Birthday Blues/Get Back Up

Sorry all! I wrote this yesterday but wasn’t in the best frame of mind at the time to post it. I actually read today that there is such a thing as birthday blues, getting sad on your birthday.  It’s never happened to me before so I’m hoping it’s NOT that lol. That would suck cause I usually love birthdays.

Today is my birthday. I have so much to be grateful for and I know that.  All the friends and family who have called, sent cards, gifts, messages, etc.  I’m just having a rough day and I don’t think it’s anything in particular.  I guess it’s hormones plus I just miss my Mom, my Dad n his girlfriend are down in Virginia. Even wondering if Putz will say happy birthday.  Actually I know it’s hormones/my illness. I feel sad, a bit weepy and like no one loves me or cares.  The logical part of me knows that’s totally ridiculous, but that’s the illness.  Thankfully, it’s temporary and usually only bad for a few hours. Since it’s only a day or 2 a month and not EVERY SINGLE DAY?  I can handle it. Well I can get through it lol. I just feel like such an annoying whiner LOL!!! I guess I really can cry if I want to huh? Tomorrow will be a better day.

To Get Back Up Is Living Your Best –

Man walking at sunset

Rejection sucks.


Rejection can actually be extremely painful and traumatic.  This is a great article that explains why it’s so difficult to move on from.  I believe that it was the rejection I felt that made getting over my ex so difficult.  Not because he was so perfect or wonderful, but because I had never before felt so rejected or abandoned by someone who supposedly loved me.  It took me over a year to move on and finally let go of that love. Thankfully he doesn’t read my blog anymore.  He would read some of the articles about narcissism and cry. Apparently, truth and honesty don’t mix well with a fake, delusional and dysfunctional life.  He’d rather pretend and lie to himself.  After a lifetime of self-delusion and abuse?  It’s all he knows and, most likely, all he will ever know.  That is completely his choice.  But to allow her selfish behavior and malignant narcissism to screw up both of their children so irrevocably?  I think that’s just unforgivable.  I live my life in the light, not the darkness.  In the truth and not in lies. With him there will always be pain and suffering.  I’m going where the love is 🙂 

Rejection: A Loser’s Guide

by Adoree Durayappah-Harrison MAPP

Raise your hand if you have never heard any of the following lines in one form or another:

  • Let’s just be friends.
  • Unfortunately, we don’t have a position that meets your unique qualifications at this time.
  • We regret to inform you that we cannot grant you acceptance to X University.
  • You are very talented, and I expect you to do great things…elsewhere.

If you’ve finished reading this list and your hand is raised, please bring it down to face level. Cup your hand to your cheek. Pull it back three to five inches and traveling at an increased velocity slap yourself firmly in the face. Why? If you haven’t experienced rejection, this exercise serves as a simulation of what rejection feels like. Actually, a slap in the face is much more pleasant than rejection. Rejection is more of a swift punch to the solar plexus. But since punching oneself in the solar plexus requires dexterity and the knowledge of the location of your solar plexus, for demonstration purposes you must forgive me for choosing the former.

However, chances are you didn’t raise your hand. I’m willing to bet that if you are reading this article, you are all-too-familiar with that uninvited houseguest. Say hello to your good buddy, Rejection.

Now, what you probably already know about rejection is that he isn’t too shy about showing up at the most inappropriate places and at the most inopportune times.

In fact, some common situations where he loves to drop by include when you are:

  • Deeply in love
  • Chasing your dreams
  • Job hunting
  • Starting a new venture
  • Pursing your personal projects
  • Applying and auditioning

And, God knows this list is not exhaustive. Just when you have filed the restraining order and unlisted your phone number guess who managed to find you? That’s right: Rejection.

Your Old Nemesis: Rejection

Do you remember when you first met that meddlesome stranger? I remember the first time I shook his cold, clammy hand. I can still feel the sweat on my palm. It was summer camp; I was seven. We had to swim across the pool “freestyle” in order to earn a green plastic necklace announcing our admission into the coveted deep end. I thought “freestyle” meant we were free to pick any style we wanted. This is America after all! The style I picked was swimming at the bottom of the pool and not coming up for air. I did not earn the attractive green necklace. Instead, I sported a red one the entire duration of camp. I entered a “highly exclusive” group of non deep-end-goers made up of only two girls, a girl from Honduras and myself. Because she didn’t speak any English, we couldn’t even commiserate about our exclusion.

You probably remember your first encounter with rejection: being picked last in gym class or not getting into the advanced reading or math class in elementary school. Perhaps it came at home or on the playground.

Since a young age we have been tormented by rejection. We have seen rejection crop up at school, at work, in relationships, and in the pursuit of our dreams. Over the years, we have been rejected by significant others, from teams, from programs, from projects, from companies, from roles, from organizations, and from institutions.

Logic would suggest that if we have been confronting rejection since a young age on numerous occasions, over the years we should be experts at getting over rejection by now. We all know this isn’t the case.

Why Does Rejection Hurt Us So Badly?

The honest truth is that rejection sucks. Rejection hurts now and will in the future. (Good on you rejection for at least being consistent.)

The purpose of this article is to build our awareness about why rejection hurts so badly, and why even after years of exposure we are not immune to its pernicious effects. In this article we examine rejection psychologically and evolutionarily, to discover what is happening to us neurologically when we feel rejected and why anthropologically speaking, we are hardwired to fear rejection.

Rejection comes from Latin, meaning thrown back. When we are rejected, we feel not only halted but pushed back in the opposite direction of which we were headed. Now consider this, when rejected, how do we describe the event? We tend to say, “I was rejected.” Notice what is going on here. We are using passive voice. This indicates how we feel about the part we play in rejection. We view ourselves as passive, as being the victim of an action, as inactive, as nonparticipative.

Rejection Is Physiologically Heart-Breaking

Do you remember when I made you slap your face? Let’s return to that moment to continue the discussion of what it feels like to be rejected. Okay, you have just received the swift blow of rejection knocking you off guard and what happens? First, you are stunned, disoriented from the blow. You feel weak and helpless. Your body begins to shut down, as you lay there paralyzed from the injury. You might think that I am being overly dramatic, but this is what happens biologically when your body responds to rejection.

Scientists from the University of Amsterdam found that unexpected social rejection is associated with a significant response of the parasympathetic nervous system. Let’s take a quick time-out to discuss just what the heck is the parasympathetic nervous system. When the body is active, generally in fight or flight mode, the sympathetic system engages, heart rate quickens, pupils dilate, energy is directed towards allowing the body to react quickly. However, the parasympathetic system is responsible for when the body is at rest.

Remember how we discussed speaking of rejection in passive voice: “I was rejected”? Well, studies have found that after rejection not only do we think passively, but also we act passively. When faced with unexpected social rejection, research has found that “feeling that you are not liked” results in our heart rate actually slowing down, an activity of the parasympathetic nervous system. Thus, feeling rejected results in you reacting both psychologically and physically. It is interesting to mention that in this study participants’ heart rates fell not only when they heard a person’s unfavorable opinion of them but also in anticipation of hearing a person’s opinion. If told that the person’s opinion of him or her was unfavorable, the individual’s heart rate plummeted even further and took longer to return to baseline. Additionally, heart rates slowed even more when individuals expected a positive opinion but received a negative one. This explains how rejection, especially the kind that blindsides you, literally feels heartbreaking.

We Are Hard-Wired to Fear Rejection

As human beings, we are extremely sensitive to rejection, especially forms of social rejection. We have a strong motivation to seek approval and acceptance. If we take an anthropological perspective, we can see how back in the day-I’m talking about back in the 10,000 BC day-you knew that if you were on your own, your chance of survival was nil. You needed your tribe for food, shelter, and protection. Being rejected from others meant imminent death. Evolutionarily speaking, we are hardwired to form social relationships and strongly motivated to feel liked and feel like we belong.

Getting Over a Breakup Is Like Getting Over a Cocaine Addiction

Neurologically speaking, rejection sucks! And, arguably the worst type of rejection is romantic rejection. Getting over a breakup is like getting over an addition to cocaine. Oh, that isn’t just my personal viewpoint; it is also the opinion and the scientific finding of researchers at Stony Brook University. The researchers found that the area of the brainthat is active during the pain and anguish experienced during a breakup is the same part of the brain associated with motivation, reward, and addiction cravings. Brain imaging shows similarities between romantic rejection and cocaine craving.

Rejection hurts so acutely because we get addicted to the relationship, only to have it taken away from us. And after, just like a drug addiction, we go through withdrawal.

We Aren’t That Good at Dealing With Loss

In general humans aren’t good with dealing with loss. We tend to view loss as much more significant than gain. Psychologist Daniel Kahneman received the Nobel Prize for his work in Prospect Theory. Prospect Theory describes how people make choices in situations where they have to decide between alternatives that involve risk. The model discusses how people realistically decide rather than evidencing how one should make the most optimal decision. Using empirical evidence as the base, the theory describes how individuals evaluate potential losses and gains.

Individuals view the pain of losing $50 as much stronger than the joy of receiving $50. Thus, we tend to be loss averse and will be motivated to avoid risks that involve losing rather than take risks involved in the potential for gains.

Now that we can give the scientific explanation of why rejection sucks and can sound smarter at cocktail parties, let us move on to explore how rejection impairs us not only in the moment but also in the long-term.

After Rejection We Stop Trying and Taking Risks

Sadly there is no surgeon general warning that comes with rejection. So, we must conduct our own exploration into the major effects of rejection that are most inimical to our psychological and physical health. First, we see that rejection can lead to the reduction of hope and the reluctance to take risks.

Psychological studies have proven this outcome. This phenomenon is known in the scientific community as learned helplessness. Psychologist Martin Seligman and Steve Maier discovered during a series of experiments that dogs who had previously “learned” that nothing they did had any effect on preventing shocks when placed in a new situation, where they could have easily escaped the shock, simply lay down passively and whined. Learned helplessness refers to the condition in which animals or human beings learn to behave helplessly, viewing their actions as producing no effective result even when attempting to avoid an unpleasant or harmful situation.

After facing rejection, individuals often feel as if their actions fail to produce any desired effect. As a result, individuals can lose hope that the situation can be improved at all. And, just as the dogs in the experiment, what do we tend to do after a strong blow of rejection? We lie down passively and whine. We complain about how we were wronged saying that the world hates us and that the outcome is completely unfair. But, do we try and take action? No. Rather, we stay in that fetal position and continue to sing our song of sorrows and think why try if there is no point.

We are such diligent students of learned helplessness that we can even learn vicariously. By observing others encountering uncontrollable events, we too can become helpless and passive. Rejection is so strong that even the mere presence of it around us makes as run home to our mommies, worried that if he just beat up Timmy, who knows what he will do when he gets a hold of us. The result: we give up on our goals because we are so preoccupied with failing.

To see the rest of this article go to

Wonderful Wednesday

start a new day

Losing-feelings.-640x640 (1)

letting-go courage

if you care


sometimes not looking

to be happy

i gave up

Positive Thinking

i'm not perfect

don't be afraid to back-up try again



It is beautiful here in NY and I have a 4 day weekend! Woohoo!  It’s my brothers’ birthdays today (they’re twins lol). Having dinner with the family. I have a little Easter Egg hunt planned for the little kids. Then I’m going to my friend’s house (the one who lost her Mom last week) to hang out and have some wine.  I might leave my car there and have my H pick me up after work. They only live a mile away from us. Tomorrow’s Holy Thursday, so I will try my best not to curse. I’ve been doing pretty well but not as good as I should’ve on no meat. I cheated a few times this Lent. My own Birthday is fast approaching (not really a good thing since I turned 40 lol) next Tuesday.

Hope everyone is having a great week. If you are, rock on and keep going where the love is! If you aren’t, please know that I have definitely been there many, many times. And will be again one day.  That’s just life.  But I am sorry you’re struggling and I really hope things get better soon. Hugs 🙂

Monday Musings



The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set because they’ll know another chance will always be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.
~Trent Shelton

Unfortunately, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Looking back it’s so clear, but I was blinded by love. Ok, if I’m totally honest I was blind, deaf and dumb lol!!!

Most of the time P and I got along really well but when he would get anxious, he would start to pull away and that made me feel completely out of control and hurt.  Looking back, it seems so clear he was conflicted about us and I should have just let him walk away.

We really do teach people what we will accept and not accept in terms of the way we are treated. Loving someone doesn’t mean they get a free pass to hurt and disrespect us. We need to love ourselves enough to walk away, no matter how painful it is.

I definitely should’ve walked away a few months before we actually broke up.  If I had been true to myself, not so friggin weak and addicted to him? People tell me how strong I am but I wasn’t strong enough to see the truth. Sometimes love just isn’t enough, it takes faith and trust from BOTH of you.

Now I know that no one is ever worth losing my self-respect and my dignity.  If someone truly loves you, you won’t have to fight to keep them. They will want to be there. If they don’t? YOU HAVE TO LET THEM GO, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS!!  And believe me I know it hurts like hell.  It hurts so damn much, you don’t know how you will ever pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and carry on. Even if you believe you are soulmates, twin flames or maybe that you met in another life. Even if you believe with every piece of your heart and soul that you were meant to be together.

I am here to tell you, YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN! I am living proof that life does go on and so will your heart (just like that song lol).

Please do yourself a favor, take a deep breath and just let go 🙂

Finally Friday!

I am so ecstatic to be done with this crazy week.  I plan on relaxing and spending time with my hubby this weekend. We have to figure out what we are doing for Easter.  One of his brothers wants to go out to Montauk and start a new tradition.  I actually think it’s a pretty good idea to get away and start fresh for a day.  The first holidays after you lose someone you love just suck.  There’s no way of getting around that.  But I think having something fun to look forward to might help ease the pain and loss, even if just for a short time.  I guess we will see what hubby wants to do and go from there. I am not usually so passive and willing to just go along but I remember after my Mom died, I just wanted to be with my family every holiday that year.  So I want to show my H the same kindness and consideration that he gave to me when I needed it most.


friday fav f word

friday sexy



wrap friday

friday pig



Have a fantastic weekend everyone!!!  Keep going where the love is xoxoxo!

Fake Me Is Gone



Finally after 2 days, Facebook has removed the fake profile of me. I’m very relieved and glad. It was a bad experience that I hope never to repeat.

This is what they said:
“Thanks for bringing this profile to our attention. We’ve removed it from Facebook. We’re sorry this happened to you, and we’re working to make sure that everyone follows the Facebook Community Standards.”

I’m also glad I didn’t contact P to tell him because it wouldn’t have accomplished anything. He is the past and that’s where he needs to remain.

Thank you so much for all your words of support and for sharing my outrage n frustration. I know in the grand scheme of things it means very little but it is extremely unsettling n upsetting to have your identity stolen. Especially when you can actually view it up close on social media.

I still don’t know who was responsible or why and I probably never will. My husband is keeping an eye on our credit report just in case.

It’s been a rough week. A dear family friend who is also the Mom of one of my best friends had a sudden stroke and passed away a few days ago.  She beat breast cancer 2 years ago and was actually on a cruise with her other daughter and family.  A very lovely, thoughtful woman who used to call me on my birthday after my Mom died. Tomorrow’s the wake and Friday the funeral. Her husband of 45 years is afraid of boats, so he stayed home with my friend and her family.

I spent a few hours with them all on Monday then took my friend’s kids out for a bit so she could have some time to herself. The little one is 3 1/2 n did not want to put her shoes n socks on, yelling n trying to get away. Then I told her we were going to look at puppies n damn if she didn’t help us put them on her feet, smiling n giggling the whole time lol!! I figured it’s impossible to stay sad around puppies right? They had fun n so did I.

Mad Crazy Monday


I was notified by Facebook this afternoon  that there was a profile that was very similar to mine. They asked if it was fake and so I looked at the profile. I was shocked!  It’s my name (minus the middle initial that I use for my maiden name) with MY FRIGGIN PHOTO!!!  The background photo is this very pretty shot of me in sunglasses LOL.  So someone made a fake profile using MY NAME and 2 PHOTOS OF ME!!!! I guess it’s a guy because it says that I can friend HIM to see what he shares with HIS friends.

I am soooo creeped out right now, I can’t even say.  My instagram was hacked about a month ago and while strange, I didn’t feel violated or too upset. This is completely different. Someone is pretending to BE ME!!!  When did I become a Kardashian!?!?!?! Who  the heck would want to impersonate me?? Luckily the account was only created 14 hours ago but now I have to wait for Facebook to check it out and see if the account violates any terms of service.  Um, I would think impersonating someone else using their name and photos violates, wouldn’t you??? LOL

Of course, 2 of my friends right away thought it had something to do with P. But honestly, he would have no reason to do something like that. I’m just pissed off n baffled. I’m going to go meditate lol. 




Breaking Trauma Bonds

How to emotionally break free from an unhealthy abusive relationship?

When one is truly facing reality that a relationship is abusive and not merely trying to figure out how to get the abuser back, the action plan in this book can help to guide you through breaking “trauma bonds” which link you to your abuser.

Below is an excerpt from the book that discusses trauma bonds.

The Case for Traumatic Bonding: The Betrayal Bond

by Dr. Patrick Carnes

About Trauma Bonding:

These people are all struggling with traumatic bonds. Those standing outside see the obvious. All these relationships are about some insane loyalty or attachment. They share exploitation, fear, and danger. They also have elements of kindness, nobility and righteousness. These are all people who stay involved or wish to stay involved with people who betray them. Emotional pain, severe consequences and even the prospect of death do not stop their caring or commitment. Clinicians call this “traumatic bonding.” This means that the victims have a certain dysfunctional attachment that occurs in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation. There often is seduction, deception or betrayal. There is always some form of danger or risk.

Some relationships are traumatic. Take, for example, the conflictual ties in movies like The War of the Roses or Fatal Attraction. What Lucy does to Charlie Brown (in the comic strip, Peanuts) every year when she holds the football for him to kick is a betrayal we have grown to expect. Abuse cycles such as those found in domestic violence are built around trauma bonds. So are the misplaced loyalties found in exploitive cults, incest families, or hostage and kidnapping situations. Codependents who live with alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, or sex addicts, and who will not leave no matter what their partners do, may have suffered enough to have a traumatic bond.

Here are the signs that trauma bonds exist in your life:

When you obsess about people who have hurt you though they are long gone from your life (To obsess means to be preoccupied, fantasize about, and wonder about something/someone even though you do not want to.)

When you continue to seek contact with people whom you know will cause you further pain.

When you go “overboard” to help people who have been destructive to you.

When you continue to be a “team” member when obviously things are becoming destructive.

When you continue attempts to get people who are clearly using you to like you.

When you again and again trust people who have proved to be unreliable.

When you are unable to distance yourself from unhealthy relationships.

When you want to be understood by those who clearly do not care.

When you choose to stay in conflict with others when it would cost you nothing to walk away.

When you persist in trying to convince people that there is a problem and they are not willing to listen.

When you are loyal to people who have betrayed you.

When you are attached to untrustworthy people.

When you keep damaging secrets about exploitation or abuse.

When you continue contact with an abuser who acknowledges no responsibility.

About co-dependency:

“Parallels do exist between trauma bonding and codependency because to live with an active addict is often traumatic. For the most part, the addiction field has not incorporated all the trauma research that documents how people grow closer to their abusers in the face of trauma. Yet it is clear that many codependents are also trauma-bonded. The converse is also true. The trauma field has not really addressed issues surrounding addiction, let alone codependency. Yet addiction in its many forms is one of the principal solutions used by survivors to cope with their lives. And most trauma-bonded persons, whether as children or adults, are involved with an abuser who has one or more addictions.”

About shame:

An injury to one’s sense of self forges some bonds. The self-injury becomes part of the fabric of the relationship and further disrupts the natural unfolding of the self. When this involves terror of any sort, an emptiness forms at the core of the person and the self becomes inconsolable. No addiction can fill in. No denial of self will restore it. No single gesture will be believable. Only a profound sense of the human community caring for the self can seal up this hole. We call this wound shame.


I hope that this information is as helpful to you as it has been to me.

Breaking a trauma bond is not “just getting over someone”. It takes work and unfortunately, it is the victim that must do all the work. “Trauma bonds can be disrupted when healthy bonds are available.”

“Finding supportive, healthy relationships is the foundation of recovery.”

Let’s Toast to Friday!


some people dream world

This week flew by in a haze of hormones and work was insanely busy and more stressful than usual.  Was it a great week? No, but it wasn’t a bad one either. I did manage to lose 3 1/2 lbs, which is fantastic considering the hormones make me really hungry lol. Down 6 lbs total as of week 2. I definitely have to kick it into high gear this week and get moving.

Through it all, who calls just to say he loves me or make me laugh when I’m sad?  Who is always there for me with love and support? My husband. He has never given up on me or on us, even when I was ready to. I had forgotten just how wonderful a man and a person he is and how much I enjoy being with him. Somewhere along the way we lost that part of our relationship and I am so happy to be rediscovering it. I still don’t know what will happen but it’s looking pretty good. I am having Friday pizza with my family tonight and then tomorrow a date night with my H after I pick my brother and his family up from the airport. They took the kids to Disneyworld for the first time and I cannot wait to hear all about it! I am definitely going where the love is and hopefully there will be some great sex too lol! Fingers crossed. Enjoy your weekend everyone 😉

Blogging & Friendships




I really hope I don’t upset or alienate anyone by writing down my thoughts. I have always been completely honest and upfront about difficult topics that most don’t like to discuss. There are so many amazingly supportive, kind, loving and special people that I consider true friends and this is NOT about them. But I think I’m beginning to get a little cynical about a few blogging friendships. Some people just disappear and go ghost on you and/or their blog, some do weird, uncomfortable things that eventually make you realize why they have no friends in real life lol and unfortunately for me, some (a few guys in the past that thankfully no longer blog) create relationships with you in their mind that aren’t real and have no basis in fact. And some just don’t really seem to care all that much I guess.

I think it definitely has to do with feelings of rejection. It took me a long time to get over P and let go of all of that. I guess no one likes rejection. Maybe if I had more experience with it, it would be easier for me? I don’t really know. But I will say that it really sucks to feel abandoned, unchosen, not good enough, etc. Even though it had very little to do with me and more to do with the situation, it still stung like a bitch! Lol So when people go ghost on blogs, it used to really upset me if I really liked them.

I’ve had a few posts dedicated to me, one sex dream posted and reposted (yeah, thanks buddy lol) about me, a poem for me, and a few apology posts written to me as well. I honestly don’t know whether it’s sad or funny because it’s happened 4 times now. If you have ever read my blog, you know that I have no problems discussing practically anything publicly.  But when I am hurt, pissed off or upset, especially with a fellow blogger that I consider a friend, that’s a private thing that I don’t always feel like sharing with 650 followers. Especially not until I have calmed down. I have the unique ability to shred someone into pieces with my words. It served me well in my youth and in debates. But now? I’m more mature and I know words can hurt someone as deeply as any physical wound. I’d rather not inflict pain on anyone, even if they have hurt me first. I like to think I’m getting in touch with my inner Dalai Lama and working on personal growth.

I guess it’s like any new endeavor. You learn as you go. You make mistakes but eventually you figure out what and who matters and what doesn’t.  

I apologize if this post is a little jumbled and all over the map but I think that’s because my head is a little jumbled and all over the map today lol.

More Tuesday Truths

I started crying for absolutely no reason today at work. Thankfully I was alone and it was only for a minute. But damn those friggin hormones! LOL  I’m much better now, but not my usual happy-go-lucky self. And you know what? I think that’s okay. If not for the blah days, we would never appreciate all the truly kick-ass special days in the future.  The best cure for the blahs? Laughter!!  So I am going to see my Pop (I’m the only one that calls him that instead of Dad lol) because it is impossible to be around him and NOT laugh. Not to mention it’s comical watching the big guy roll around on the scooter with one leg 🙂



whenever you're sad

however sad

be thankful for every heart





Kermit been thru lot


it's funny


Monday again?

I know we can’t be gloriously happy all the time but today I just really wanted to stay in bed! Honestly, I am just not a fan of Mondays lol. I hope everyone had a great weekend! I’ll be back when Monday is over 🙂

Monday Keep Smiling


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The Miracle Of Letting Go: Here’s Exactly What It’s Like To Embrace The Japanese Art Of Tidying

“Clutter has only two possible causes: too much effort is required to put things away or it is unclear where things belong.”

Source: The Miracle Of Letting Go: Here’s Exactly What It’s Like To Embrace The Japanese Art Of Tidying

My Mom was a total neat-freak. We all used to make fun of her, but the older I get the more I wish I was like this.  She was tidy, organized and as an artist she had this way of making everything so beautiful. And made it seem so effortless. Unfortunately that Martha Stewart gene seems have skipped a generation lol. I basically copy ideas from magazines and photos. I even made the rookie mistake of allowing my H to contribute his ideas n ended up with a brown leather couch n love seat which are not my favourite. But you live and learn right? Lol

Heal from Heartbreak & Fear of Abandonment


This is an AMAZING article that I really wish had been written when I was healing from my own heartbreak and dealing with abandonment issues. As someone who had never experienced abandonment before, I had no idea how traumatic it is and how incredibly painful!  It took so much longer than I could have ever imagined and I suffered horrible withdrawals. Thankfully those days are behind me (except for a drunk dial I committed 2 weeks ago, we have had no contact.)  My husband and I are getting closer every day and I am happier and more content than I have been in years.

How To Heal From Heartbreak & Conquer Your Fear Of Abandonment

by Tazeen Mohsin Imran

“How could he just disappear like that? He promised to marry me,” my client said, as she wiped her tears. Most of us are familiar with betrayal. Partners, friends, and even family members can make a commitment and then disappear.

I had a very close, longtime friend, and eventually our relationship extended into work. I became part of her business team. She constantly made commitments and broke them on a whim. I often ignored it, justifying that maybe she was keeping the bigger picture in mind.

One day, our work relationship ended, with no warning on my end. I confronted her about the broken commitments. She insisted it was all in my head and continued to assure me that she would be there as a friend, no matter what. And then she stopped responding.

When people with whom we share a deep bond with disappear, the immediate reaction is confusion and doubt. We start questioning where we went wrong and whether we should continue to pursue the relationship. Left unexplored, these thoughts can fester into anger, depression, and resentment in the long run.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are the strategies I’ve learned to employ when someone I care about pulls a disappearing act.

1. Don’t take it personally.

While relating this story to another friend, she laughed and said, “You, too?” That got me out of my head, reminding me this happens to everyone. Rejection hurts, but it often has nothing to do with our how worthy of love we are. People’s behavior is a reflection of their own beliefs, values, feelings, and thought patterns. When we personalize their behavior, we start to spiral into self-blame and unworthiness. Viewing it as a choice made independently of your behavior or nature allows you to address it from an objective perspective.

2. Avoid the impulse to start thinking of them as “other.”

It’s very natural to want to develop a sense of otherness from people in your life. It’s differentiating them from you. But when we actively separate ourselves from people as a response to pain they’ve caused, we sacrifice our empathy for them. We can no longer relate to them.

On the other hand, identifying similarities between ourselves and others, we reconnect to our shared humanity. The Buddhist Loving-Kindness Meditationinvolves sending goodwill to ourselves and all those who have hurt us. As I began to practice this, saying “just like me, you want love,” I found a space where I could identify with and feel compassion for both myself and my friend.

3. Take responsibility.

Brené Brown said, “Love and belonging are irreducible needs of all men, women, and children. We’re hardwired for connection — it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” This very need is often ignored when we blame others and shrug off our own culpability.

Deep down, we just want love, and we get so afraid of losing that person that we ignore the reality of the situation. By owning what we did or did not do, we share the responsibility of creating that reality. This empowers us to make better choices in the future rather than just being a victim of someone else’s choices……

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Take Your Life Back

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The Power To Start A New Chapter –


I love this quote because it’s exactly what I’ve just finished doing. Intellectually I always knew I had the power to turn the page. But my heart, my hope and my dreams kept me stuck for such a long time.  I tried everything to let go but mostly it took time to heal. Time and being patient with myself.

It seems so amazingly simple when I read it here. But when you are hanging onto something that once made you happier than you had ever known?  It was one of the most difficult things for my heart to do. To just turn the freaking page!! LOL

I think it’s when we forget how much strength and courage we each possess, that we give away our power. It happens so subtly, we usually don’t even realize it has happened until afterwards.

All you can do is pick yourself up and realize something even better awaits you. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s the truth. Just remember to be grateful for all the good things in your life and go where the love is!! ♡♡♡♡

“Life is short. Stop worrying so much. Have fun. Be grateful. Be yourself. Don’t allow others to bring you down. Life is a one time offer. Live to your fullest.” ~ Karen Salmansohn ~

This is one of the best recipes for a wonderful life!!!

“Life is short. Stop worrying so much. Have fun. Be grateful. Be yourself. Don’t allow others to bring you down. Life is a one time offer. Live to your fullest.”
~ Karen Salmansohn ~