My Illness Is Not a Theory!

Depression causes

depression chemicals

When I was 20 my Uncle (who I love but who talks out of his ass quite frequently lol) told me depression doesn’t exist.  I remember laughing even back then and saying that I really wished he was right! LOL  Fortunately my meds were working at the time or I would have burst into tears. Not quiet tears either. The kind of crying where it sounds like the person is hyperventilating lol.  My parents had prepared me well for situations like this. And I guess I had enough self-confidence and belief in myself to realize that what he was saying was complete nonsense.

Many years later, he had open heart surgery and went through a depression for about a year afterward.  He has obviously changed his views on the topic, but it never really bothered me. I have never forgotten it, but I know he loves me and he’s just old school Italian/Irish from Brooklyn. One of his daughters has depression and 2 of his grandkids as well. This is my Dad’s family, so I guess it runs in both sides of my family.

A few days ago a fellow blogger said something that threw me for a loop. This blogger has strong opinions and I have always appreciated his comments and his posts. But we were talking about chemical imbalances and he said that he didn’t believe in them!!!  I thought he was kidding because I HAVE A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE and I know he himself suffers from depression. I am aware that for him it comes from a difficult childhood and problems with his Mother, etc. I was taken back when he said we had to agree to disagree on whether chemical imbalances was just a theory or not!!!!  Seriously!?!?!?!

Well, I was a little hurt and offended but I let it go because I know the truth and I am way past the age where I need to prove anything to anyone. You know the saying opinions are like aholes? Everybody has one lol.  The next day another blogger commented in reply, calling him on what he had said.  It definitely made me feel better that other people see how ridiculous the whole idea is. It’s like saying cancer or diabetes is a theory!!  It’s completely disrespectful and offensive to those of us that suffer from a chemical imbalance.

When I got sick, I was 18. I had no problems or issues. I had great friends, a loving boyfriend, an amazing family and  a 4.0 GPA. It didn’t make any sense that I just started crying 24/7 for no reason. Suddenly, I was so sad and in so much friggin pain. It felt like a big black hole was getting bigger and bigger.  I felt worthless, weak, ugly and pathetic.  As this is not my normal personality, then or now, I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance which for me causes severe clinical treatment-resistant depression. This diagnosis has been backed up over the years by a physician, a psychiatrist, a psychopharmacologist, and a social worker. Believe me, for years I hated the fact that I was upset about nothing!!!  There was no reason for my depression and it felt so unfair. Because if there were reasons, there was something to solve or work through. This was just so arbitrary yet still completely debilitating.

Now things have happened over the last 20 years that have given me plenty of reasons to be depressed. But that’s life isn’t it? I lost my amazing Mom, my 2 cousins, my Uncle, etc. But this blogger started saying that because I post about narcissism that I obviously have psychological issues. Well, I have never been in an abusive relationship with anyone, much less a narcissist. He also went on to USE MY BLOG POSTS AS PROOF THAT I DIDN’T HAVE A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE!!! That I have trauma and problems blah blah blah.

Obviously he didn’t like being told by this other blogger (who was totally right and not unkind) that he was wrong. And as he does have anger management issues, he took it out on me. The simple fact is he needed to be right more than he needed to be kind.

I am a very forgiving person and try not to hold grudges so if he had just acknowledged that he was wrong to use my choice of blog posts to show why I’m depressed and try to tell me about MY ILLNESS? I would’ve accepted it and wiped the slate clean.  But he seems to think he has done nothing wrong and that’s just not acceptable to me.

I am a good and kind person but let me make one thing perfectly clear. NO ONE has the right to tell me my medically documented illness is a FUCKIN THEORY, especially on MY BLOG!!! Not now and not ever!! And then to take it further and basically tell me that he doesn’t believe all the medical professionals but yet he doesn’t want to be accused of attacking me, AS HE WAS ATTACKING ME?!?!? I might be kind and forgiving, but I’m strong and I was really pissed.

I have always been prepared to defend myself against ignorant people that know nothing about mental illness. I just never thought I would have to defend myself against people that HAVE mental illnesses!

 

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35 thoughts on “My Illness Is Not a Theory!

  1. escharae says:

    You tell him, girl! The other day I was reading an article about ECT being increasingly used here in Portugal to treat severe mental illnesses. Out of curiosity I started reading the comments and I just couldn’t believe it. Medical science is in the 21st century; people’s knowledge is stuck in the Medieval Ages.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. idioglossiablog says:

    I’m sorry you had this experience. I tried to write a post about my experience with depression, and it was so difficult to describe the feeling with words. I refer to it as a “Soul Coma.” I think the feeling is completely unimaginable to someone who has never experienced chemical depression. G-uno

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thank you. Yes ur right. It is difficult to describe and took me months to finally post about my experience. And to discount that was just very hurtful to me. I was out to dinner the other night with my friend. Our Moms were best friends since middle school. We were saying we never realized how truly lucky we were. Our Moms were very Mrs Brady/June Cleaverish lol and our Dads coached our sports n are great guys. Were they perfect? Heck no but they were pretty awesome lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    So much misinformation out there, it is not surprising that the “casual observer” would have strongly held opinions (that are wrong).

    You know I blog quite a bit about mental health but, since I am not the one suffering from the disorder, I try not to make pronouncements but observations (even though I do consider myself somewhat educated about the topic). Only my wife knows what she is going though, at best I can try to be there for her on her journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sonofabeach96 says:

    Look at you, all growin’ and shit! He’s obviously ill-informed. Of course it’s a chemical imbalance. That’s why mess work, when the right ones are tried. I’m not sure what his angle is, but if he’s upset about your posting about narcissists and their ever so special blend of abuse, me thinks he doth protest too much. You be you, my dear! You rock at it! 👍

    Liked by 1 person

      • Josh Wrenn says:

        Both. I mean the thought of just dumping people on unproven meds with no real investigation. Not to say some meds don’t work…just that many are basically shown to be pure placebo. Placebo is very real though, and does work, but sometimes they do more harm.

        Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      It took me years to find the right combo of meds that gave me my life back n allow me to function. But everyone is different so it’s not one size fits all. Some people’s symptoms aren’t as severe and they choose other alternatives which is great if it helps them. I would never presume to know what someone else needs. But to say that depression can’t be chemical? That it has to be because of trauma or dysfunction is absurd and insulting to those of us that just got the shit end of the genetic lottery ya know? But I also got pretty blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair and awesome boobs so it all evens out heehee 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Josh Wrenn says:

        Hahaha!
        Of course it can be chemical. I would say just like anything else, some is genetics, some is environment. Nature AND nurture. They both okay a part. Just like cancer, many behaviors and things can cause it, or sometimes, like me, you’re just a victim of the genetic lottery.

        Liked by 1 person

      • blooming shadow says:

        Love that you say that, Emma! I always joke that since I don’t have cellulite everything evens out!!!

        I’ve had a few episodes of depression in my life and meds did play a part in my recovery. As bizarre as I’m sure this will sound to some, I could literally feel things changing for the better in my brain from the first dose. I’m do believe my chemistry was off.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. XandrewX says:

    🙂 Emma of course depression exists and completely ridiculous for people to question, in my case (as I tried to explain by email lol once) depression is hereditary on my father’s side.

    Thinking of you, 🙂 Andrew.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. laurelwolfelives says:

    I remember my daughters rolling their eyes when I told them that I was diagnosed with PTSD after finding out that Loser had acquired yet another WTC, but still wanted to keep me. It’s been more than a ten year battle. Remember when depression used to be called melancholy? And, the word hysterectomy comes from the root word…hysterical?
    My response would have been “how dare you criticize me until you’ve been there and been me!

    Liked by 3 people

      • laurelwolfelives says:

        It pisses me off when people think they know it all. My youngest has panic attacks. Her older sisters completely disregard it….even though I told them that both my sisters had them. They accused my youngest of simply being a “drama queen!” It just corks my jaw! God forbid THEY should ever get depressed…or have a panic attack.

        Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:

          Well that’s what happened to my Uncle. He always looks at me with an apologetic face when depression gets discussed now. I never held it against him because he never treated me differently. He’s loving n kind. He just was clueless until it happened to him n his kids.

          Like

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