Can men and women actually just be friends? Or will sex and attraction always get in the way?
I just found out last night that I wasn’t invited to my close guy friend C’s wedding! He told me about it 2 years ago and asked me to save the date. And why was I not invited? Because while I have always thought of him as a little brother, he thinks I’m hot n obviously she’s insecure. But he doesn’t have a lot of friends or family and we’ve been close for about 7 years. I treated him and his Mom like family.
I knew he was attracted to me but I’ve known him for so long and it’s never been a problem. I’ve always been married and he totally respected that. My Dad n I met him n his Mom thru a bereavement group n all became friends. C n I were really close. My husband doesn’t like him that much but he has never said don’t b friends!
The worst part is that he didn’t even have the courage to call me and let me know. Just invited my Dad and his girlfriend! Are you friggin kidding me? I texted him and he ignored me. Then he texted the next day and apologized. Said they have been battling for months over me!?! I had no idea and I still don’t get it. There was never ever anything between us except friendship. She must be extremely jealous and really insecure to not want me invited. It’s just so crazy and I’m hurt. I’ve only met her a few times but I was always very kind to her. She had gastric bypass surgery because she was really heavy. She’s about half the size she used to be and I thought that was awesome. I just don’t get some women. I am not a waifish supermodel! WTF?!?
Well that friendship is flushed down the tubes. If he had just told me how she felt, I would’ve been hurt but it’s her day and I would never want to upset anyone’s wedding day, no matter how silly it is. But then to invite my Dad?!? My Dad had no idea I wasn’t invited when he agreed to go. I’m just over it. I actually used to invite them places cause he doesn’t have many friends and I felt bad.
And I never said anything about the fact that he dated 2 other women at the same time he was dating her! They deserve each other lol!
I’m late to this party so I didn’t read all the comments so I apologize in advance if I touch on something already discussed.
One, this is a horrible start to this marriage. And, I guarantee you it won’t last. A wise man once told me, “there can be no love where there is no trust.”
It is disappointing he couldn’t come clean and just tell you. I’d say it has more to do with her than anything you did and he just didn’t want to have to deal with her. You are right you lost a friend but he made his choice.
I believe men and women can truly be friends. I have many female friends. The key is that boundaries need to be defined. Things need to be black and white. Once things become gray, is where trouble lurks.
Sorry for your loss.
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Thanks Jarrod! Yeah he’s a putz lol.
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Thanks Anna! I was getting jealous of Melanie having her own art! Lol
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*but, I will. Rebel that I am 😉
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LOL! U gotta share silly 🙂
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I’m sorry the friendship seems to be ending. Especially on top of the other issues you’re dealing with.
Not to add yet another sob story to the mix, I will. Throughout my life, I have always had more male friends than female and in college my BFF was a guy. We were together all the time and he apparently had a crush on me he never got the courage to express/explore. He even got along great with my soon-to-be-husband. (I honestly don’t know if I could have ever made the jump to romantic feelings for him if he had mentioned it before I met my husband. Moot point, anyway!)
What he DID have to courage to do was – after agreeing to be in my wedding – just not show up. I called him the next day (before going on my honeymoon?!) and his explanation was, “He woke up and had breakfast and just forgot it was my wedding day.” I so wish he would have talked to me about whatever was really going on, but he didn’t and that was the end of the line for our friendship. I have literally never spoken to him again 😦
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Wow! That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
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Luckily I’m over it 🙂
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You’re married so she should not be that scared but I’m in the boat so I understand. That’s why I hide male friends from my husband. If he knew, I don’t know where I’ll be by now. I know they are attracted to me but they know better than to act on it.
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Exactly! Like son said we’re not animals geez! Lol
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If they were to act on their feelings, yes they would be animals. But come to think of it, your friend’s wife is probably thinking if he has a crush on you, then he’s “cheating” because its an emotional desire which is really just ridiculous. It’s the same reason why my husband thinks reading sex novels and using sex toys is “cheating.”
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It is ridiculous and your hubby is a crazy wannabe pirate without a parrot lol
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“Polly, want a cracker?” :O)
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LMAO!!
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Hi, me again. Someone once told me that there’s no such thing as a platonic friendship and I’m afraid I have to agree with it.
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Oh it was 100% platonic on my end! I don’t agree with that sorry.
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Remember he was attracted to you so it was not platonic?
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Just cause he was attracted to me does not make it romantic Thumb lol. Even he acknowledges it was platonic.
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Well all right! LOL!
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🙂
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How is this for a small world.
My ex-wife, when we were engaged and making out guest list would not allow me to invite one specific person: the women that I am now currently married to.
Women’s intuition?!
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No way! Really Vic?!? THAT will not be what happens in this case!!! Lol
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How is this for more coincidence:
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What??
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Sorry accidentally hit the reply button before I was finished.
My ex is adopted, her older brother is also adopted. My current wife is adopted, her older brother is adopted. I also met my ex at the same place I met my current wife.
😧
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Ok that’s bizarre! Where did u meet them both???
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At work. I actually knew my my current wife before my ex-wife, but like I said – at the time we were just friends.
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How long were u married first time? 2nd time was the charm I hope?
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First time was about 1 1/2 years dating and 2 years married. Fancy & expensive wedding. It was a mess, both of us way too immature – sobering and instructive experience.
Second time around was about 1ish years dating (but we had known each other for 10+ years) and 13 years married and still chugging along. We had a very small and intimate wedding that cost us about $1000 total.
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Well I’m glad you’re still together and happy. That’s what matters.
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Yeah! U were just building up dramatic tension heehee
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Oh yea, that is it!! I MEANT to do that – lol.
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Lol
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I am sorry to hear that your friendship is over through no fault of your own. After all those years of friendship you would have thought he respected your friendship enough to have given you an explanation. Perhaps you will reconnect in later life but until then look after yourself.
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He said he was a coward n I agreed lol.
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Thank you! I am not looking to salvage the friendship anytime soon.
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I guess there’s a really fine line between “buddies” and”fuck buddies.” And when they are “just friends hanging out,” it could go on forever behind your back and you would never know.
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We haven’t hung out alone in at least 3 years n even then just lunch or dinner. There is not a chance in hell of us ever hooking up!!!
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Yes, insecurity is absolute hell. It’s not always logical. But I was speaking in more general terms, about men and women being friends.
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We’re all insecure in our own way. I didn’t know her well enough to know how deep the problem was. Now I never will lol.
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😀 tell her!!!!
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Why?
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That’s a bit ridiculous. Of course men and women can be friends. My god people, we as humans do have self control. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean your dick will make you jump them. We can look but not touch. It just kills me the way some people think. Get a grip! My wife had several friends that I would consider attractive, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be in the same room with them without ripping their clothes off right then and there. This scenario is pretty pathetic if ya ask me. She sounds totally insecure and he sounds like a simpleton.
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It is completely ridiculous and you are absolutely right! The whole thing is childish n immature.
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Oh well, their loss. 😃
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Thanks Son!
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Of course! 🙂
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Well said SOB! Men and women can be friends. But there is idiots that doesn’t think so. That’s the problem 🙂
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I don’t get it. We control ourselves, our genitals don’t. God lord people. 😕
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Ur funny lol
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It just kills me. Look, I love sex as much as anyone, and I see attractive women daily, even close friends. But damn, I’m capable of being near them without falling into a hot mess pool of drool and/or dropping trough to display an uncontrolled erection. Give me a break! I control my penis, not the other way around. Not being able to hang with an attractive woman because you’re attracted to her? I call bullshit and extreme immaturity. Just my humble opinion though. 😃
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I agree 100%. Maybe she senses he had someone else n mistakenly thought it was me. He’s an idiot n they deserve one another lol.
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Haha! Evidently
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Now I’m just grateful it’s not my monkey n not my circus lol.
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Haha! I’ve found that life is sometimes a different circus…but usually the same clowns. The sheep are better left in the pen. I bet their perspective is more common than we think. The world is full of people not cursed with self-awareness
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Life is definitely a circus. Oh to be blissfully unaware lol.
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No shit! Jimmy Buffet has a song called “Mental Floss”. Check it out. Oh to be unaware! Wouldn’t that be lovely? 😃
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I definitely will. I’m not a parrothead but I do like his music lol
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It’s just very appropriate when discussing not being self-aware and having to not think, at all. Pretty funny song. 😊
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Going to youtube right now 😉!
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With that twisted logic we should also kill people everytime we wish idiots to go away 🙂 Men and women can be friends and we should all let them be friends instead of being suspicious.
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Yes I think they can too.
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I hear ya. Seems if you distrust your significant other that much, maybe you’re with the wrong person.
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Very true!
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Totally agree 🙂
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So many trust issues and still they are planning to tie the knot? 😐 I’m sorry about the way you were treated but you are better off far away from all this drama than being right at the middle of it. 🙂
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Very true! Especially since I was completely unaware of the fact there was drama or that it was about me lol.
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**should have said “he’d never mentioned her”.
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My husband has always had many female friends, in part because the line of work he’s in puts him in front of women that own similar businesses. Until recently I had no issue with him having networking lunches with these friends or spending time with them without me. Now, even though his AP was not one of these friends (in fact he’s never mentioned her) I’m likely going to be more careful and interested in the why’s and where’s if he wants to go back to spending time with the female friends in the future. It’s just the way it is. Perhaps your friend’s fiancé had a cheater before she met your friend, or maybe she knows about the other women you said he dated while with her.
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That’s possible but still absolutely nothing to do with me.
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You’re right, it doesn’t, but if he’s chosen to marry her, he has to respect her feelings over yours. Honestly, it sounds as if he’ll be regretting it in the end. The bottom line is it’s very sad that we can’t trust our partners, for whatever reason.
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That’s why I’m okay with it. Live and let live lol
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How are u doing?
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Just taking it day by day right now. Today has been a good day. Thanks for asking.😊
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Glad to hear it. Hugs xo!
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I think she could sense there was someone else and maybe she mistakenly thinks it was me. Who knows? Ce la vie!
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Wow! some people are unbelievable! 🙂
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Yes they are! 🙂
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i feel sadness for you for the loss of your friendship at least at the level you are use to you. i feel sadness for your friend for the problems that come with a insecure partner. i feel sadness for her and the fear that she might lose what she has.
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Thanks. I’m okay now. If it mattered he would’ve found the courage to be honest but he didn’t. So that’s that. How are u?
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is it as good as it gets?
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Is what as good as it gets?
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click on it. it’s a link to my most recent post.
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Never said anything about the fact that he dated 2 other women at the same time he was dating her! < Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! LOL!
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I told him he was an idiot lol. But totally not my place to get involved. And he’s sooo not suave so it was funny.
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OH YEAH!
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Not everyone believes that a man and a woman can be strictly friends. I know strictly friendship can exist between both sexes. I’ve had more guy friends than girlfriends in my 33 years of life. Some of my best friends have been male (straight) and nothing sexually, romantically has ever happened between me and them. Now, not every partner is ok with their SO having a close friendship with someone from the opposite sex. A great friend of mine who at that time was my BFF stopped speaking to me because hos then girlfriend was jealous of me. And the most ridiculous thing was that I had moved to a totally different continent and still I was banned from being his friend. Only when they broke up two years later did he contact me again. That was 10 years ago and we are still in contact.
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Wow! I never had this happen before. On a different continent n still jealous? That’s bad lol. I’m glad you got ur friend back. Hugs
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I believe he wanted you there, sounds like she is insecure, sad, but she won’t be able to get over it obviously so he caved and made her happy…it is what it is…sorry it upset you..but I agree its her day and why get upset over her hang ups….I would send them a card and wish them the best and sign your husband and your name…be bigger than them…its okay to still wish them well….just a thought…I would….kat
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Thanks Kat. That’s a great idea 🙂
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that’s what I would do and then say the friendship is over….be happy that he was a good friend for as long as he was….he boarded a different ship and is sailing a different ocean…isn’t there an ole saying about ships passing in the night….not sure that is correct for this though…lol doesn’t mean the ships docked…LOL I really have to stop….
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LMAO! Oh the friendship is over n I am glad he was a good friend once. I will send a card, wish him well and let his ship sail away lol
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Ya I got a little carried away….at least I caught myself…LOL
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I enjoyed it lol!
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thanks…..honey your on a luxury cruise right where you are!!!!
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A luxury cruise HAS SEX!!!! LOL
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laughing out load again….
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I’m like a horny 17 year-old!!!! Not cool lol
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still laughing….no way he( your husband) will respond if you come on to him???
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No way! I have been rejected enough for 5 lifetimes. Hell if I didn’t get hit on every other day, I would have serious self-esteem issues lol.
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I know you have talked about making some decisions, maybe its time??
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I promised H I would wait until January to make a decision. I also promised P that after December I am locking the door on us n throwing away the key.
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sweeting you should of thrown away that key a long, long time ago….he doesn’t deserve you no matter…..
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Oh I didn’t mean I would take him back lol. He seems to confuse loving someone with being a doormat. That’s not me n it never will be. Thank u. He definitely doesn’t deserve my love because in the end he was too damaged to truly value it.
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Ahhhh sigh of relief I thought I had read a post where you said that, but the hear is fickle….good girl…you deserve someone who is all yours 100%
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Thank you! Yeah the heart is fickle. On one hand I can never understand walking away from love. But I also know I was meant to be with H when we lost his Mom. And I get it’s hard to change ur life. But a year is plenty of time to sort yourself out. Some things happen for a reason. He can waste his life, I will not waste mine 🙂
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good thinking….but P didn’t deserve you..you may thought he loved you but no person treats another that way if you love them…no matter….and sometimes no matter how hard, and how difficult it is, you have to have respect for yourself…and always, always put yourself first before your spouse….not the kids….but your partner.. if its not equal then you have to be thinking about you….yes I am glad he had you there through the difficult time…and I think its wonderful your giving him the time he asked for, but I agree after January, it time to get on with it…..your a smart woman….good for you!!!
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Thanks for the support! I guess ur right. In the end, his actions showed he didn’t deserve me. And the fact that he stays unhappy n unloved proves it. Yes in January hard choices will have to be made. Life is too short. Hugs xo!
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I just tagged you in my latest post to do the Be Thankful challenge! 🙂 I think you need something to keep your mind off other things…LOL
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Thank you!! I most certainly do lol. Hugs xo.
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xxxxx
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Wow, that sucks! Why are they getting married in the first place if there’s already trust issues between them? I think that men and women can be friends, but it’s usually hard to maintain. I’m sorry that happened. Ugh. Obviously both of them have some issues to work out and it’s better that you aren’t involved in it.
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I have no idea lol. Thanks Sam, it’s just so crazy n sad. I was hurt but now I’m fine. Hugs xo!
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It is possible but you will always have the issue of significant others. I dated a girl briefly and had to explain to her early on that my best friend is a woman. I explained to her that this woman has been in my life since childhood and was not going anywhere. She (the girl I was dating) appreciated my honesty and being upfront about it.. Then our dating ended a couple weeks later due to her insecurity. If she can’t trust me enough to be friends with a woman, then she is not the one for me.
I am fortunate that my best friends husband has also known me since we were all young. He trusts me and her both completely, partly because he knows me so well, and partly because we have never given him reason not to. All that being said.. Do I love her? Yes, but not in the sense that you would consider romantic. Do I think she’s attractive? Yes she is one of the most beautiful people I know, both physically and in personality. But none of this means that I desire anything more than friendship with her, or her with me.
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You’re very lucky to have that. That’s how it was with us! I mean that he doesn’t desire more than a friendship n neither did I. And my husband trusts me. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry some are just insecure. Be well.
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If they are grown-ups, I think they can. It does make things more complicated though, but most things worth having are a little complicated.
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I guess he’s just a 38 year-old man child lol.
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