Failure Is A Part Of A Great Life — Positive Outlooks Blog

Give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up! Everyone makes mistakes, has setbacks and failures. You don’t come with a book on how to get it right all the time. You will fail sometimes, not because you planned to, but simply because you’re human. Failure is a part of creating a great life. — Les […]

via Failure Is A Part Of A Great Life — Positive Outlooks Blog

This is something I struggle with at times.  I don’t beat myself up, but I don’t like to fail.  I’m trying to accept that everyone will fail sometimes.  It helps us grow and evolve as people.  That isn’t such a bad thing 🙂

Finding Happiness

sunshine soul

happiness not postponed

I’ve been thinking about Happiness. That’s how I know I’m feeling much better. When I can be my usually positive, happy-go-lucky self. It always surprises people when they find out I have clinical depression.  They say but you’re always laughing and smiling. And to that I say thank God for modern medicine and antidepressants!  I had always been pretty darn happy until I got sick. And I have learned to not focus on the fact that I have a chronic illness and just be so grateful that medicine exists to help.  Funny how it’s so much easier to focus on the positive when you’re NOT depressed or bawling your eyes out for absolutely no reason LOL.

I don’t think you can find happiness by chasing it. I think it comes naturally when you learn to enjoy your life and when you’re able to be grateful for all the little things that we usually take for granted. And laughing helps tremendously!  Try to surround yourself with people you enjoy and that make you laugh.

This is a great post by rosieeek over at http://hookupcultures.com/author/rosieeek/

Finding Happiness After Losing It

Sometimes, we just get lost. One incident can send you into a downward spiral, a hole you just can’t climb out of.

It can be caused by the death of someone close. Or the death of a stranger. It can be caused by a change of pace, something differing in your life. Bad grades. Bad friends. A broken heart.

And you never really anticipated just how much it would hurt and just how much it would impact your life. You thought you were strong and even if you didn’t, you thought you could at least get through some things on your own. 

To read the rest of the article go to Finding Happiness After Losing It

Can It Really Be Over?

summer-3

Of course, I am talking about SUMMER! Heehee

This summer has definitely gone much faster for me than the last few summers. I actually had a really good summer.  We didn’t do as much as we usually do (like Mets/Yankees games and concerts) but I still had a great time.  Went to the beach club a bunch of times and spent a lot of time with friends and family.  That always makes me the happiest.

Last week I took my nieces and nephew to Chuck e Cheese. They had such a ball, especially my 3 year-old niece who spent almost all her coins on the merry-go round. She just kept saying giddyup and again, again! She must’ve gone on at least 30 times lol. There was 3 horses so the other kids kept getting free rides. My H had me laughing saying she was like a little baller in a strip club raining down dollar bills.

I think that’s what is most important in life. Letting the people that matter most to you know how special they are.  Why wait?  Life is usually a lot shorter than we ever expect it to be.

If You Care aka Ten Steps Forward and One Step Back

If You Care About Someone, Remember It Every Day

This is so serious. If you care about someone, really care about them, remember it every day. Remember it on bad days especially. Remember it in fights. Remember it when you’re happy. Appreciate it. Love it. Be it. Live it. Feel it. Because you have no idea when it will be gone. There are only so many chances. And if you do forget and you do something stupid. You’d better fight for it. Fight as hard as you can. As hard as you can doesn’t mean until it is a detriment to you, but until you’re sure it won’t be. True love will always be true love and if you lose it, you’re going to regret it. 

~Brigitte Nicole

Okay, so I cried a little last night. I think I was mourning the loss of a dream that will never ever be.  Although my head has known this for months and I think I have fully accepted this reality, I now realize my heart still held a glimmer of hope.  It really was the most beautiful dream.  A dream full of love, joy, happiness, understanding, acceptance and obviously lots of yummy sex lol.  But it was not meant to be, not with P.

Love is everything. But love is also about the choices we make. I fought for us and he thinks he did too but he didn’t, that’s total crap. And that’s okay. I loved with my whole heart and soul, maybe for the first time ever. I think that’s why I’m getting better and he’s getting worse. I have no regrets for following my heart.   The only thing I regret is the hurt it caused my husband.

After speaking to P, I have forgiven him. I just do not have the luxury of forgetting all the pain and heartbreak I went through because of HIS choice to change his mind and remain alone and unloved.  I understand he thought he was doing what was best for his kids and I respect his decision. But he said he is also enjoying knowing he did everything she asked and nothing has changed.  I told him he is a Martyr.  A man who sacrificed true love to keep his dysfunctional family together.  I couldn’t refrain from telling him he needs to get a big wooden cross and when he feels unloved and unappreciated, he can get up and nail himself to it!!

I most likely wouldn’t survive another go round with him and that’s the truth. I am generally not a self-destructive person. Then there is P and a good friend of mine. They do the same thing over and over again and honestly expect different results!! That is insanity, and I am not insane.

The best thing I can do for EVERYONE (especially myself), the ONLY option that won’t lead to more heartache is to NOT initiate any contact (via any means including but not limited to talking, texting, messaging, emailing, facebook, skywriting, carrier pigeon, pony express, and to ignore him if he initiates.

I think it’s good that he has been going to counseling every week (usually by himself, but hey not my business right?) What struck me was the fact that he has spent far more time changing his outside.  He has lost 35 lbs. as well as learned how to cook, do laundry and basically become a FANTASTIC 45 year old houseboy LOL.  I only wish he was working as diligently on his inside.  I mean his anxiety, non-existent self-esteem, his complete lack of independence and figuring out why he repeatedly chooses a frigid narcissist who has admitted she doesn’t do affection, doesn’t want sex and thinks of him as a friend.

I am ready to put all of this in the past and focus on my future.  I have to find a sex therapist for us to go to.  For someone with a pretty high sex drive, I seriously NEVER thought I would ever be saying that.  But I love my husband very much and I know he loves me.  He can drive me nuts and I know I am a huge pain in the ass sometimes.  We are not perfect, nor should we be. He has always chosen me, no matter what. He picks me up when I fall and he has the biggest heart and the best sense of humor.  We both owe it to one another to see if we can meet somewhere in the middle.  And we will do it without anyone waiting in the wings or in my heart.

It will be a different dream, but hopefully one just as wonderful.  Actually it will be better because it will be REAL 🙂

Promise You Will Forget The Hurt

I love the idea that one day we will forget the hurt, the pain, the sadness and even those that caused it.

I cannot wait for my heart to be completely healed. I have made a lot of progress the past few months. I have not contacted P and he has not contacted me. I can only hope that continues as we have said all we needed to say.

I am so grateful for all the love, kindness and support I have found in our little blogosphere. I truly don’t think I could have gotten to such a good place without all of you who read my words and see my heart.

I know today is a good day and I also realize each day is different. Tomorrow may be a shitstorm lol. Who knows? But I do believe after everything I have been through in my life, the best is yet to come.

Positive Outlooks Blog

Someday, we’ll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again.  — Unknown

Man walking at sunset

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