Thoughts on Love

 I am really looking forward to going away with H next week.   I am hopeful that we can find our way back to each other.  I just wish it was easier.  It feels like so much work sometimes.  Should love have to be so much work?  I honestly don’t know.  Sometimes I feel sure we will make it and others I just don’t know.  I just want to feel passion and attraction again.  That’s when I miss P and all the joy, love and laughter.  Why was I always able to talk to him about anything and everything and why can’t H and I do the same?

I realize that obviously that’s not enough on its own.  Look at P. He’s totally addicted/codependent/attracted to his bulging bodybuilder/ selfish covert narcissist.  What does that get him? LOL A big fat nothing, that’s what.  I have never met anyone so delusional about their relationship or lack of one as P.  It’s so sad how much he has gone backwards in the last 8 months.  He’s so addicted to the cycle of narcissistic abuse and in denial, I really think part of him actually believes she can get better!!!!  C’mon seriously??? Yeah cause if you have 3 decent years, then 7 crappy ones, then 10 years where your marriage is so dead you have 3 affairs? I honestly believe that he is LITERALLY going to wait until she says she wants out to make any sort of change.  She still controls him and as long as she wants to, she probably always will. My love and devotion meant so very little to him in the end.  It’s hard for me to realize and admit that. But it is the truth and I know that now. Time won’t change him, it will just make him sicker and less human.

I ask myself how could I have loved someone so weak and not worth my love or my time?  When I think of all the times he said he wasn’t in love with her, could never be attracted to her again, and hoped she’d find someone so he could be free?  I will probably never truly know if it was all lies.  I guess it doesn’t really matter. Except to me it does.

I just want to love and be loved.  I want passion, laughter, companionship and a best friend.  Someone who I make a better person and who makes me want to be a better person too.  I really need a lot of sex to make up for all the years I missed.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  If my H isn’t up to the job, I will not stay any longer.  I’ve waited long enough.  It’s time for the men in my life to put up or shut up.  It’s just that simple.  I’m going where the love AND THE SEX is! LOL


27 thoughts on “Thoughts on Love

  1. Ngobesing Romanus says:

    Lovely post. Someone has said it already – only the best is good enough for you; and God has that for you somewhere. Ask him to show you/give you. This is what I tell young people: the best time you can have together is before the exchange of rings. If the one who wants you does not adore you before the rings are exchanged, that is not the best for you.


  2. InsaneRoots says:

    Great post! I know I have looked back on some of my relationships and wondered, “was I just drunk the whole time or what?!” Lol. I knew someone like P and from my experience, jerks like that never change and they definitely don’t deserve you! I hope you have a great time with H!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. bipolarsojourner says:

    I hope that you have a wonderful time with h. next week and that it is a intimate time with sharing at many different levels and on many different topics. i think you would agree that would be joyous. i hope you find the work for love with h. worth it. when that happens, it points to a working relationship. life is always easier, more joyful and fulfilling when your main relationship is working.

    Liked by 1 person

      • loveandwanderingfeet says:

        thanks! i’m pretty sure my hubby found my blog so i deleted it. i’m still reeling from the loss. i’m trying to start a new blog because i’m pretty sure i’ll go crazy without somewhere to put all the stuff in my head. you are such a sweet friend. i hope you know how much i appreciate you and how much i value what you have to say. i’m very seriously considering seeing someone and trying to get some help. i’m terrified and don’t really know where to start.

        Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:

          Omg so he knows? Thank u! I feel the same way about you. I’ve been where u are n felt all the pain unfortunately. What do u mean by help? A psychiatrist does the meds. You just have to google it with your location and then pick one lol. Call up n ask if they take ur insurance. For therapy I used a social worker. I found her easier to talk to. It’s scary but it will help. Hugs xo

          Liked by 1 person

  4. sonofabeach96 says:

    I feel so bad for you. I don’t know what the answers are. I don’t know how to make your husband realize what he’s about to lose. I don’t know how to tell you to find your way back to him, or him to you. I wish I did. But I do know that life is way too short and fleeting to remain unhappy. Perhaps it’s time? Time for the line in the sand to be drawn, the nuclear come-to-Jesus talk, that it’s 100% out there that changes are made or else a,b,and c happen. And mean it. I know I didn’t fully commit to making drastic changes until I thought she was gone. And she meant it. The thing is, I had all but given up hope for us, but it jarred me into realizing I needed to change for me first and foremost. After that, we found each other through the ashes and rebuilt what never should’ve been broken. Us guys are stubborn and dense. Reactionary at times. Maybe it’s time to call his bluff. I don’t know. I do know I feel for y’all. I know it’s hard. Ill keep sending you the karma though, and hoping you guys can make it through this. Be well my friend. Your in our thoughts. As you say: hugs!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. sexkittenindisguise says:

    Awww, tears when I read the words in the picture. I wish I had your strength to stand up for what I want, what I deserve, what I need. I hope your husband steps up to the plate. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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