Holding On vs. Letting Go

I let him go

I have never been a woman that takes long to get over relationships. It shocks me that it has taken 8 months to finally let go of P and be at peace with shutting that door for good.  I just kept holding on because I was so certain he was my future. That he could be strong enough to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse.  That he would figure it out before it was too late.  He wasn’t and he didn’t.  And that’s okay because it doesn’t mean we didn’t love one another very much.  It just means he’s not ready to leave his prison of loneliness and dysfunction. I am still angry sometimes but I guess I will take anger over sadness lol.

why we hold on

This is so friggin true!! Do you want to know why I held on so tightly for so long and refused to let go?  Because most of the time it was amazing. Our love was special in a way I had never known. I have never felt that way about anyone before in my whole life.  Believe me, he wasn’t perfect at all lol! That man has more issues and baggage than an airport terminal. He was just perfect for me and I thought that I was perfect for him.  We used to marvel at how his crazy fit my crazy.  But he’s so afraid of making changes or mistakes. A lot of that is his generalized anxiety disorder.  And that’s okay because it’s his choice.  My choice is to move on without him in my life anymore.

I gave him 2 years and that was plenty of time to get his shit together.  Like DaVinci said “A life without love is no life at all.” He just thinks he’s wasted 8 years, what’s a few more months?

Well a few months was the difference between my holding on and my letting go.  We all make choices.  He’s made his to stay unhappy and unloved and I’ve made mine to cut him out of my life completely and irrevocably.  I think he really just thought I would happily wait til he was finally ready. Obviously I guess he never truly understood me.  Patience has always been a struggle for me and I admit that.  I know how short life is and I don’t intend to waste mine pining for anyone!

movingon

This quote makes me laugh because it was exactly how I felt those first few days.  It’s still hard to look back and realize just how much pain I was in.  Thankfully, I am living, finally moving on and I am happy.  I had to realize that I don’t actually NEED anyone to live, even P. I do believe there was a purpose to all of this. Unlike P, I learn from my mistakes and pain so that I don’t repeat them.  I will make new ones 😉

Go where the love and great sex is my friends!

There Is NO Us vs Them

I have never glorified affairs or being the other woman. It is personal and definitely not something I am proud of or I would have my photo on my blog.

My blog is about more than one topic. It was about the end of an affair. But it’s also about depression, marriage, inspiration, narcissism, abuse and laughter.

I was a betrayed spouse long before I was ever the OW. It was the most painful situation I had ever experienced before the loss of my Mom.

That being said, I do NOT understand why so many betrayed spouses continue to hate and focus on the ow instead of placing the majority of the blame on their own husbands! When my H cheated, I didn’t like her and yes I thought she was trash. But I didn’t hate her and blame her more than him. She wasn’t my problem, HE was.

If you are focusing on, blaming and getting revenge on the woman, you are not focused on your husband, your marriage or your damaged relationship. In a way, you are letting your husbands off the hook.

What possible good comes from people making assumptions and projecting their own hurt, betrayal and anger onto strangers?

A betrayed spouse wrote this a while back. I think it’s about me.
I have been reading a blog by a married woman who was betrayed by her husband. A couple of years later she subsequently went out and had an affair of her own and has recently been caught and disclosed.
Actually I voluntarily told my H and P told his W. No one was caught.

The justification she uses for her adulterous ways confound me. Having been on the receiving end of lies told by my first husband to others in order to justify his affair, I may be projecting. I’m very sorry this woman was lied to, but she most definitely is projecting. There is no justification for an affair and hindsight is 20/20. I was in a very loving yet sexless marriage for 3 years. If it happened today would I walk away? Absolutely! But I was naive and foolish. My adulterous ways?? Um you are barking up the wrong tree there lol.

Here are some thoughts from me on the matter of this OW’s blog.

Why are you bestowing guilt on the wife who had zero knowledge of your relationship with her husband? She’s not guilty of our affair. She’s only guilty of being a fake frigid narcissist and a crappy Mother (daughter’s therapist’s opinion, but I agree).

You actually believe what your AP told you about her? If it was true, you had no business knowing any of that information – her husband breached his wife’s trust the first time he ever said anything about his marriage to you. Well if I believe him and he’s telling the truth (his Mom verified), it still doesn’t matter cause we cheated. So doesn’t matter what the truth is because you have already judged me as guilty and wrong.

The sad truth is you don’t know me and the fact that your husband hurt, lied, betrayed and cheated on you is not and never will be my fault. It’s easy to paint me as the harlot and her as the victim. Well guess what? The victim’s own family has since seen the truth since her mask is gone. His parents and sisters won’t even be in the same room with the “victim” anymore. That has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

Regardless of the facts, life is NOT always black and white. Affairs suck and cause pain. They are not romantic or sexy. But the only people I feel bad for hurting is my husband and his kids. His kids are the only innocents in this whole mess. I deeply regret hurting them and also my H.

Whatever my reasons and justifications were, they are mine and NO ONE has the right to judge me except God. I am not the whore, temptress, or bunny boiler that slept with any of your husbands. We are not one size fits all just as BS are not all the same.

Stop hating and judging! When it happened to me, I took a long deep look at myself. I wasn’t to blame for his affair but I wasn’t blameless for issues in our marriage. Focus on your own lives and the good, loving women you are. Please don’t judge all of us ow as evil whores. We aren’t all shitty people but we are human.

I was a good woman in a bad situation who made a stupid decision and hurt others and myself. But I will not pay for the crimes of others. Do not confuse my kindness and compassion with weakness. It would be a mistake.

Sooo In The Doghouse

My husband totally pissed me off today.  He was so angry and rude that I wasn’t ready to clean and run errands right when he wanted. I don’t mind him being annoyed. Everyone has a right to their feelings and to express those feelings.  

But it was the way he showed his anger, stomping around and mumbling like a jackass. It felt like I was watching a child have a temper tantrum lol. The man is 47 years old!

I tried to talk to him rationally and maturely but it did not go smoothly.  I did nothing to deserve the way he treated me and I told him so. His behavior really hurt and upset me.

I think it has more to do with the fact that we still are not having sex and I am just about fed up. I have tried everything and am just tired of feeling constantly rejected.

He cleaned the tub / shower, which was great but I do it all the time! I don’t expect a parade for it, geesh. I honestly think sometimes he expects me to cook and clean like a 50s housewife while also working a full-time job lol.  

Both of our Moms were stay at home housewives but our Dads were able to support the family. And when we were in high school both women went back to school and work, eventually becoming successful in their own right. Can’t have it both ways dude, especially with a chronic illness.

He apologized but it was really half-assed and only because he knows he’s in the doghouse.  He should really think of building on a new wing if he continues to act this way lol.