I am 39 years old and married. After living in a sexless marriage for years, I had an affair for almost 2 years. Like most affairs do, it ended painfully after he decided to stay. My husband and I are working to rebuild our marriage. My husband had a 4 month affair 7 years ago with a coworker. We went to counseling but he stopped wanting sex and refused to see a doctor. He has recently gone to the doctor. We thought he had low testosterone but its on the low side of normal. But he does have a severe vitamin B deficiency and things are starting to improve, slowly.
H knows everything and has never left me. He seems to really want to fix our relationship and I have hope for the first time in years.
I can honestly say I never ever wanted or expected to be either a betrayed spouse or the other woman. But I have been both and now wish I had been neither. I told my husband I needed sex and that I would cheat if things didn’t change. Obviously they didn’t and so I did.
That doesn’t excuse or condone cheating. Affairs only seem like a good idea when you are knee deep in one. But this is my story and I will not apologize to anyone except my H for pain I have caused.
Beautiful. You do not need to apologise to anybody else. You never seemed to be a hypocrite and that trounces anything else!
God bless you,
Me
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Thanks! Definitely not a hypocrite lol. Strong, opinionated and a pain in the ass? Yes but not a hypocrite 🙂
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Glad to have found you. And glad you are honest and transparent. I can’t wait to read your whole blog, and I hope you and H have found some mutual healing. And sex.
Best to you in 2016, and HUGS.
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I’m definitely honest LOL! I was riveted to your blog because of your honesty and your writing. Unfortunately I have been both a betrayed spouse and the ow. Still here and still working on the sex but I’m hopeful and happy. Going Where the Love is in 2016! Hugs to u.
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I read your story, and am so glad we have connected. It is so important to me to understand all sides of this painful situation, and your voice is really important. Thank you, again, for sharing. Can’t wait to see how this year unfolds for all of us!
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Yes me too! I know it’s probably hard to imagine not all ow are bunnyboiling psycho whore homewreckers. In my case with my ex’s family, a lot has changed in year since we broke up. I went from evil mistress to his Mom, Dad n sister actually telling him to leave his abusive narcissist wife n call me if I separate from my H! Crazy right? But I have not seen him since we broke up a year ago and we are both still working on our marriages. 2016 is going to be a much better year for us all I hope! Hugs n healing to you!
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HI! I just wanted to thank you for following me at ‘Stop & Focus’, I really, really appreciate it! Thanks again! 🙂
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Sure! Thanks back 🙂
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This is probably the most honest and direct introduction I’ve read so far… I hope it will all improve for you and your husband. It seems like the two of you really want to make it work despite of what has happened so far. I keep my fingers crossed for you!
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Thank you! It’s been difficult but not giving up yet. Hugs xo!
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🙂 I so understand you!
Of course you don’t need to apologize to anyone. You did what you needed to do at the time. I’m sorry if someone judged you, next time, lend them your shoes. It’s not easy to be in a sexless relationship 🙂
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Thank u. No it’s torture having love and affection but no sex. I will never have another affair but I don’t regret loving P.
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I didn’t have any, I guess that’s why I had the guts to leave 🙂
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That’s why I was naive enough to think an affair would solve my problem. Now 2 years later? I learned I can’t have amazing sex without love. So ur glad u left?
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Leaving is one of the few decisions I don’t regret 🙂 And if there is something I do regret is that I didn’t leave earlier 🙂
Sex without love is empty. Love without sex… it’s empty too.
I didn’t understand how important sex was until I didn’t have it anymore. 🙂
I never thought about going to sex therapy because there was not much love left and for sure, there was no respect. It’s all connected. We deserve someone who loves and desires every bit of us. If sex is not there, we can’t help but wonder what’s wrong with us. At least, that’s what happened to me. I felt unattractive, ugly and insecure.
Hugs ❤
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It’s extremely important and yes I agree it’s all connected. I definitely felt ugly and unattractive, that’s normal. But it has little to do with me and a lot to do with him. He is depressed and definitely needs some meds n therapy. Hopefully it will help. But if not, I know I really tried. Hugs to u xo.
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🙂 That’s really important, you know how much you try or tried 🙂 (So if you need to move on, you won’t be looking back <3)
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I think knowing that helps, no matter what happens. P did us both a favor. If I leave, I will be sad but I will do it with a clear conscience and loving heart.
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LOL thanks Ev!!!!! Love u xoxo
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Dear Emma,
Thank you so for your enthusiastic support. Sending positive vibes your way.
Roberta
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Thanks! I learned a lot from ur articles. I hope others do too.
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I have nominated you for the Sunshine Award. If interested click this link and have a go at it. https://tessacandoit.wordpress.com/2015/07/20/the-sunshine-award/
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Thank u Tessa! I have 3 to do n now that I’m feeling better I definitely will. Hugs to u sweetie xo
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You are welcome and have fun.
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U honestly shared those things,that is everything..gr8 ! 🙂
To do the things secretly ,by lying to UR partner,without even discussing UR problems with UR partner is considered as cheating/betraying …but U already told him so its not cheating according to me ! 🙂
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Yes I most certainly did! Many many times. That’s why I feel so little guilt about it. Just wouldn’t do it again. Hurt way too much. The man I had affair with was in same boat. They haven’t had sex in 3 years! But she’s a frigid narcissist Lol
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Ya ! & he also did ‘that’..so no need to feel guilty.. ! 🙂
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Yes he did and I wasn’t denying him sex then either lol.
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Now I read the comments and I gotta know. Are u a man or woman? Lol
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XD XD what do U think ?
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I honestly don’t know lol.
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THE man … 😉 XD XD 🙂
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The man! Lol Got it 🙂
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😛 😀
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Here’s one for you.
3 Days, 3 Quotes Challenge
1. Thank the person who nominated you.
2. Post a quote a day for 3 days.
3. Each day, nominate 3 new bloggers to take part in the challenge.
No obligation to you and absolutely no pressure. It’s all good if you want to take a pass but it would be interesting (to me at least) to see what you posted if you chose to partake. Here’s my post for today: https://mnghostt.wordpress.com/2015/06/23/3-days-3-quotes-challenge/
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I accept
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cool 😉
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😉
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Thank you. I’m a bit shocked at the attention and I appreciate the support. xo
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I have nominated you for the love/hate challenge https://tessacandoit.wordpress.com/2015/06/20/of-lists-of-love-and-hate-challenge/
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Thank you Tess! Im honored xo
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Hi thank you for following my blog. I can’t wait to read more about you. I hope you find something to your liking in my “no judgment] zone!
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Just the name of ur blog alone made me laugh! Have a great day.
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That makes me smile.
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I hope it works out for you. I have been married for 44 yes now and we are more in love every day.
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That’s wonderful! Congrats. My parents were married 42 years and felt the same way. Any tips? Lol
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Communication is eventuality the best practice.
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Learning communication is vital to a good marriage. Thnx
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Sorry for what you’ve both been through. Glad to read that things are getting better. Thanks so much for following the craziness that is my blog.
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Thank you. It’s making me laugh! I really like it 🙂
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That makes me smile. Thank you!
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No thank u lol!
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Group hug? LOL
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LMAO! Sure
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But does everyone have their Arid extra dry on?
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Nope I wear sweat n waterproof clinical strength secret actually. I smell fresh as a daisy lol
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Aha! At first I thought you were going to say you wear sweat. 😉
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Um yeah rhat would be gross lol
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I can’t disagree ha!
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you inspire me…..:-)
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Wow! Thnx. That compliment is right up there with an ex telling me my smile lights up a room and it’s like my Mom’s! Now she was an inspiration! 🙂
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Wow–warts and all! I celebrate your honesty, and am rooting for you.
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Lol I just re-read that and yes wow it’s kind of blunt and honest. But that’s me, so thanks!
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Hi there:) Just wanted to thank you for following my blog. I haven’t posted in a while, but I feel like it’s time for an update. I am at a place where I could be saying good bye to my AP and I look forward to reading through your experiences.
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So you just got married last year? I look forward to reading your blog.
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Thank you for following my blog. I greatly appreciate it. Also, you are very brave for such an honest and blunt introduction. I hope everything is coming along good with you and your H!
Kinda regards,
-Naima
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Thank you. That’s me in a nutshell. Blunt and honest 🙂
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Just saying hi and thanks for following my blog
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I call this “Roommate Mode”. It’s deadly. It’s sad to have a living being sleeping less than 3 feet away from you and you do not touch each other. I totally get this and what you are dealing with. Thank you for being brave and sharing. I hope your blogging gives you relief like it does for me.
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Thanks, it’s slowly improving.
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Hi, just wanted to stop by and say thanks for following my blog. I hope it can help somehow. I’ve only just read this page so far, but I can see that your stories a lttle messy too I hope to catch up soon, I hope you and your H are doing better these days.
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