Holding On vs. Letting Go

I have never been a woman that takes long to get over relationships. It shocks me that it has taken 8 months to finally let go of P and be at peace with shutting that door for good.  I just kept holding on because I was so certain he was my future. That he could be strong enough to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse.  That he would figure it out before it was too late.  He wasn’t and he didn’t.  And that’s okay because it doesn’t mean we didn’t love one another very much.  It just means he’s not ready to leave his prison of loneliness and dysfunction. I am still angry sometimes but I guess I will take anger over sadness lol.

This is so friggin true!! Do you want to know why I held on so tightly for so long and refused to let go?  Because most of the time it was amazing. Our love was special in a way I had never known. I have never felt that way about anyone before in my whole life.  Believe me, he wasn’t perfect at all lol! That man has more issues and baggage than an airport terminal. He was just perfect for me and I thought that I was perfect for him.  We used to marvel at how his crazy fit my crazy.  But he’s so afraid of making changes or mistakes. A lot of that is his generalized anxiety disorder.  And that’s okay because it’s his choice.  My choice is to move on without him in my life anymore.

I gave him 2 years and that was plenty of time to get his shit together.  Like DaVinci said “A life without love is no life at all.” He just thinks he’s wasted 8 years, what’s a few more months?

Well a few months was the difference between my holding on and my letting go.  We all make choices.  He’s made his to stay unhappy and unloved and I’ve made mine to cut him out of my life completely and irrevocably.  I think he really just thought I would happily wait til he was finally ready. Obviously I guess he never truly understood me.  Patience has always been a struggle for me and I admit that.  I know how short life is and I don’t intend to waste mine pining for anyone!

This quote makes me laugh because it was exactly how I felt those first few days.  It’s still hard to look back and realize just how much pain I was in.  Thankfully, I am living, finally moving on and I am happy.  I had to realize that I don’t actually NEED anyone to live, even P. I do believe there was a purpose to all of this. Unlike P, I learn from my mistakes and pain so that I don’t repeat them.  I will make new ones 😉

Go where the love and great sex is my friends!