A Priceless Gift

“Sometimes the best thing someone we love with all our heart can do is leave; and during their absence you’ll see, you’re still alive and surviving each passing day on your own. You’ll then come to the realization that; they’re not air nor are they water. You never needed them as your mind had lead you to believe.”

To see the rest of this post: A Priceless Gift  at https://deanneworld.wordpress.com

Thank you! It really helped to see this today. This was a gift and a lesson that I never wanted to learn but I obviously needed to. It’s a great way to look at a loss or a rejection. 

Freaky Friday

Okay, today has been a strange one and not really in a good way. I just have felt this feeling of loneliness, even though I’ve been surrounded by people all day long. I just felt so alone, ugly and unloved. My friends thankfully reminded me I’m not. I was hoping not to be hormonal this month during my period, but obviously that ship has sailed. Oh well, lol.

I knew it had nothing at all to do with Putz and things with my H have been going really well. We have been talking more, spending more time together and yesterday he had me laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair at my desk.

Then my Dad called me and asked if I was starting to get melancholy because the anniversary of my Mom’s death is on Monday.  And bam, I realized why I was feeling so alone.  Thankfully, time has helped to dull the once sharp pains of loss and I am usually able to smile when I think of her and realize how lucky I truly was to be her daughter.  We have always tried to celebrate her life but we do usually go to Mass together and then to brunch on February 15th. I see now that we do it to help ourselves and each other cope with the loss of such an important part of our family. I know my Mom is happily smiling down at us with love and joy in her heart.  This song kind of says exactly how I feel sometimes.

Ghosts of Exes Past

It always makes me laugh how life unfolds. In my experience, usually NOT at all the way we hoped or expected. After overcoming a lot of things, I have learned to lean into the curves and continue to grow through adversity and heartbreak.

I have only had my heartbroken twice in my life. Once when I was 21 and the other last year.  The first guy to ever break my heart was Brian and he was my first real love.  I was sure we were meant to be lol. I’m actually cringing as I write this. It sounds so silly and naive now. We were complete opposites and had nothing in common. Except an incredible physical chemistry and an intense sexual chemistry.  Looking back after all these years, you always see things much clearer. I think because the sex was incredible I mistook it for a deeper spiritual connection.  He had a drinking problem, no ambition and while he did chase after me for months, eventually it became obvious that he was kind of a selfish jerk. But 2 tumultuous years later, when he broke up with me, I was absolutely devastated. It actually makes me laugh now how it was the worst thing that could ever happen and I thought I would never be happy again.  A few months later, we got back together and then I finally saw him as he was, not how I wanted him to be. I dumped him a few months later and never looked back.

A few years after I was married, Brian found me on Facebook and proceeded to tell me I was the love of his life. He never should have let me go and he still loves me, blah blah blah. All I could think of to say was, “What friggin relationship were you in?!?” LOL I was married, quite happily and had no intention of ever cheating on my H.  On my birthday he posted all these love songs to me, and a few other inappropriate things that just made me laugh. My H is a good sport and after I told Brian to cut it out, he stopped.

So last week, Brian texts me the day after I told my H that I was going to need some sort of pass to have sex. I said I wouldn’t have it with P and he didn’t have to worry but I was going to lose my mind.

Ex-boyfriends must have a homing beacon that lets them know when you’re vulnerable lol. I thought Brian might be the perfect candidate. We have history, I’m obviously comfortable with him, and there is absolutely NO chance of me falling for him again. Like I have said before, I love fiercely and with my whole heart. But when I’m finally done, I am just done. There is no going back EVER!

He was speechless when I told him about the sexless marriage. He told me that in 2 years, he NEVER once remembers me saying not now, I’m not in the mood, I have a headache, or EVER turning down sex. LOL!! He’s single and quickly asked me if I would let him cook me dinner sometime.

But honestly?  After talking to him a few times? He’s still the same selfish jerk he was 20 years ago.  I guess that’s why he’s single and has never been married. So I took a pass and wished him luck.

That’s the thing about heartbreak, you can’t plan for it or avoid it. But hopefully you can learn from it and not repeat the same old mistakes.

Letting Go and Feeling Good About It

let-go1

Letting Go and Feeling Good About It

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” — Ann Landers

Letting go isn’t easy, especially in relationships. And letting go of your marriage, spouse or partner can be one of the hardest things to do in life. Yet, it can be the most rewarding, positive, life-changing experience you will ever have. Letting go allows you to express your real self — the one that doesn’t require any attachments to feel safe or happy. Truth be told, your real self already has everything you need to feel secure and happy. Be willing to get to know the real you. That begins with letting go of those people (places or things) that you mistakenly believed brought you security and/or happiness. That belief (which you have the power to change) keeps you imprisoned and locked in a cycle of low self-worth, dependency, and misguided duty or obligation. Very unhealthy, to say the least.

There are other reasons why it’s good to let go. For one thing, it allows you to make room for new, positive experiences. When you let go of a person with whom you’ve had a relationship, you are in a position to create something totally new. It’s your chance to take all those things you loved about your past relationship as well as all those things you wished you had but didn’t, and combine them as your vision for your ultimate relationship. Of course, if you’re not ready for that, you can still use that opening to do something in your life you never had the chance to do before. Try something new!

But aside from the reasons why you should let go, there’s still the dilemma of how you’re going to feel good about it. It just doesn’t seem that easy when you’re letting go of someone you’ve loved or still love. But consider this: You, as a divine and creative being, have the power to choose to feel good about it. In my experience, this is something most people miss. We are conditioned to believe that letting go of a relationship, marriage, spouse or partner is going to make us feel bad. We don’t even consider the idea that we can actually choose to feel good about it. While it’s natural to feel sad over your loss, you don’t need to be stuck in that sadness for as long as you think. Know that the most crucial first step to feeling good about letting go is to simply decide to. Your decision about how your future experience will be determines your outcome. You have that power of choice, so use it!

This isn’t to deny or suppress your emotions. On the contrary, choosing to feel good about letting go actually helps to view and express them in a much healthier manner. You won’t dwell upon your grief and sadness, thereby perpetuating it even further. Instead, your emotions become more balanced as you detach from the drama of it all.

Once you make the decision to feel good about letting go, you can follow these suggestions to help that good feeling continue:

  • Stop forfeiting your time doing things you don’t love.Although it’s necessary to allot time to your responsibilities and obligations, don’t waste your time on thoughts or activities that consistently bring you down. Stop reading negative, angry or depressing posts, watching sad movies about lost love or listening to songs about heartache. They don’t serve you in the least. Use your time doing things that support what you love and enjoy — especially if it’s creative and fun. And do them without guilt.
  • Go out in nature.Nature has a very healing and uplifting effect. Spend at least 30 minutes a day outside. Connect with the earth, trees, plants and animals. If you can be near water, that’s even better! I believe that water is cleansing to the emotions and mental clutter. In time, your outing will help you to feel the energy of a positive, new beginning.
  • Happily daydream and wonder.Use the creative imagination of your inner child to wonder what it would be like if you had ______ or experienced ______ (but don’t include your ex in it, as that would defeat the purpose). Do this daily. Your joyful inner child is begging to be expressed, so let your imagination lead the way. When you think and dream of joyful and magical things, you become happier! And so what if you feel silly — being silly always brings a smile, right?

Once you let go, you allow the universe to step in to bring benefit to everyone involved — especially you. Benefit = goodness, health, happiness, prosperity, blessings, assistance…. the list goes on. Holding on creates unhealthy attachments that hurt everyone involved — especially you. By holding on and believing that letting go feels “bad,” you’re not going to see or feel the benefits. Your thoughts and beliefs about letting go are your biggest detractors so change them and decide to feel good about it. You just might find your newfound freedom feels good after all.

This article was written by Pamela Dussault, creator of www.PassageToInnerJoy.com.

Will I Always Love Him?

like a cactus

I loved him for over 2 years and even though I had not seen him for 11 very long months,  until recently I loved him still and I do not know why.  How could I have loved a man who had shown over and over how little he loves  and cares for me?  Would God be that cruel as to keep me tethered to someone so undeserving of my love and devotion?  Surely there has to be some reason for all the suffering I have endured loving him.  I just would really like to know what the reason is.

I did not want to love him anymore.  I just wanted to be happy and loved.  I wanted to feel the passion and joy I felt with him again.  I truly thought he was my soulmate and yet he chooses to live without me.  How could I ever have loved such a foolish man? A man who was able to put his love for me in a box and shut it away. Now I’m trying hard not to be ashamed that I loved him at all.

He was so different back then. It’s hard to imagine that someone could change so much in less than a year. But as much as he says he hasn’t, he most definitely has. He’s become much less like me and more like her. He’s colder, distant, less caring and loving. He has walls up to keep me out and now I have lost the desire to break them down. I finally realize I have no choice but to let him stay empty, alone and unloved. It’s what he wants and what he has chosen.

I have no place in his life, so there’s no longer any reason to have contact. He is not the man that I loved, wanted and needed and he never will be again. I know that now and I have finally accepted it.

The part I find pretty hysterical is that because he really has no basis for comparison, as she and I are the only 2 women he’s ever been in love with, he really believes that he can get me back if he wants to! He thinks it would take time and a huge amount of effort so he’s not a complete idiot lol. But he honestly believes that if and when he ever leaves, he can just take my love out of the box he put it in 11 months ago and I will accept him. NO friggin way! I am becoming more and more like my old self everyday, BUT I do not forget how weak and pitiful I had become. Months and months of being treated like a human yo-yo, manipulated and given false hope over and over again made me this sad sap. I was unrecognizable to myself sometimes. It was very scary and I will not be repeating the abuse.

I am so lucky to know love is an amazing gift that is to be treasured and respected. To think of it as a burden or a weakness is not only terribly sad, it’s just wrong. Love is not like a baseball card that you can shove in a shoebox, put in a closet and expect to be able to find when or if you’re ready for it! It’s a living, breathing thing that needs to be taken care of, nurtured and cherished. Otherwise it shrivels up and fades away, like dust in the wind.

So will I always love him? As much as I feared this may be a lifelong curse, thankfully it is NOT!  HELL NO!! I am no longer in love with him and I am really happy about it. It was happening gradually over time and with healing. But when he did certain unforgivable things and then proceeded to manipulate me to ease his own suffering when I blocked him from my life? Then I knew he was too selfish and self-absorbed to worry about anyone other than himself and his family.  He is no longer the same man, so loving him is no longer possible.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Go where the love and great sex is!!!

Death Takes Us All But Love is Eternal

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I have accumulated a lot of personal knowledge of death over the last 7 years.  First 6 years ago, I lost my Mom.  A year later I lost one of my best friends, my 32 year old cousin, a Special Forces paratrooper who survived 2 tours in Iraq and a tour in Afghanistan, in a freak training accident here in the US. A year after that, his father and the only Uncle I was really close to out of my Mom’s 3 brothers died of cancer. A year after that I lost my only other male cousin who was 44 of cancer. A year later we lost my H’s Dad less than a month after he was diagnosed with cancer.  Now, my Mother-in-law died last week of ovarian cancer after a week in the hospital and before she was even officially diagnosed!!

Holy shit!  I cannot believe how many people I have lost over the last 7 years!!  Is it me or does that seem like A LOT of death?!?!  That doesn’t even count close family friends, distant relatives, grandparents, etc. Maybe I am being overly sensitive or dramatic but that seems like a shitload of death and loss to me.  I don’t think I ever really stopped and thought about it like that.

I was raised to always find the good in every situation as well as something to laugh about.  Because otherwise what the heck is the point?  And I agree with that philosophy, it has kept me going through some very dark times in my life.  I’m not saying don’t feel bad, mad or sad.  I’m saying don’t allow it to define you.  I don’t think that I have a dark cloud hanging over me or anything.  Shit happens in life and you really have only 2 choices. You can either deal with it and enjoy life or you can sit and whine about all the bad that has happened.

Do you know what I think of?  I think of their faces, smiling and laughing.  So full of life and joy.  They each led such extraordinary lives and had something so special about them.  I mourned them and grieved the loss but now?  I remember them and I celebrate all the amazing memories and laughter we shared through the years!!!  I was so lucky to know them and be related to them, either by blood or by marriage.  How many people can say they consider themselves truly lucky to have had 33 years with a mother so remarkable that she will never ever be forgotten?  I can!!

Yes it sucks and when someone is grieving the worst thing you can say is something idiotic like they’re in a better place or it is a blessing!!!  It makes that person’s loved ones want to crack someone in the head lol.  It doesn’t matter that it is true or that you only mean to help, when a person is grieving almost anything you say can set them off.  That’s just the nature of intense pain and suffering.  You know what never ever pissed me off or hurt my feelings?  I’m so sorry for your loss and a hug.  That was always the perfect thing to say.  More people should just say that lol.  At least I think so.

I think the way I think about death is different than most.  After being there with my Mom when she died, whatever doubts I had about the afterlife and seeing our loved ones again when we die?  They cease to exist, 100% because she had the most beautiful and happy smile on her face as she crossed over from this world to the next one.  My Dad and I thought maybe we were hallucinating, but then we realized we would both have to be hallucinating simultaneously but separately. We will see our loved ones again and from the look on my Mom’s beautiful little face?  It’s a hell of a party when we do!!!!

In Case You Forget. Love, Your Heart

stay away

Don’t worry. I’m fine. I promise. I just wanted this for the next time I forget and miss someone who doesn’t even seem to remember how much he once loved me. Someone who is afraid of love and has nothing left to offer me. Someone who threw away his soulmate because he needs time.

I know how precious and special love is. I know if it matters, it’s worth fighting for. But you can’t be the only one fighting. So when someone gives up on you and breaks your heart? Remember that they are the ones that are worse off. Because they had a pure and true love and they threw it away. They have to live with that.

Some people choose to waste years of their life just waiting patiently. They think this makes them good and honorable. At some point, living in denial and refusing to see the truth is just cowardly. But the rest of us know life is just way too short to live in a web of lies we tell ourselves. We know love is all that matters. And a life without love is no life at all. Be brave and follow your heart, no matter where it takes you.

Goodbye my love

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I loved you with all my heart & soul mistakenly believing you to be whole Devoted to me while I adored you
Our love grew strong, so special & new.

Days passed in glorious wonder
Like the spell of my angeleyes
you appeared to be under
U had never known love
until I showed you the way
Though I loved you so dearly,
In the end you could not stay.

Hearts bound together
through time and space.
But now that heart is broken
an empty chamber in its place.

I continued to grieve and mourn
what might have been.
Never realizing our fate was cast
at the moment of first sin.

Beneath a cold fresh bed of snow
A flower dies without
a chance to grow.
A baby gone before
it took its first breath.
Our once joyous dreams
died a sad lonely death.

A promise unfulfilled,
a love that will never be.
I still had hope one day you’d see
U were my everything.
No one will ever capture
your heart like me.

After 8 months, I really needed to say goodbye to P. While I did have a few poems published years ago, this is my first attempt in over 8 years. So please be gentle. Thanks Kc 🙂

While the poem may be sad, I can honestly say that I am not. I am happy and hopeful for the next chapter of my life, whatever that may be. I’m going where the love is!

Regrets, I Have A Few

Today I regret meeting him, falling in love with him and giving him my whole heart. Because I unknowingly gave him a tiny part of my soul. And while I have recovered the pieces of my shattered heart, and it is healing very well, I truly feared he would always claim ownership over my soul. It is not what I want or would ever choose for myself. But it is what seems to have happened. Thankfully, now that I realize how damaged and miserable he is, I have stopped being afraid. And now I know only God has anything to do with my soul.

Life is a journey with many twists and turns. Until recently, I felt like I would never be that happy again. Do you have any idea how horrible it made me feel to know that all my love and devotion meant so little to him? That he is sooo addicted to the frigid narcissist and chasing her unworthy ass that he will give her chance after chance to show how much she doesn’t care about him or their kids?

Or, she shuts you off sexually, avoids intimacy, and shows you no warmth so that you feel abandoned. If you seek comfort elsewhere, she can paint you as the bad guy for having an affair—never mind that she starved you of love and affection.

She’ll also blame you for her frigidity by saying that “maybe” she would have wanted to have sex with you more often if you weren’t so—fill in the blank—”angry, hostile, distant, spent too much time at work (to support her, mind you), or were ‘nicer’ to her.” She makes you feel like the sexual deviant, pathologizing you for the very natural desire for emotional and sexual intimacy. In reality, she’s the one who can’t handle intimacy and has seriously warped sexuality issues.

Why would anyone CHOOSE to stay addicted to an empty person exactly like this? She actually videos herself at the gym now and puts it on instagram!!!!! LMAO! Narcissist party of one?!

Does he even realize how much of a fool he has become? Over the last 8 months, he may be thinner but he’s lost more of himself. He’s colder, harder and more selfish like her than ever. He used to be kind, sweet and loving. He needs love and affection more than anyone I have ever met in my life, yet he stays with a woman who never touches him ever lol. It’s sick and I want to forget I ever knew him, loved him and now pity him.

His complete abandonment and betrayal has damaged me in ways I never thought possible.  This is not what I want anymore. He is too screwed up and stuck to ever be worth risking my heart again.

I want him gone. Erased from my memories and cast out from my heart. Remembering what once was does me no good and wishing things were different is absolutely pointless. But that doesn’t seem to have stopped me from wishing he was a stronger man, a better man.  A man that would’ve found a way not to hurt me and let me go. He wasn’t and he never will be.

So why did he feel like a part of me? Why was I so sure for so long (until very recently) that he is my destiny? I don’t want him in my life anymore. I only want peace and joy. With him there would just be more suffering. I’ve suffered quite enough thanks.

Please be very careful who you entrust with the precious gift of your heart. It will irrevocably change you and you might not get all the pieces back if it is broken.

I know I am very lucky to have learned this before I made a huge, irrevocable mistake. While this was a very painful chapter in my life, I am coming out the other side. I am wiser, stronger and better than before. And yes I am going where the love is 🙂

Painful to Say Goodbye

by Brigitte
It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.

For me, this has been one of the lessons I have had the most trouble adhering to.  It’s so simple and true.  But yet, my heart just kept trying.  I’m a pretty intelligent person who has never taken crap from any guy.  So why did I try so hard to hold on to our relationship? He made me believe in him and us.  But it wasn’t reality. It was self-destructive to have any contact with him at all.  Why do I keep letting him back in my life and in my heart?  What was it about him that I responded so deeply to?  It scares me that I gave my heart and soul to someone who was so wonderful, who said he felt the same and then showed the opposite.

I honestly became addicted to him and his love, needing more and more to feel good.  

One of the hardest things for love addicts experiencing a break up is breaking their denial. Denial is the PRIMARY psychological symptom of addiction. Denial is one of the reasons that recovery from love addiction isn’t effective. You cannot overcome a problem unless you come to fully accept that it exists. Denial comes in the form of:

-Ignoring how unhealthy the relationship actually was

-Believing getting back the relationship will solve the problems.

-Convincing yourself, it will “be different” next time.

-Not accepting the relationship is over.

-Believing the avoidant partner can be someone different from he or she is.

-Holding on to the fantasy you created from the beginning of the relationship.

-False hope that you can fix things.
I have to accept my powerlessness over my love addiction and the chaos and unmanageability it has brought into my life.

I know P is not a bad man, he’s actually pretty sweet.  He’s just not good for me and that’s what matters.

 

 

Communions & Memories

Saturday was my niece’s Holy Communion.

She is such a wonderful little girl and I am so happy to be part of her life.  I figure I only have a few more years before she no longer jumps up and down in excitement almost every week when I see her. Let me tell you just how kind, sensitive and loving she is.  When she was 5 and she learned about how the economy wasn’t all that great, she left out $1 for the TOOTH FAIRY!!  LOL  She asked her Mom to help her attach a note saying that she was worried that he might not have enough money to give to all the children who had lost a tooth and she felt he could use the money more than she could.

One of the last photos I have of my Mom is her with my 2 year old niece.  Her smile is so bright, it could light up the sky.  She was happier than I had ever seen her whenever she was around her and my nephew.  All she ever wanted to be was a wife, a mom and then a grandmother.  Just the simple pleasure of being able to see the kids whenever she wanted made her complete.  Sometimes I wonder if she had any idea she was or would become sick.  Because she packed a lifetime into just a few years with them.

I wish she was here to see my niece today, but I have no doubt she is looking down and smiling.  Family is so important and the older I get, the more I believe this.  It doesn’t just have to be the family you were born into.  It is also the one you create with the people that you love and care about.

If You Care aka Ten Steps Forward and One Step Back

If You Care About Someone, Remember It Every Day

This is so serious. If you care about someone, really care about them, remember it every day. Remember it on bad days especially. Remember it in fights. Remember it when you’re happy. Appreciate it. Love it. Be it. Live it. Feel it. Because you have no idea when it will be gone. There are only so many chances. And if you do forget and you do something stupid. You’d better fight for it. Fight as hard as you can. As hard as you can doesn’t mean until it is a detriment to you, but until you’re sure it won’t be. True love will always be true love and if you lose it, you’re going to regret it. 

~Brigitte Nicole

Okay, so I cried a little last night. I think I was mourning the loss of a dream that will never ever be.  Although my head has known this for months and I think I have fully accepted this reality, I now realize my heart still held a glimmer of hope.  It really was the most beautiful dream.  A dream full of love, joy, happiness, understanding, acceptance and obviously lots of yummy sex lol.  But it was not meant to be, not with P.

Love is everything. But love is also about the choices we make. I fought for us and he thinks he did too but he didn’t, that’s total crap. And that’s okay. I loved with my whole heart and soul, maybe for the first time ever. I think that’s why I’m getting better and he’s getting worse. I have no regrets for following my heart.   The only thing I regret is the hurt it caused my husband.

After speaking to P, I have forgiven him. I just do not have the luxury of forgetting all the pain and heartbreak I went through because of HIS choice to change his mind and remain alone and unloved.  I understand he thought he was doing what was best for his kids and I respect his decision. But he said he is also enjoying knowing he did everything she asked and nothing has changed.  I told him he is a Martyr.  A man who sacrificed true love to keep his dysfunctional family together.  I couldn’t refrain from telling him he needs to get a big wooden cross and when he feels unloved and unappreciated, he can get up and nail himself to it!!

I most likely wouldn’t survive another go round with him and that’s the truth. I am generally not a self-destructive person. Then there is P and a good friend of mine. They do the same thing over and over again and honestly expect different results!! That is insanity, and I am not insane.

The best thing I can do for EVERYONE (especially myself), the ONLY option that won’t lead to more heartache is to NOT initiate any contact (via any means including but not limited to talking, texting, messaging, emailing, facebook, skywriting, carrier pigeon, pony express, and to ignore him if he initiates.

I think it’s good that he has been going to counseling every week (usually by himself, but hey not my business right?) What struck me was the fact that he has spent far more time changing his outside.  He has lost 35 lbs. as well as learned how to cook, do laundry and basically become a FANTASTIC 45 year old houseboy LOL.  I only wish he was working as diligently on his inside.  I mean his anxiety, non-existent self-esteem, his complete lack of independence and figuring out why he repeatedly chooses a frigid narcissist who has admitted she doesn’t do affection, doesn’t want sex and thinks of him as a friend.

I am ready to put all of this in the past and focus on my future.  I have to find a sex therapist for us to go to.  For someone with a pretty high sex drive, I seriously NEVER thought I would ever be saying that.  But I love my husband very much and I know he loves me.  He can drive me nuts and I know I am a huge pain in the ass sometimes.  We are not perfect, nor should we be. He has always chosen me, no matter what. He picks me up when I fall and he has the biggest heart and the best sense of humor.  We both owe it to one another to see if we can meet somewhere in the middle.  And we will do it without anyone waiting in the wings or in my heart.

It will be a different dream, but hopefully one just as wonderful.  Actually it will be better because it will be REAL 🙂

Is he friggin serious!?!?

You must Never forget who was there for you when no one else was.

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This is what he posted yesterday. I know he’s talking about me and it just makes me shake my head. Yes I absolutely was there for him when no one else was for a year and a half. But in the end, it truly didn’t matter to him. I didn’t matter to him. And I really have no use for a guy that uses social media to send obscure messages.

I am not perfect but I am honest, upfront and open. I told my H I was losing it and would soon cheat. He did nothing. When I started the affair, before I fell in love with P, I told him! Does this make it right? No  it doesn’t.

I know now affairs cannot work. For me it was living 2 half lives instead of 1 full one. Looking back, I was willing to give up so much for him but he obviously wasn’t willing to give up anything for me.  He said I was the woman he loved and wanted to be with. I taught him how to love, how to communicate and how to strengthen a relationship through compromise. He said I was securely in his heart, mind and soul and then poof he was gone.

He’s way too old to be acting like he’s in junior high. Just a little more time and my heart will be healed.