I really hope I don’t upset or alienate anyone by writing down my thoughts. I have always been completely honest and upfront about difficult topics that most don’t like to discuss. There are so many amazingly supportive, kind, loving and special people that I consider true friends and this is NOT about them. But I think I’m beginning to get a little cynical about a few blogging friendships. Some people just disappear and go ghost on you and/or their blog, some do weird, uncomfortable things that eventually make you realize why they have no friends in real life lol and unfortunately for me, some (a few guys in the past that thankfully no longer blog) create relationships with you in their mind that aren’t real and have no basis in fact. And some just don’t really seem to care all that much I guess.
I think it definitely has to do with feelings of rejection. It took me a long time to get over P and let go of all of that. I guess no one likes rejection. Maybe if I had more experience with it, it would be easier for me? I don’t really know. But I will say that it really sucks to feel abandoned, unchosen, not good enough, etc. Even though it had very little to do with me and more to do with the situation, it still stung like a bitch! Lol So when people go ghost on blogs, it used to really upset me if I really liked them.
I’ve had a few posts dedicated to me, one sex dream posted and reposted (yeah, thanks buddy lol) about me, a poem for me, and a few apology posts written to me as well. I honestly don’t know whether it’s sad or funny because it’s happened 4 times now. If you have ever read my blog, you know that I have no problems discussing practically anything publicly. But when I am hurt, pissed off or upset, especially with a fellow blogger that I consider a friend, that’s a private thing that I don’t always feel like sharing with 650 followers. Especially not until I have calmed down. I have the unique ability to shred someone into pieces with my words. It served me well in my youth and in debates. But now? I’m more mature and I know words can hurt someone as deeply as any physical wound. I’d rather not inflict pain on anyone, even if they have hurt me first. I like to think I’m getting in touch with my inner Dalai Lama and working on personal growth.
I guess it’s like any new endeavor. You learn as you go. You make mistakes but eventually you figure out what and who matters and what doesn’t.
I apologize if this post is a little jumbled and all over the map but I think that’s because my head is a little jumbled and all over the map today lol.