Close Your Eyes & Relax

miracle of gratitude

I have dabbled with meditation in the past, but never stuck with it until recently. It’s kind of amazing how it can change your whole mindset. Like yesterday, I was feeling a little sad after spending the weekend going through my Mother-in-law’s closets to get ready for the huge Estate Sale we are having next weekend. Sometimes I still can’t believe that she’s really gone.

After we got home, I just felt a little depressed and exhausted. So I did 2 guided meditations that I found on youtube. Each was about 20-25 minutes and the result was amazing and immediate. I felt happy, centered and so grateful for all the good that I have in my life. There was so much light and love, and it was all coming from inside me.  I was actually kind of shocked that I got so much out of it.

Years ago, I used to laugh at my friends that are into meditation, yoga, etc. I knew it was a good thing but I don’t think I had any clue how life-changing it can be. I took a mediation class about 10 years ago but didn’t really get that much out of it. I don’t know what changed. But last night, I put my headphones on and just really got into a zone.  I honestly cannot believe how much better it made me feel.  

This morning I woke up still feeling so grateful for all my blessings and all the wonderful people I have in my life.  For all the family and friends that actually want to be in my life and go out of their way to show me how much they care.

I was heartbroken, traumatized and angry for so long.  And you know what? I had every right to be.  I couldn’t understand how someone could say they love you with all their heart and soul one day, that you were the only woman in the world for them and then dump you in an email and put your love in a box!!!!!  It was extremely traumatic to have the man you love completely turn his back on you. I’ve never experienced that trauma and abandonment before and I know I never will. Thankfully, now I rarely think of him and I’m glad.  

I do know he has read my blog once or twice over the last few weeks. I honestly think he reads my posts but he also reads the articles on narcissism and addiction to narcissistic abuse.  It feels a little creepy, but since I don’t plan on mentioning him again after December, I don’t see it becoming a problem. I wish him well but he is no longer part of my life or my future. All this time I felt like he didn’t choose me. And that deeply hurt my heart. But actually he didn’t choose love, joy, sex and happiness. And finally after almost 11 months? Now I no longer choose him.

“We shouldn’t cross the river for a person who doesn’t want to cross a puddle for us.” Doesn’t that just kind of say it all? LOL

Today I found a nearby yoga class that starts in January. I can register for it the first week in November. I’m really looking forward to it.

I’m on a journey and I’m going where the love and great sex is! ♡♡♡

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25 thoughts on “Close Your Eyes & Relax

      • The things you think you would never do. says:

        Well because you learned how to fall out of love with someone who isn’t right for you. That is where I want to be. Furthermore, you found something, a tool to give you inner peace. That is fantastic.

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        • emmagc75 says:

          It’s taken a long time, longer than I could have ever imagined. In the end, he just wasn’t ready. It wasn’t just that he broke my heart, he did it in an email!

          The loss really traumatized me because I thought we belonged together and he said he did too. But between his anxiety disorder, fear and spending 20 years being mentally screwed by a frigid narcissist, we probably didn’t stand a chance. When I actively tried NOT to love him, it hurt and unlike him I’m not screwed up enough to be able to stick my love in a box and put it away like he did. So I mourned the loss and then remembered all his many many issues, medical problems, quirks, and other flaws lol. He might be good looking, but he was damn lucky I loved him. I will never have another affair, that is for sure.

          How long ago did you break up? I hope you’re ok. Hugs xo!

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          • The things you think you would never do. says:

            The email part is unforgivable. What a lack of respect that shows. We “broke up” in August…but we were never really together. We came so close but never actually got there which is quite toxic because it is easy to fill my head with how wonderful it would have been to be with him without any reality to ground me. I think that is what is keeping me in love with him. My counsellor said that I may never stop loving him just learn not to have him in my life the way i want.Then I need to decide if I still love my husband and whether to stay in my marriage. I will get there, just seems a bit overwhelming.

            Liked by 1 person

            • emmagc75 says:

              That was disrespectful. Never actually got there? What do u mean? Oh I totally understand the romanticizing the relationship lol. It can keep you stuck. I think a part of me will love him for a while and that’s okay. I just have faith that things happen for a reason.
              Believe me, I completely understand how overwhelming it is deciding whether to stay or go. I definitely love my H and know he loves me. I just can’t live without sex and some passion. If we can’t rekindle that thru therapy, I’m not staying. But I will never have another affair. Not worth the pain. What about you? Have u considered therapy together?

              Liked by 1 person

              • The things you think you would never do. says:

                I fell in love with 700 over six months we only kissed a bunch of times, it got to the point where he was telling me he would love me forever and we would get a house together. That week I said I would leave my husband and asked him to wait for me….A week later he was with someone else (that lasted two weeks! Haha) I only found out on Facebook. He never had the guts to tell me.

                Me and my husband’s first therapy session is on Tuesday.

                Liked by 1 person

  1. VegasSweetheart says:

    I practice mindful meditation too! I use the app HeadSpace I found through my mentor. I’m still on the 10min sessions (he’s on 20min), but it’s so helpful!
    I love the quote, “We shouldn’t cross the river…” that just fits so perfectly with the type of day I had. Too perfect.
    Good luck on your new journey!! ❤

    Like

  2. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    No reason why you cannot have as much fun as possible on your journey! I am a big proponent of meditation and its benefits.

    Like

  3. samlobos says:

    I’m glad you are doing this for you. Maybe I’ll get there too in a couple of months. I’ve reached the 3 month mark so we’ll see. I thought it funny in a coincidental way that we got “dumped” in the exact same way. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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