How Many Chances?


never let u go

I know some people would rather I never mention a certain person EVER AGAIN lol. If that is the case, skip this post and come back tomorrow lol. Please let me be 100% clear.  This was how I felt IN THE PAST.  It is NOT how I feel anymore. I just wasn’t ready to let him go for so long.  I had so much love for him and hope that he would find his way back to me.  

Don’t you just love an eternal optimist? Well that’s definitely me!  I was so hurt, betrayed and angry but underneath it all was hope.  False hope is such a bitch!  Even more than Karma lol! It keeps you loving and missing someone long after they should be but a memory.  I was never as strong as everyone thinks I am.  I missed him so much, some days I didn’t know how I would make it through.

But somewhere along the way, I went from loving him to needing him.  It became unhealthy, like an addiction.  I kept needing more and more to satisfy me. I know now that it was my subconscious way of knowing that I was skating on thin ice and was about to fall through to the murky, icy waters below.  He wasn’t ready to build a life with me, even though he told me he was.  I guess deep down inside somewhere, I knew that.  That’s why I was so insecure.  When someone leaves you, it makes you feel insecure!

I realize now that it was extremely foolish and naive to think a relationship could’ve possibly worked out, especially back in November when his family threatened to disown him if he left so n so for me. We all need love and support from our family and friends. That’s what life is all about. Family, friends, love, laughter, relationships, and joy. His kids are the most important thing in his life, as they should be, and it’s stressful enough knowing your parents live separate lives.  To throw me in the mix would’ve hurt them and I never wanted that.  Kids don’t ask to be born and they deserve every chance for a happy, secure life.

An affair is, despite how you may feel while you are in it, an extra relationship. While mine wasn’t a secret from my hubby, I wasn’t open with him about it. Sometimes, it was like he was in a prison and I was stuck in there with him.  The insane part is that I was there through my own choice! At the time, I just wasn’t ready to face up to the big problem in my marriage, a lack of physical intimacy.

 All I know is he was able to put my love in a fuckin box!!!!  Wow, really dude?!?!  Well, if you are able to just stick my love in a box, then it couldn’t have meant that much to you in the first place.  Why are guys so much better than women at compartmentalizing?  It’s such a nifty ability when you want to lie to yourself and keep things separate in your head.  Just probably not the healthiest way to go through life. I think it’s a blessing in disguise I found out how damaged and addicted he was before I made any major changes in my life.

Why did I give him a few chances?!?!?!  When someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM!!!  But that’s the thing. Despite the fact that he hurt me, can I truly fault him for trying to save his marriage and family? Even though so n so’s a narcissist, they have still been married 19 years. Just another lesson. Affairs suck n cause everyone a lot of pain, even the cheater. That is one of the many lessons I have learned over the last 2 years.  I guess that was what this was all about. Teaching me lessons that I needed to learn.  And I absolutely have, whether I wanted to or not.

So how many chances do we give those we love before it’s enough??  How many chances before we must let go and wish them well?  And how many before it goes from loving someone to being a doormat?


57 thoughts on “How Many Chances?

  1. monicakirathi says:

    I learn from you everyday 🙂 (mostly what mistakes I should to not make) lol. But that’s a good thing right? …. I thought I would share a link with you that might give you some clarity on this issue.. It helped me to let go of my situation. I Hope you find it helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Miss Evelyn says:

    I never realized that giving someone chances means giving them the right to walk all over you. I suppose for P, he still thinks you wait around for him simply because you have…for the past 8 months.


  3. uehobbyist says:

    I agree, and often give people more chances than I should. However, it’s a mistake I would prefer to make over wondering if I abandoned them too soon when they needed help most. I’ll take the doormat route, for at least a little while every time. You gave him every chance and now can rest. good post.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. mullguy says:

    You mentioned compartmentalization. I do find it interesting that men and women seem to be different that way. I thought it might only be me until i talked to other men that said the same thing. I never really felt that way with my first marriage because everything was in the same compartment. However since then my life has naturally fallen into 3 compartments. The first is family which mainly means my children. The second would be s relationship. The third would be my alone time. Trying to force those together would seem unnatural. When push comes to shove my family comes first. Maybe that is also how your ex felt too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Yes that was definitely the main reason. 8 months ago his wife was the perfect wife, mother, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law etc. to everyone except he and the kids. That’s not uncommon with a covert narcissist. His family said they would disown him if he left her for me. Now that the mask is off and they have seen the truth with their own eyes for almost a year? His family loathes her now. His Mom won’t even stay in same room with her. His Dad n sisters hate her. They can’t believe they were fooled for so many years.

      Family and friends are everything. Kids n later grandkids need to come first, that’s a given with no room for negotiations. I think today people start off with so much baggage, they forget to just get to know one another and see where it goes. My Dad n his gf don’t mind giving up some holidays with their own families to b with each other’s. We’re in NY and they are in VA but they work it out. Sometimes they even split up for a few days to each be with their own, like in June when her grandson n my nephew both graduated from high school. They each were married to their soulmate for 42 n 39 years respectively. They both lost them n it sucks. So the fact that they found one another, love each other n have fun together? It’s pretty cool I think.


  5. sonofabeach96 says:

    I think it’s good to reflect back. You can change the past, only learn from it. Love can certainly cause us to be blind to reality. Glad that fog has lifted for you. As far as your question, I don’t know. But loving someone makes giving chances more feasible, even when it’s not the right decision. Most of us finally seem to realize when enough is enough. Unfortunately, it’s usually because we just can’t stand the hurt any longer. But hey, better late than never, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. omtatjuan3 says:

    I like the sentence, “Why did you give him so many chances?” You loved him and you always will and the truth be told, if he somehow came back and said, “I was wrong!” You’d take him back in a heartbeat.. Such is love

    Liked by 2 people

    • emmagc75 says:

      In a heartbeat? Lol Definitely not. I’m not saying I wouldn’t think about it and want to. That would be a lie. But there would be many hoops for him to go through and issues to address before I would even talk about it. Love doesn’t mean ur a doormat.

      Liked by 2 people

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