Smoke em if you got em

My mother-in-law and father-in-law worked out 5 days a week, eat right, don’t smoke and rarely drink. They did everything we are told by doctors, the news and society that we should do to live a long, healthy and happy life.  My father-in-law died 2 years ago at age 79, just 26 days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  He was the same weight that he had been since high school and in better physical condition than even my husband.

Since then my mother-in-law has obviously struggled, as she had just retired less than a year before.  They had 3 trips already booked when he was diagnosed.  But she is a strong, independent woman and she would not just give up and wither away.  She took a month off and then started working out again 5 days a week.  She joined a bereavement support group and got elected to her local library board.  I can only imagine how hard it has been since she lost her husband of 52 years.

In late July she walked around on a broken hip for 2 weeks before going to the orthopedist because she thought it was a pulled groin muscle from working out too hard.  My father-in-law used to say she didn’t work out hard enough, but he was a hard ass lol. She had hip replacement surgery a month ago and was healing beautifully. She exceeded all expectations and was looking forward to getting back to her life. Until last Thursday when she began to feel weak and exhausted. By Saturday she could barely get out of bed and she had aged 10 years seemingly overnight.  My husband and I were there all day Saturday and Sunday.  I made her soup as she had no appetite and didn’t even have the energy to leave her bed.  Sunday morning my sister-in-law came over, thought my MIL was in a depression and said she was taking her to the hospital.  My MIL refused and said she needed rest. Well even the difference between 9pm Saturday night and noon on Sunday was dramatic.  Her speech was slurred and her motor functions were affected as well.  I thought she might have had a stroke.  So I talked to her throughout the day and got her to agree to go to the hospital the next morning.  I said “T you are slurring your words like a drunk!  You are not depressed, there is something medically wrong and we need to figure it out so you can get well.”

When she went to the hospital Monday morning she had only half the blood volume we normally do and her liver enzymes were high.  They gave her a bag of blood and there was no increase in her volume.  After a colonoscopy and an endoscopy came back clean, we were extremely worried. Today they did a liver biopsy, an MRI of the liver and a Pet scan.  While we won’t know definitively until we get back the pathology report, there are masses in the liver.  They don’t think it originated there, so almost certainly it’s stage iv.  I am leaving work and spending the night with her in the hospital.  No one else was available tonight and like I said before, I’m a pro.  I can count on both hands the amount of people I would sleep in a hospital recliner chair for and my MIL is one of them.

So I am not in a very hopeful and joyous mood right now.  I am bitter and so angry at so many things I feel like my head is going to explode.  I have 30 minutes to get myself together, quit blubbering and paste on a smile.  She’s a very intelligent woman and she doesn’t know anything yet.  Please say prayers and thank you.

59 thoughts on “Smoke em if you got em

  1. eggertl2 says:

    I believe that you should embrace the bitterness, hold it hard and then let it go. You have that right and it is right if you want to do that.your MIL sounds like a wonderful lady. I’m thinking only the best thoughts for the three of you as I know how badly you feel. Your bravery makes us all stronger.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. bipolarsojourner says:

    i feel great sorrow for you. )-: )-: it is quite obvious you both admire and look up to your mil. it surely must must pain you to see such a rapid deterioration. of the couple of handful of people that she would like to spend the night with her in a hospital recliner, you would be right near the top .(-: do me a favor and take care of her and you.

    sending you and you mil lots of hugs and luv. heck, a little extra luv never hurts in a situation like this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thank u very much. I do and last night was a hellish nightmare. Finally they gave her morphine after she screamed n writhed in pain for almost an hour. Her bp was so low they were worried they’d kill her. Hugs n love mean the world. xoxo


  3. Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) says:

    Aww babe I’m so so soooooo very sorry. I wish I could hold your hands and hold your body tightly and just let you cry all over my shoulder right now. Just let it out. It’s not good to hold it in. I’m weeping for you. This isn’t fair. Not one bit. I’ll be thinking of you tonight. I’m going to wish for the best possible outcome. Stay strong sister dear. I love you. You can do this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Whoresnotwelcome says:

    I am saying healing prayers for her. Life can be so cruel and your bitterness is understandable. Fifteen years ago today I sat holding my beloved grandma’s desperately wanting her to stay. In the end I had to tell it was ok to leave us. I cried at the injustice of it. Like your MIL she was fit, independent, with the sharpest of minds. In the end though we have to find the courage to let them continue their journey without us. I hope her pain is not too difficult to bare. Thinking of you xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thank u. I’m sorry for your loss. I just got home from hospital. She was in agony! It was unbearable to watch. Hospitals suck. I had to demand morphine! They didn’t want to give it a second time. She walked around on a broken hip for 2 weeks thinking it was a pulled groin from working out too hard. She has a very high pain threshold. I can’t even imagine it. I never saw my Mom in that much pain ever!


  5. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    You are in my thoughts and positive wishes, sending good vibes your way. Don’t waste time on being bitter – focus on your family and yourself. Now is the time for love and support.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. blooming shadow says:

    I’m so sorry!! Sending you a bug virtual (HUG). Just take each moment as it comes, breathe deeply, and don’t borrow tomorrow’s problems for today. You all are in my prayers.

    Liked by 2 people

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