For a while now, I have been drafting a final goodbye letter to Putz. Saying all the beautiful loving things I had left to say. I intended to email it December 31st. Today I realized that I had completely forgotten about it!! Not only do I no longer care enough to send it, what the heck would be the point? What’s done is done. Nothing can change what’s happened and I believe there’s a reason for almost everything.
I actually unblocked him last week and we texted a little. Nothing much at all and I feel so much freer not hating him and missing him. He texted me to say Have a Happy New Year and be safe a few nights ago. I haven’t responded and I won’t. I don’t hate him but come on now! We’re not bffs lol. We will both simply work on our marriages and move on with our lives now. It’s way past time.
He’s still really trying to save his ridiculously dysfunctional “family” as well as his crappy marriage to a narcissist. He says she’s being nice and really trying too. I wish him lots of luck with that, cause boy he’s gonna need it lol. I respect him for trying and hope he finds real love n happiness someday. But if not, that’s entirely his choice and only his life he’s wasted alone and unloved.
My H has just made an appointment with a psychiatrist. He comes from a tough Italian/German family where even if you got shot, you would definitely be told to “walk it off”! So to even think of going to a shrink was unfathomable to him. But he said he knows I am pulling away and he doesn’t want to lose me. And he is actively trying to rebuild intimacy and spend time together. It’s been really nice to see the man I fell in love with starting to re-emerge. It’s been a long time. I’m cautiously optimistic so I guess we’ll see.
Whatever happens, mentally I’m in a really good place and I’m happy. Thankfully 2015 is over. 2016 will be a time of change, growth and hopefully love and lots of great sex!
Wishing you all a wonderful New Year full of love, joy, laughter and yes sex 🙂