know that after I learned that my ex wife had an affair sex with her would have been impossible for me. If he is able to do anything at all he should be applauded.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Jarvis says:

        You love your husband that you are willing to work it around with him and resolve the problem you both might be facing now. An appreciable thing to do as one should never give up on someone whom they love. I respect that.
        Also you state that it is not easy to find everything in one person. I have to agree to that as well. No one is perfect and it is in the flaws of others, we see their perfection. You are also willing to enjoy life and be loved and happy but these things sometimes doesn’t need another person. We find them in ourselves.
        I don’t know if I made any sense up there, but I did find it interesting. 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

          • sonofabeach96 says:

            No shit! I was always a loner, fine to live my life how I saw fit. Until I met my wife, and then had kids. Now, through the ups and downs, good and bad, happiness and sadness, I need them like I need oxygen, flaws and all. And I’m certain I’m not all rainbows and butterflies to live with either. He’s right. Perfect imperfections are what make us human. My wife gave me a cartoon clip once that said, “We are all a bottomless pit of something!”. How friggin true is that?!?

            Liked by 1 person

  7. sonofabeach96 says:

    No way could we go that long. It’s a major dry spell if go a day or two without making love. Hell, 4 times in a year? There are days we enjoy each other 4 times in a day! I feel for ya. Maybe your husband has intimacy or vulnerability issues? Or trust issues? I did for years and hindered my ability to be completely open about sexuality. Not anymore. I tell her everything now and the benefits of showing that vulnerability and trust in her has led to more and better sex for us. Has he ever considered therapy to investigate his reservations? My therapy was not specifically geared towards sex specifically but once I was “right” in my mind the sex came along for the ride, pardon the puns. Hang in there. Hope it gets better for y’all.

    Like

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