I am 39 years old and married. After living in a sexless marriage for years, I had an affair for almost 2 years.  Like most affairs do, it ended painfully after he decided to stay. My husband and I are working to rebuild our marriage. My husband had a 4 month affair 7 years ago with a coworker. We went to counseling but he stopped wanting sex and refused to see a doctor.  He has recently gone to the doctor. We thought he had low testosterone but its on the low side of normal. But he does have a severe vitamin B deficiency and things are starting to improve, slowly.

H knows everything and has never left me.  He seems to really want to fix our relationship and I have hope for the first time in years.

I can honestly say I never ever wanted or expected to be either a betrayed spouse or the other woman.  But I have been both and now wish I had been neither.  I told my husband I needed sex and that I would cheat if things didn’t change.  Obviously they didn’t and so I did.

That doesn’t excuse or condone cheating.  Affairs only seem like a good idea when you are knee deep in one. But this is my story and I will not apologize to anyone except my H for pain I have caused.

75 thoughts on “About

    • emmagc75 says:

      I’m definitely honest LOL! I was riveted to your blog because of your honesty and your writing. Unfortunately I have been both a betrayed spouse and the ow. Still here and still working on the sex but I’m hopeful and happy. Going Where the Love is in 2016! Hugs to u.

      Liked by 1 person

      • savingshards says:

        I read your story, and am so glad we have connected. It is so important to me to understand all sides of this painful situation, and your voice is really important. Thank you, again, for sharing. Can’t wait to see how this year unfolds for all of us!

        Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:

          Yes me too! I know it’s probably hard to imagine not all ow are bunnyboiling psycho whore homewreckers. In my case with my ex’s family, a lot has changed in year since we broke up. I went from evil mistress to his Mom, Dad n sister actually telling him to leave his abusive narcissist wife n call me if I separate from my H! Crazy right? But I have not seen him since we broke up a year ago and we are both still working on our marriages. 2016 is going to be a much better year for us all I hope! Hugs n healing to you!

          Liked by 1 person

  1. amommasview says:

    This is probably the most honest and direct introduction I’ve read so far… I hope it will all improve for you and your husband. It seems like the two of you really want to make it work despite of what has happened so far. I keep my fingers crossed for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. DotedOn says:

    🙂 I so understand you!
    Of course you don’t need to apologize to anyone. You did what you needed to do at the time. I’m sorry if someone judged you, next time, lend them your shoes. It’s not easy to be in a sexless relationship 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

          • DotedOn says:

            Leaving is one of the few decisions I don’t regret 🙂 And if there is something I do regret is that I didn’t leave earlier 🙂
            Sex without love is empty. Love without sex… it’s empty too.
            I didn’t understand how important sex was until I didn’t have it anymore. 🙂
            I never thought about going to sex therapy because there was not much love left and for sure, there was no respect. It’s all connected. We deserve someone who loves and desires every bit of us. If sex is not there, we can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with us. At least, that’s what happened to me. I felt unattractive, ugly and insecure.
            Hugs ❤

            Liked by 1 person

            • emmagc75 says:

              It’s extremely important and yes I agree it’s all connected. I definitely felt ugly and unattractive, that’s normal. But it has little to do with me and a lot to do with him. He is depressed and definitely needs some meds n therapy. Hopefully it will help. But if not, I know I really tried. Hugs to u xo.

              Liked by 1 person

  3. Itsmine says:

    U honestly shared those things,that is everything..gr8 ! 🙂
    To do the things secretly ,by lying to UR partner,without even discussing UR problems with UR partner is considered as cheating/betraying …but U already told him so its not cheating according to me ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim says:

    Here’s one for you.
    3 Days, 3 Quotes Challenge
    1. Thank the person who nominated you.
    2. Post a quote a day for 3 days.
    3. Each day, nominate 3 new bloggers to take part in the challenge.

    No obligation to you and absolutely no pressure. It’s all good if you want to take a pass but it would be interesting (to me at least) to see what you posted if you chose to partake. Here’s my post for today: https://mnghostt.wordpress.com/2015/06/23/3-days-3-quotes-challenge/


  5. mywarpedhappyending says:

    Hi there:) Just wanted to thank you for following my blog. I haven’t posted in a while, but I feel like it’s time for an update. I am at a place where I could be saying good bye to my AP and I look forward to reading through your experiences.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. globalunison says:

    Thank you for following my blog. I greatly appreciate it. Also, you are very brave for such an honest and blunt introduction. I hope everything is coming along good with you and your H!

    Kinda regards,

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Blue290 says:

    I call this “Roommate Mode”. It’s deadly. It’s sad to have a living being sleeping less than 3 feet away from you and you do not touch each other. I totally get this and what you are dealing with. Thank you for being brave and sharing. I hope your blogging gives you relief like it does for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. shatteredheartnsoul says:

    Hi, just wanted to stop by and say thanks for following my blog. I hope it can help somehow. I’ve only just read this page so far, but I can see that your stories a lttle messy too I hope to catch up soon, I hope you and your H are doing better these days.

    Liked by 1 person

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