I really like this quote. I think most of the amazingly life-changing things that happen in life? They happen when you close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump. As we get older, sometimes we just get too comfortable, lazy and complacent. I know I am guilty of this. Sometimes my illness does play a part. But I need to take more chances and really start living my life again.
I know I said I regret my year and a 1/2 relationship with P but if I’m honest with myself, I do not regret any of it except the ending. I learned how fun and full of joy and laughter life can be again. I had tons of wonderful adventures and mind-blowing sex lol. I feel a little sad that he remains stuck and unhappy in a prison of his own making. But I guess if you have already wasted over 8 years without affection, love and sex it makes it much easier to keep wasting day after day after day. I have never been mentally or emotionally abused, well at least not in a long term relationship. So I have no idea what it feels like to be manipulated and lied to by a narcissist for almost 20 years.
Maybe that is the lesson I needed to learn. That life is just too short to wait for someone to get their head out of their ass and change their life. Sometimes we just have to accept other people’s choices and let them go. I forgive him for being weak and addicted. I hope he finds love again one day.But I need a man who is smart enough to grab onto me with both hands and never let me go. A man like my husband with one big difference. A man who LOVES sex and needs it as much as I do.
Life isn’t a video game with 3 chances to get it right. I need a man who is smarter and braver than P. And I might need one who is more sexual and passionate than my H. I guess time will tell. But I have promised 3 months of counseling, then we will go from there. Strap in folks, it’s about to get interesting to say the least 🙂