Take Your Life Back

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The Power To Start A New Chapter – http://wp.me/p2pUkR-5c4

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I love this quote because it’s exactly what I’ve just finished doing. Intellectually I always knew I had the power to turn the page. But my heart, my hope and my dreams kept me stuck for such a long time.  I tried everything to let go but mostly it took time to heal. Time and being patient with myself.

It seems so amazingly simple when I read it here. But when you are hanging onto something that once made you happier than you had ever known?  It was one of the most difficult things for my heart to do. To just turn the freaking page!! LOL

I think it’s when we forget how much strength and courage we each possess, that we give away our power. It happens so subtly, we usually don’t even realize it has happened until afterwards.

All you can do is pick yourself up and realize something even better awaits you. I know it’s easier said than done but it’s the truth. Just remember to be grateful for all the good things in your life and go where the love is!! ♡♡♡♡

I Wish You Enough

I just read this and it’s so beautiful and really touched my heart. I had to share it.

From

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/goodbye-i-wish-you-enough-2/

“I wish you enough”

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter’s departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said: “I wish you enough.”The daughter replied, “Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.” They kissed and the daughter leftThe mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?””I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral,” she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, “I wish you enough.” May I ask what that means?”

She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

“When we said ‘I wish you enough’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them”. Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.”

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

Written by Bob Perks

Tuesday Truths

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I think these say it all. I have had years of incredible grief, loss, heartache and pain. But those hardships DO NOT DEFINE ME. They have made me a better, stronger, kinder and more loving person. I know what matters in life and what doesn't. And every day I am learning WHO matters and WHO doesn't. Not because of anything but their own choices.  I am happy and I am going where the love is!

| Life is Like a Roller Coaster Ride on WordPress.com

Photo post.

Source: | Life is Like a Roller Coaster Ride on WordPress.com

This REALLY helped me today! Lately, I have been happy and content. I do not feel like there anything lacking in my life. And I am very grateful about that.

But it’s always there in the back of my mind. It is a big pink elephant in the room. Sex is important and I miss it. I miss passion, intimacy and everything that goes with it. Only 1 more month and although I am scared and terrified, I will start to make plans to separate.  I cannot imagine my life without him but I also cannot remain in a sexless marriage any longer and I have no other choice.

It still seems kind of unreal to me that after 10 years, it’s come to this.  I definitely don’t think he believes that I will, which is absolutely crazy.  I don’t know what’s going through his head, I just know that as much as I love him, I cannot sacrifice that part of myself any longer than I already have.  It’s that tragic and that simple all at the same time.

Here’s to 2016 and going where the love and great sex is!!!

Your life actually becomes better because of the contrast you experience

Photo post by @joypassiondesir.

Source: Your life actually becomes better because of the contrast you experience

Ok, how much did I need to read this today?? LOL Obviously I’ve been mentally bashing myself a bit for being such a lovesick idiot for way too long.

Then I saw this! It never ceases to excite and amaze me how wonderful and the world is! If you look close enough and pay attention, everything you need will come to pass. All is as it should be. Have faith and enjoy the miraculous journey that is life.

Monday Quote

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Life is too short to waste on people who are too scared and damaged to keep you in their life. I must remember NEVER to make a priority of anyone who makes me an option. I definitely believe that everything happens for a reason. But I will be damned if I know why I cared so much for someone who proved himself to be worth so little.

How could I have loved such a totally clueless fool? LOL  I get love being blind, but is it deaf and dumb as well???  I know everyone is probably as sick of hearing about all this as I am of feeling like such an idiot.  But I would implore you for your patience and support for just a short while. I am sorting through all that has happened and then I promise you will not have to hear anything more about Putz (yes I thought it was a fitting name). Then I will forget about him and never let him bother me again. I love hard and true, but when I am done? I’m done and there is no going back.  That is just who I am.

Sorry I am not yet back to my positive, happy self but at least it’s real n honest. I think that’s always better than being fake.

Taking Chances & Change

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I agree that we’re never totally prepared and ready for changing our lives. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump!!
I think we just have to have faith in ourselves and trust that we will get where we are meant to be. I don’t want to have any regrets. So I am glad that I’ve loved and been loved. Right now I don’t know where or who I will end up with, but I am determined to go where the love and great sex is!

True That

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I’ve decided to just go where life takes me and enjoy the ride. It’s been a week NC and that’s a good thing. Yesterday I was a little sad but that was hormonal lol. I have no idea where I will be or who I will be with a year from now. And for now, that’s perfectly okay. But I will no longer allow myself to care n love people that don’t care and love me just as much. People show love by choosing to be in our lives and being good to us. If they aren’t? Don’t let the door hit u on the way out lol!!

Thoughts on Love

 I am really looking forward to going away with H next week.   I am hopeful that we can find our way back to each other.  I just wish it was easier.  It feels like so much work sometimes.  Should love have to be so much work?  I honestly don’t know.  Sometimes I feel sure we will make it and others I just don’t know.  I just want to feel passion and attraction again.  That’s when I miss P and all the joy, love and laughter.  Why was I always able to talk to him about anything and everything and why can’t H and I do the same?

I realize that obviously that’s not enough on its own.  Look at P. He’s totally addicted/codependent/attracted to his bulging bodybuilder/ selfish covert narcissist.  What does that get him? LOL A big fat nothing, that’s what.  I have never met anyone so delusional about their relationship or lack of one as P.  It’s so sad how much he has gone backwards in the last 8 months.  He’s so addicted to the cycle of narcissistic abuse and in denial, I really think part of him actually believes she can get better!!!!  C’mon seriously??? Yeah cause if you have 3 decent years, then 7 crappy ones, then 10 years where your marriage is so dead you have 3 affairs? I honestly believe that he is LITERALLY going to wait until she says she wants out to make any sort of change.  She still controls him and as long as she wants to, she probably always will. My love and devotion meant so very little to him in the end.  It’s hard for me to realize and admit that. But it is the truth and I know that now. Time won’t change him, it will just make him sicker and less human.

I ask myself how could I have loved someone so weak and not worth my love or my time?  When I think of all the times he said he wasn’t in love with her, could never be attracted to her again, and hoped she’d find someone so he could be free?  I will probably never truly know if it was all lies.  I guess it doesn’t really matter. Except to me it does.

I just want to love and be loved.  I want passion, laughter, companionship and a best friend.  Someone who I make a better person and who makes me want to be a better person too.  I really need a lot of sex to make up for all the years I missed.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  If my H isn’t up to the job, I will not stay any longer.  I’ve waited long enough.  It’s time for the men in my life to put up or shut up.  It’s just that simple.  I’m going where the love AND THE SEX is! LOL

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For Those Suffering

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And so this post is for you. For those whose suffering feels unnoticed. For those people who feel quietly stuck inside their mind. For those that feel hopeless. For those whose cries for help are mislabelled or misunderstood as cries for attention or flaws in their being. For the people who feel too tired to continue on. For people who struggle with depression and for people who don’t. For people who are having a bad day, a bad season, or a rough stretch of life. And for those people who don’t understand the illness but are willing to try. It’s okay – whatever you need, wherever you are, however long it takes – it’s okay. There is still time. To ask for help. To grow. To heal. To recover. There is still time for the sunshine to begin to seep through the cracks. For a flower to grow straight from your heart. ~Jessica Jensen

If They Love You

 

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Love is more black and white than we like to tell ourselves. Don’t allow anyone to keep you trapped in the “promise” of the gray area. The bottom line is: If they love you, TRULY love you, they’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. There won’t be excuses or doubts or fears or hesitation. Love is ACTION. Everything else is just words.
~Mandy Hale – The Single Woman

This is what I have to keep reminding myself.  No, we cannot choose who we fall in love with.  But we can choose to keep going back to those that break us down with empty words and unfulfilled promises OR we can love ourselves enough to realize we don’t need anyone to be happy.  We think we cannot live without them, but we can.  We just have to accept what we can’t change.

P keeps calling me, at home and at work and on my cell.  I have blocked him as much as I can, but at work I just don’t answer private calls.  He says he’s getting separated.  I will believe that when I see it lol.  But even so, it still has nothing to do with me.

As for me, I am going to continue to go where the love is.

No One But Herself

Who Will Be No One But Herself
by Brigitte Nicole
I’m the type of woman who believes in love at first sight; who will listen to a love song and get emotional. The kind of woman who doesn’t get over things easily; who will hurt a lot when someone doesn’t love her back; who will cry herself to sleep because sometimes she feels she’s not good enough. But who’s also strong; who can cry her eyes out then forbid them to come back the next morning; who will pick herself up every time she falls; who will be no one but herself. ”

This quote really touched me because it describes a woman like myself.  I do get emotional and I do get hurt.  I’m also strong and a survivor, whether I want to be or not.  I’m happy with who I am and don’t try to be anyone else.  In the end, I will always pick myself up and keep going,  usually after I have licked my wounds for a bit lol.