I’m Back

I actually decided to stay an extra day down in Florida.  Instead of flying home Saturday night, I came home late Sunday night.  Of course my flight got delayed and I got home about 1 am and then was up at 6 am for school on Monday.  Crazy I know, but I just wanted one more day to relax and lay by the pool. I also wanted to go see my Aunt and Uncle one last time before I left.  They are getting older and my Aunt is in a Physical Rehab facility because she has trouble walking without assistance.

It’s hard to believe that just a few days ago, I was on this beach:

beaches_florida barefoot beach

Naples is a beautiful part of Florida that I had never really spent much time in before.  It’s really gorgeous.  There is a lot of old money and old people LOL. Right off the beach road (5 minute drive from the condo) are all these spectacular mansions that are really fun to look at and take pictures of but I could not even imagine being wealthy enough to own one.

This one was a particular favorite of mine:

Barefoot beach house

It was a really relaxing and enjoyable vacation.  We found a bunch of great thrift shops, did some shopping, went out to eat in a bunch of great restaurants, walked the beach, and drank pina coladas by the pool. My cousin and I went out to karaoke two nights (it’s huge in Florida) and had a ball!

I see now how much I really needed a break and realize how important it is to make the time to take more vacations.  It recharges your batteries and reminds you of all the beauty there is in the world.  I did miss my hubby very much and am glad to be home.  Next time, he is definitely coming with me 😉

Change of Plans

florida beach

I was supposed to be leaving on a big old jet plane this Friday, heading down to sunny Florida.  But I was going to be staying at my Dad’s condo he rented for a few months. Since he is stuck up here in NY recuperating from surgery, he asked if I can come down in April or May instead. When I actually thought about it, I realized I honestly wasn’t that keen on going on vacation by myself anyway. I could definitely get into a whole lot of trouble left on my own for that long, that’s for sure. My H took over 3 weeks off from work when his Mom suddenly got sick and then passed away in October so he wasn’t able to come now anyway. He won’t have any time built up for a few months.

I was planning on spending most of my time at the beach or pool, getting some sun and hanging out with my cousin (she’s probably one of the only people I know down there under the age of 60 lol). And while I am a little bummed to not be in the nicer weather, it was beginning to feel kind of strange to be going by myself. I’ve flown by myself before, so that wasn’t a problem for me. I was about 22 and ended up meeting a professional tennis player on the flight down who took me out to dinner while I was away lol.

I bought insurance which it turns out isn’t so simple to actually claim. I have to provide medical documentation and submit a claim form if I want to get a refund. They make is seem so easy when you’re paying the extra $60 lol. But I can get the documentation from my Dad’s doctor and my Dad offered to pay any out of pocket expenses to change my flight. And I will go down in April when I have a week off then. Gotta love school schedule lol.

Last night my husband came into our bedroom and he was so cute. He said since you’re staying home next week and I have off on President’s Day, do you want to take a shorter trip and maybe go to Atlantic City? I said sure, that sounded like a great idea.  Who knows? Maybe a change of scenery will spark something romantic.

I Should Be More Relaxed

We got back from vacation a few days ago.  I haven’t really felt like writing. The vacation was pretty good but I feel like I should be more relaxed lol. On the way up to the lake (3 hour drive), H and I were fighting over getting lost and other equally stupid reasons.  This continued the first 2 days. We very rarely argue or fight (which I don’t think is necessarily healthy) so it was upsetting and did not lead to any closeness or resolutions.

Finally on Friday, we were in town at the grocery store and I was just feeling so very sad and alone.  My husband was right by my side and yet I started crying because I was so unhappy and lonely.  I finally told him how I was feeling and that opened up the door to the first actual productive discussion in a few months.  After that we definitely had a much better time together.

I am looking for a sex therapist in our area, which is not as simple a task as you might think.  Besides the fact that it just seems so bizarre to me that this is where I am in life, it’s hard to trust just anyone with your deepest, darkest feelings. Marriage counseling I had no trouble with, this is just different.  Also, most insurances don’t cover sex therapy and we do not have a lot of extra money right now.  I guess I will just start making calls and go from there.

I think I am just really scared because if this doesn’t work, I will have no choice but to make huge changes in my life.  I am trying to think positively and be upbeat, but it’s not easy.  How the hell did I (a woman who LOVES and NEEDS sex like I do oxygen) wind up in a sexless marriage?!?!?!  This was NEVER supposed to happen to me and I think I am really sad and pissed off about it.  I feel duped.  Like I got sold a false bill of goods.  My husband is so kind, sweet and funny. He is always there for me, in good times and in bad so it feels disloyal and wrong to be so unhappy with him.

Wow, my feelings about this are a lot more complicated than I thought they were.  I think we have both been unhappy and unsatisfied for a long time.  I have to remember this is a positive step and can only lead to a better, happier future. Fingers crossed 🙂