Men and Women As Friends

Can men and women actually just be friends? Or will sex and attraction always get in the way?

I just found out last night that I wasn’t invited to my close guy friend C’s wedding! He told me about it 2 years ago and asked me to save the date. And why was I not invited? Because while I have always thought of him as a little brother, he thinks I’m hot n obviously she’s insecure. But he doesn’t have a lot of friends or family and we’ve been close for about 7 years. I treated him and his Mom like family.

I knew he was attracted to me but I’ve known him for so long and it’s never been a problem. I’ve always been married and he totally respected that. My Dad n I met him n his Mom thru a bereavement group n all became friends. C n I were really close. My husband doesn’t like him that much but he has never said don’t b friends!

The worst part is that he didn’t even have the courage to call me and let me know. Just invited my Dad and his girlfriend! Are you friggin kidding me? I texted him and he ignored me. Then he texted the next day and apologized. Said they have been battling for months over me!?! I had no idea and I still don’t get it. There was never ever anything between us except friendship. She must be extremely jealous and really insecure to not want me invited. It’s just so crazy and I’m hurt. I’ve only met her a few times but I was always very kind to her. She had gastric bypass surgery because she was really heavy. She’s about half the size she used to be and I thought that was awesome. I just don’t get some women. I am not a waifish supermodel! WTF?!?

Well that friendship is flushed down the tubes. If he had just told me how she felt, I would’ve been hurt but it’s her day and I would never want to upset anyone’s wedding day, no matter how silly it is. But then to invite my Dad?!? My Dad had no idea I wasn’t invited when he agreed to go. I’m just over it. I actually used to invite them places cause he doesn’t have many friends and I felt bad.

And I never said anything about the fact that he dated 2 other women at the same time he was dating her! They deserve each other lol!

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119 thoughts on “Men and Women As Friends

  1. Jarrod C says:

    I’m late to this party so I didn’t read all the comments so I apologize in advance if I touch on something already discussed.

    One, this is a horrible start to this marriage. And, I guarantee you it won’t last. A wise man once told me, “there can be no love where there is no trust.”

    It is disappointing he couldn’t come clean and just tell you. I’d say it has more to do with her than anything you did and he just didn’t want to have to deal with her. You are right you lost a friend but he made his choice.

    I believe men and women can truly be friends. I have many female friends. The key is that boundaries need to be defined. Things need to be black and white. Once things become gray, is where trouble lurks.

    Sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blooming shadow says:

    I’m sorry the friendship seems to be ending. Especially on top of the other issues you’re dealing with.

    Not to add yet another sob story to the mix, I will. Throughout my life, I have always had more male friends than female and in college my BFF was a guy. We were together all the time and he apparently had a crush on me he never got the courage to express/explore. He even got along great with my soon-to-be-husband. (I honestly don’t know if I could have ever made the jump to romantic feelings for him if he had mentioned it before I met my husband. Moot point, anyway!)

    What he DID have to courage to do was – after agreeing to be in my wedding – just not show up. I called him the next day (before going on my honeymoon?!) and his explanation was, “He woke up and had breakfast and just forgot it was my wedding day.” I so wish he would have talked to me about whatever was really going on, but he didn’t and that was the end of the line for our friendship. I have literally never spoken to him again 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Miss Evelyn says:

    You’re married so she should not be that scared but I’m in the boat so I understand. That’s why I hide male friends from my husband. If he knew, I don’t know where I’ll be by now. I know they are attracted to me but they know better than to act on it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    How is this for a small world.

    My ex-wife, when we were engaged and making out guest list would not allow me to invite one specific person: the women that I am now currently married to.

    Women’s intuition?!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The things you think you would never do. says:

    I am sorry to hear that your friendship is over through no fault of your own. After all those years of friendship you would have thought he respected your friendship enough to have given you an explanation. Perhaps you will reconnect in later life but until then look after yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. autumndrakewolfe says:

    I guess there’s a really fine line between “buddies” and”fuck buddies.” And when they are “just friends hanging out,” it could go on forever behind your back and you would never know.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. sonofabeach96 says:

    That’s a bit ridiculous. Of course men and women can be friends. My god people, we as humans do have self control. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean your dick will make you jump them. We can look but not touch. It just kills me the way some people think. Get a grip! My wife had several friends that I would consider attractive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be in the same room with them without ripping their clothes off right then and there. This scenario is pretty pathetic if ya ask me. She sounds totally insecure and he sounds like a simpleton.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. sunshinelifeforme says:

    My husband has always had many female friends, in part because the line of work he’s in puts him in front of women that own similar businesses. Until recently I had no issue with him having networking lunches with these friends or spending time with them without me. Now, even though his AP was not one of these friends (in fact he’s never mentioned her) I’m likely going to be more careful and interested in the why’s and where’s if he wants to go back to spending time with the female friends in the future. It’s just the way it is. Perhaps your friend’s fiancé had a cheater before she met your friend, or maybe she knows about the other women you said he dated while with her.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. bipolarsojourner says:

    i feel sadness for you for the loss of your friendship at least at the level you are use to you. i feel sadness for your friend for the problems that come with a insecure partner. i feel sadness for her and the fear that she might lose what she has.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. KcRambles says:

    Not everyone believes that a man and a woman can be strictly friends. I know strictly friendship can exist between both sexes. I’ve had more guy friends than girlfriends in my 33 years of life. Some of my best friends have been male (straight) and nothing sexually, romantically has ever happened between me and them. Now, not every partner is ok with their SO having a close friendship with someone from the opposite sex. A great friend of mine who at that time was my BFF stopped speaking to me because hos then girlfriend was jealous of me. And the most ridiculous thing was that I had moved to a totally different continent and still I was banned from being his friend. Only when they broke up two years later did he contact me again. That was 10 years ago and we are still in contact.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. New Journey says:

    I believe he wanted you there, sounds like she is insecure, sad, but she won’t be able to get over it obviously so he caved and made her happy…it is what it is…sorry it upset you..but I agree its her day and why get upset over her hang ups….I would send them a card and wish them the best and sign your husband and your name…be bigger than them…its okay to still wish them well….just a thought…I would….kat

    Liked by 2 people

  12. samlobos says:

    Wow, that sucks! Why are they getting married in the first place if there’s already trust issues between them? I think that men and women can be friends, but it’s usually hard to maintain. I’m sorry that happened. Ugh. Obviously both of them have some issues to work out and it’s better that you aren’t involved in it.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. bleedingheartspoetry says:

    It is possible but you will always have the issue of significant others. I dated a girl briefly and had to explain to her early on that my best friend is a woman. I explained to her that this woman has been in my life since childhood and was not going anywhere. She (the girl I was dating) appreciated my honesty and being upfront about it.. Then our dating ended a couple weeks later due to her insecurity. If she can’t trust me enough to be friends with a woman, then she is not the one for me.

    I am fortunate that my best friends husband has also known me since we were all young. He trusts me and her both completely, partly because he knows me so well, and partly because we have never given him reason not to. All that being said.. Do I love her? Yes, but not in the sense that you would consider romantic. Do I think she’s attractive? Yes she is one of the most beautiful people I know, both physically and in personality. But none of this means that I desire anything more than friendship with her, or her with me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • emmagc75 says:

      You’re very lucky to have that. That’s how it was with us! I mean that he doesn’t desire more than a friendship n neither did I. And my husband trusts me. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry some are just insecure. Be well.

      Liked by 1 person

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