Family, Grief and Strength

It’s been 2 1/2 weeks since my Mother-in-law died very suddenly and unexpectedly.  In a week she went from being completely healthy to dying of stage 4 ovarian cancer.  The only blessing is she never really knew she was sick.  By the time we knew it was cancer, she was already in hospice.

I’ve just been exhausted physically and emotionally. We’re all Catholic so the wake was Friday day n night. Then Sat morning was the funeral mass at church then the burial. Then we had a lunch at a restaurant. We rented the whole place so it was nice.

Neither of my husband’s brothers or sister are really spiritual (I have lovingly called them heathens for years n my Mother in law used to laugh lol) so I planned the funeral mass. It was beautiful and sweet. Just what she would’ve wanted. No hypocritical church bullshit lol. The priest looked like and sounded exactly like the actor from those old 7 up commercials. My H said his Mom would’ve really liked him.  I thought so too.

I was sitting there in the front on the aisle because I had to do a reading because my brother-in-law changed his mind which I understood.  It really hit me right them, standing near her covered casket and I started crying silently, the tears pouring down my face.  My H took my hand and squeezed while putting his arm around me.  Then of course I felt horrible that he had to comfort me because it was his Mom we lost. But just when I felt so weak and broken, I turned around and looked back at the church.  There a few rows back was my family!!   I knew they would all come to the wake. But I was so surprised and happy to see my Dad, his girlfriend, my brothers n sis in laws, even my cousin at the church. My Mom would’ve wanted that but I was so grateful and it gave me so much comfort and strength.  I know they are all very busy, except my Dad who’s retired, so the fact that they were all there for me?  It helped my heart tremendously and lifted my spirit more than words can ever say.  That’s why even if we drive each other nuts or piss each other off, it doesn’t matter.  When push comes to shove, we are always there for each other and that will never change.  I know how truly blessed and lucky I am to have them in my life.  I’m going to my brother’s house later for a birthday party for my nephew.  They will all be there and I will definitely tell them since I don’t tell them nearly enough how much they mean to me lol.

Life is so short! All that matters is love, family, friends, laughter, joy n yes passion n great sex lol. I know everything does happen for a reason and I am so grateful that I was here for my H when he needed me most. I will continue to be here for him.  But if January comes and there’s still not improvement in the sexless part of our marriage? I will not be living without love, sex and passion and that is non-negotiable.