I No Longer Feel The Need

For a while now, I have been drafting a final goodbye letter to Putz. Saying all the beautiful loving things I had left to say. I intended to email it December 31st. Today I realized that I had completely forgotten about it!! Not only do I no longer care enough to send it, what the heck would be the point? What’s done is done. Nothing can change what’s happened and I believe there’s a reason for almost everything.

I actually unblocked him last week and we texted a little. Nothing much at all and I feel so much freer not hating him and missing him. He texted me to say Have a Happy New Year and be safe a few nights ago. I haven’t responded and I won’t. I don’t hate him but come on now! We’re not bffs lol. We will both simply work on our marriages and move on with our lives now. It’s way past time.

He’s still really trying to save his ridiculously dysfunctional “family” as well as his crappy marriage to a narcissist. He says she’s being nice and really trying too. I wish him lots of luck with that, cause boy he’s gonna need it lol. I respect him for trying and hope he finds real love n happiness someday. But if not, that’s entirely his choice and only his life he’s wasted alone and unloved.

My H has just made an appointment with a psychiatrist. He comes from a tough Italian/German family where even if you got shot, you would definitely be told to “walk it off”! So to even think of going to a shrink was unfathomable to him. But he said he knows I am pulling away and he doesn’t want to lose me. And he is actively trying to rebuild intimacy and spend time together. It’s been really nice to see the man I fell in love with starting to re-emerge. It’s been a long time. I’m cautiously optimistic so I guess we’ll see.

Whatever happens, mentally I’m in a really good place and I’m happy. Thankfully 2015 is over. 2016 will be a time of change, growth and hopefully love and lots of great sex!

Wishing you all a wonderful New Year full of love, joy, laughter and yes sex 🙂

32 thoughts on “I No Longer Feel The Need

  1. learning to live like water says:

    Happy New Year. I totally get writing the letter, and not sending it. I think it puts the energy out into the universe, so is helpful. But to actually send it and try to engage in that dialogue would come to no good end. So glad your husband is responding positively to the issues.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thanks! I think so too about putting the energy out there! It took me such a long time to heal n let go. We spent over a year and 100s of hours talking. Going round n round and getting nowhere lol. I’m just really glad I no longer feel that unhealthy and crazy compulsion to contact. Then the withdrawals. Uggh lol! 2016 is the Year of Happiness n Love!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. survivednarc says:

    Great to hear that you have been able to let go more and more of that which wasn’t working out for you… I know how har d it can be. 💜 Wishing you all of the best for 2016! This must be the year for happiness. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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