Let’s Toast to Friday!


some people dream world

This week flew by in a haze of hormones and work was insanely busy and more stressful than usual.  Was it a great week? No, but it wasn’t a bad one either. I did manage to lose 3 1/2 lbs, which is fantastic considering the hormones make me really hungry lol. Down 6 lbs total as of week 2. I definitely have to kick it into high gear this week and get moving.

Through it all, who calls just to say he loves me or make me laugh when I’m sad?  Who is always there for me with love and support? My husband. He has never given up on me or on us, even when I was ready to. I had forgotten just how wonderful a man and a person he is and how much I enjoy being with him. Somewhere along the way we lost that part of our relationship and I am so happy to be rediscovering it. I still don’t know what will happen but it’s looking pretty good. I am having Friday pizza with my family tonight and then tomorrow a date night with my H after I pick my brother and his family up from the airport. They took the kids to Disneyworld for the first time and I cannot wait to hear all about it! I am definitely going where the love is and hopefully there will be some great sex too lol! Fingers crossed. Enjoy your weekend everyone 😉

Love is Stronger than Death



I cannot believe I am writing this a week after she got sick. My Mother-in-law passed away last night. All 4 of her children had been there throughout the day n night. Her daughter, my sis-in-law, was with her. And my husband, who we lovingly joke is horrible with hospitals, had just left her bedside not 5 minutes before she took her last breath.

I am so proud of him. He is extremely uncomfortable and visibly shaken in hospitals but he stayed alone with her Friday and Saturday night in the hospital. And has been there all day into the night since.

He called me around 6:30pm. I had gone home after work, exhausted physically and emotionally. He said he was tired n might leave. I told him to stay with her, his brothers, sister and his uncle. I said please trust me, I have been here before. You need to be there. He said you’re right, I will stay a few more hours. He called me from outside the elevator because no cell reception in parking garage. It was 11:12 and he had just left her and his sister. The others had left about an hour before. She died at 11:16 pm. Like his sister said, she knew her son and waited until he had gone.  That was her, thoughtful and kind.

She is at peace and she has been reunited with her husband of 51 years.

Tired but Happy

sun shining thru clouds

Yesterday was a rainy Monday and I was not quite ready to start the work week but I did.  Some days are just hard and I just feel exhausted before the day has even begun.  Today was much better, but still rainy.  I’ve been thinking about how much has changed in my life recently.  I’m so much happier and I feel more at peace.  P is gone and while not forgotten, he no longer has a starring role in my thoughts and in my heart.

My Hubby and I are really learning how to have fun together again.  We make each other laugh and have been really nice to one another, even when we are tired or cranky.  Just little things that add up to a happier marriage.  Like him doing things like keeping the bathroom clean without being asked or me cooking for him again and making sure he has clothes for the week.  I know it sounds like unimportant things but the difference is simple.  We think of one another’s happiness more.  The last few years it was what has he done for me lately or what has she done for me.  It wasn’t always but it was definitely a strong undercurrent. I resented being rejected over and over and over again.  I missed having sex and being intimate. I can’t speak for what was bothering him.  I do know the last 2 years he has grieved the death of his Dad a lot more than he ever thought.

He recently said he thought that I thought that he should get over it quicker.  I looked at him like he had 3 heads!?!?!  Get over it?  It took me a few years to heal after my Mom died!  He was there, he knew that.  So why would I EVER expect anything different from him?  I am many things but a hypocrite is not one of them.  I said I was very sorry he felt that way but I never intentionally said or did anything to make him feel like that.  I said I am not a mind reader and grief is personal.  Just because I didn’t sit you down and drag the feelings out of you doesn’t mean I didn’t care.  I thought I was being respectful and when you wanted to talk you would.  That’s what I did with my Mom.  I didn’t expect him to read my mind or make me better.  No one can do that but you.  I said I think you expect me to be a miracle worker and I’m not.  He smiled and said yeah maybe you are right about that.  But you just always seem to either know what to do or you know the answer so I guess we all look to you for guidance.  I said that’s wonderful but I’m not Google or a set of encyclopedias dear.  I am a human with flaws and weaknesses.  I make mistakes every day.  And I am not your Mother!  She is a lovely woman and I am happy to have her for a mother-in-law so you have no need for another.  He laughed and told me that I was right again lol.

So is it that oh so hot passionate erotic fun that I had with P?  No but that’s okay because it also doesn’t make me sad or hurt.   There is no lying or missing someone, no stolen moments,  no fear of anyone getting hurt, and no more living 2 half-lives like before.  It’s really pretty damn great lol!  I have no idea if it will last for a day, a week, a month, a year or the rest of our lives.  I think it’s best to just take every day as it comes and live the best life you possibly can with what you have.

And never forget to go where the love is!!!!!


Sooo In The Doghouse

My husband totally pissed me off today.  He was so angry and rude that I wasn’t ready to clean and run errands right when he wanted. I don’t mind him being annoyed. Everyone has a right to their feelings and to express those feelings.  

But it was the way he showed his anger, stomping around and mumbling like a jackass. It felt like I was watching a child have a temper tantrum lol. The man is 47 years old!

I tried to talk to him rationally and maturely but it did not go smoothly.  I did nothing to deserve the way he treated me and I told him so. His behavior really hurt and upset me.

I think it has more to do with the fact that we still are not having sex and I am just about fed up. I have tried everything and am just tired of feeling constantly rejected.

He cleaned the tub / shower, which was great but I do it all the time! I don’t expect a parade for it, geesh. I honestly think sometimes he expects me to cook and clean like a 50s housewife while also working a full-time job lol.  

Both of our Moms were stay at home housewives but our Dads were able to support the family. And when we were in high school both women went back to school and work, eventually becoming successful in their own right. Can’t have it both ways dude, especially with a chronic illness.

He apologized but it was really half-assed and only because he knows he’s in the doghouse.  He should really think of building on a new wing if he continues to act this way lol.   

Recognizing What Isn’t Good For You

Every day I practice this. Being strong and brave enough to let it go. I’m learning how to lead my heart. Most days I am successful and moving on.  On the few days that I focus on the past, I try not to beat myself up.
I am increasingly more grateful for my husband every day.

Positive Outlooks Blog

Learn how to lead your heart; start recognizing when something isn’t good for you and be strong enough to let it go. A person can only waste the time if you give them an opportunity to waste. Stop trying to open doors for people who constantly shut you out. Make sure the interest is shown in the effort, the talk is supported by the actions, and the trust is earned through the consistency. — Robert Hill Sr.

Man walking at sunset

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