Great Weekend

My husband and I had a great time together this weekend.  Saturday we went to a birthday party for friends of ours.  It was a lot of fun and we both enjoyed ourselves. Then we got home and of course, no sex.  I have already been rejected enough for many lifetimes, so I just cannot initiate anymore.  I’m also playing phone tag with the sex therapist.  It just made me a little sad because I really can’t imagine how we got to this place.

Since Monday, I have been dragging my feet a little and I wasn’t sure why.  I think it’s part frustration that this is what my life has become. And why isn’t he finding a sex therapist and making an appointment?  But I’m also petrified because if this doesn’t work, there’s no other choice but to get a divorce.  And I think that’s what has kept me from pushing ahead with therapy the last 2 weeks.

Today I feel less exhausted and more hopeful.  I actually took a nap yesterday afternoon lol.  It’s been a while since I took a nap in the afternoon without being sick.  It really helped improve my mood and I am no longer feeling so wiped out.  I think sometimes we forget how important sleep is for our health.  I know I am definitely guilty of that.

My Mother-in-law, who is a wonderful woman, had hip replacement surgery 2 weeks ago.  She was walking around for 3 weeks with a broken hip!  She thought she pulled a muscle at the gym.  So we have both been back and forth to the hospital and rehab.  Now she’s staying with his sister for a week.  So we went to her house and got all the clothes, toiletries, meds, etc that she needed for the week. I know it’s been difficult for my H seeing his Mom this way, especially after losing his Dad 2 years ago.  She says that I am the best nurse out of everyone.  I told her it’s because I have had so much practice with my Mom and my Grandma lol.

So finally, today I talked to my H and told him my fears about what happens if sex therapy doesn’t work.  He told me to try not to be scared and that it will work and we both have to believe that. He also said that whenever he gets negative, I tell him to try not to think that way because it just makes things worse. He said since his Dad died, I’m the one that is always positive and full of hope.  But the truth is, whenever I get hormonal or sad, he is always giving me hugs and cheering me up.  

I just really and truly hope we can find the spark after so many years and figure out why the hell he has almost zero interest in sex.  I actually weigh less than I did when we were married. I’m pretty with a sexy body so I don’t think it’s a physical attraction thing. But he has gained a decent amount of weight in the last few years, and kind of let himself go.  So if anyone has cause to feel less physically attracted, it’s actually me.

Thank you for letting me pour out my thoughts and feelings.  It has actually helped me to not feel so alone.  Sex or rather, lack of sex, is not a very popular topic but it’s an extremely common problem in relationships.  I had no idea how many people, men and women were going through the same thing.  I always knew some women didn’t like sex or not very frequently.  But to have a man not want it?  It just didn’t seem possible. I know how silly and naive that kind of thinking is. I guess it’s just because every serious relationship I had ever been in was highly sexual and physically satisfying.  So I never imagined I would marry someone who would eventually have no interest.

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112 thoughts on “Great Weekend

  1. findingmyway says:

    I can relate to this on so many levels. My soon to be ex husband and I went through this no sex phase quite a few times during our marriage. Sometimes it was exhaustion, sometimes it was our schedules, even a few times it was because of medications one of us was on. After twenty years of being together we did notice that the spice was gone and it wasn’t always as amazing. I can say though after being together as long as we were that there were hardly any awful experiences. Sex and intimacy is so important in a marriage. I hope you find some answers.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. sarinarose says:

    A little late reading this. Hope things are getting better between you and hubby. Have you ever read the book Captivating? Its by Staci Eldridge her husband wrote Wild at Heart. Perhaps you and your husband can read those to help 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. justlikedying says:

    Is it irony if you get hit on, on your own affair blog.
    I hope your hubby gets over his self esteem/depression issues. The alternative doesn’t sound so attractive. If you can sick through this with him and come out on top (*snicker) then you’ll both be better for it.

    Liked by 1 person

      • justlikedying says:

        Just the last comment about you being dream lay. I found that kind of funny but I guess that is to be somewhat expected when you lament of your lack of sex. The way you write I feel your sorrow and sometimes wish I could help, but I also understand it doesn’t quite work that way. But I digress…

        Things are well here. I’m finding I crave sex less now because my needs are more or less being met. I still initiate a lot of the sex but at least I’m not met with rejection when I do.
        I actually kind of turned it down last night, well I sort of just got too drunk. How that for a happy ending.

        Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:

          I like to think I’m a feminist but I don’t get offended by remarks like that. If the intent behind it was different? Sure. But that wasn’t the case. Like in real life? I can’t expect to wear sexy, nice clothes, makeup and hair then get offended if someone compliments me right? As long as they look but don’t touch, I rarely do anything but smile.
          I have a really good sense of humor and I try to see the irony that I get hit on and complimented almost daily. But the man legally required to have sex with me? Never in the mood lol. I’m glad ur needs are being met now. Be well xo!

          Like

  4. DotedOn says:

    I read your post and I almost cried. I’ve been in your place a few years ago. It broke my heart because I started questioning myself as a woman. I got pregnant (fifth child) and I couldn’t believe how lucky (or unlucky, since sex happened like 3 times in one year). We (ex and I) had another problems but I think that the lack of interest from him was what make me leave him a few weeks after my boy was born.
    I hope you get to solve all your problems. I tried and tried even harder but didn’t succeed. When I had to weight my options (because being a single mother of 5 is not fun at all), I had on the negative list my in-laws. They never liked me. His mom made my life miserable since the day I met her 🙂
    When I read your mom in law is wonderful, I smiled. There is hope.
    I wish I could give you some good advice 🙂
    Have a great weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. L. Rorschach says:

    I hear you, Emma. I was in a sexless marriage, not by my choice. It was terrible… terrible for my self-esteem and physically painful because my sex drive was so high and I had no way to relieve it. 😦

    In the end, we couldn’t resolve it despite 4 years in marriage counseling so we separated last year. I hope for better for you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Andrew says:

    Lovely that he gives you hugs and tries to cheer you up.

    :/ I’d hate to upset you being course but that’s me lol, I follow your blog and I’ll say what I guess many men are thinking namely you sound every male’s fantasy of a ‘dream lay’, he must see the therapist! X

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Louise Fowler says:

    Hi Emma, I think that many many people can relate to your issues around sex and marriage. I know about sex, quite well actually. I think there needs to be a lot more talk about sexless relationships. It traps everyone in a place of massive sadness. You can’t live like that and you will help many by letting them know they are not alone. You go girl.
    Louise

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thanks Louise! It’s so strange for me to ever have difficulty sharing anything but I do struggle sharing this. I don’t know why. But it is a big problem, it’s important and it needs to be discussed. Hugs to u xo!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Louise Fowler says:

        you know I understand completely. I never thought I would ever tell anyone never mind share it on line with my picture all over the place but at my age I have nothing left to loose and nothing more can be done to hurt me more than already has. But when you really believe you are right the drive to tell you story moves you forward albeit it is a huge struggle. I have know many people in my life who have sexless marriages and their hearts are broken and they don’t know what to do about it. You can really help so many men and women as you get to sort it out for yourself. There is no shame. You sound like a healthy woman who insists on getting what was essentially promised you when you married in the first place

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    Speaking from the spouse’s perspective, sex (or wanting sex) can at times having nothing to do with physical beauty and be mental or emotional in nature.

    I know there are many times where I am so emotionally drained that, despite being in love with my wife, I am simply not physically interested. Much of this has to do with wresting with her numerous mental health issues.

    I’m not a therapist so I don’t have a solution, just trying to offer some honest perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jarrod C says:

    Even without the sex issues, I get the impression from reading your posts that you view your husband more as a buddy. I am not suggesting you don’t love him. It just seems like a different kind of love.

    Even if the issue with his sex drive does not necessarily right itself, I think that therapy is good for everyone. It helps us to grow as people. Slowly, the negative stigma associated with the word “therapy” is starting to dissipate.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      I guess I do Jarrod. But that’s kind of a result of trying a lot to rev his engine n being rejected. And yes I’m no longer hot for him. I hope that can change but I guess time will tell.

      Like

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