I have been thinking about this for a few days. I cannot even imagine living my life afraid. Afraid that I will make a mistake or do the wrong thing. What kind of people spend their life making their children so afraid? So afraid of making a mistake that they stay miserable and unhappy?
For me that would be like being trapped in a prison of my own creation.
Depression is no day at the beach, believe me LOL. But I will take it any day of the week over fear and anxiety. Yes, Depression at its worst almost killed me. Thankfully, the right combination of meds has allowed me to live my life. It’s not always perfect or easy, but the dark times are a lot less frequent and not as dark. Knowing that there’s an end to the pain and that I will be happy again has been a tremendous gift.
I think we both believed if our love was perfect, it would cure his fear. I don’t think that was fair to either one of us. His fear was created in his childhood and no amount of love, no matter how special, was going to cure that.
The further I get from the pain and sadness of the breakup, the more I see it had very little at all to do with me.
I really hope one day he finds peace and stops living with constant fear. At least I have found peace and that’s enough for now.