It always makes me laugh how life unfolds. In my experience, usually NOT at all the way we hoped or expected. After overcoming a lot of things, I have learned to lean into the curves and continue to grow through adversity and heartbreak.
I have only had my heartbroken twice in my life. Once when I was 21 and the other last year. The first guy to ever break my heart was Brian and he was my first real love. I was sure we were meant to be lol. I’m actually cringing as I write this. It sounds so silly and naive now. We were complete opposites and had nothing in common. Except an incredible physical chemistry and an intense sexual chemistry. Looking back after all these years, you always see things much clearer. I think because the sex was incredible I mistook it for a deeper spiritual connection. He had a drinking problem, no ambition and while he did chase after me for months, eventually it became obvious that he was kind of a selfish jerk. But 2 tumultuous years later, when he broke up with me, I was absolutely devastated. It actually makes me laugh now how it was the worst thing that could ever happen and I thought I would never be happy again. A few months later, we got back together and then I finally saw him as he was, not how I wanted him to be. I dumped him a few months later and never looked back.
A few years after I was married, Brian found me on Facebook and proceeded to tell me I was the love of his life. He never should have let me go and he still loves me, blah blah blah. All I could think of to say was, “What friggin relationship were you in?!?” LOL I was married, quite happily and had no intention of ever cheating on my H. On my birthday he posted all these love songs to me, and a few other inappropriate things that just made me laugh. My H is a good sport and after I told Brian to cut it out, he stopped.
So last week, Brian texts me the day after I told my H that I was going to need some sort of pass to have sex. I said I wouldn’t have it with P and he didn’t have to worry but I was going to lose my mind.
Ex-boyfriends must have a homing beacon that lets them know when you’re vulnerable lol. I thought Brian might be the perfect candidate. We have history, I’m obviously comfortable with him, and there is absolutely NO chance of me falling for him again. Like I have said before, I love fiercely and with my whole heart. But when I’m finally done, I am just done. There is no going back EVER!
He was speechless when I told him about the sexless marriage. He told me that in 2 years, he NEVER once remembers me saying not now, I’m not in the mood, I have a headache, or EVER turning down sex. LOL!! He’s single and quickly asked me if I would let him cook me dinner sometime.
But honestly? After talking to him a few times? He’s still the same selfish jerk he was 20 years ago. I guess that’s why he’s single and has never been married. So I took a pass and wished him luck.
That’s the thing about heartbreak, you can’t plan for it or avoid it. But hopefully you can learn from it and not repeat the same old mistakes.