Birthday Blues/Get Back Up

Sorry all! I wrote this yesterday but wasn’t in the best frame of mind at the time to post it. I actually read today that there is such a thing as birthday blues, getting sad on your birthday.  It’s never happened to me before so I’m hoping it’s NOT that lol. That would suck cause I usually love birthdays.

Today is my birthday. I have so much to be grateful for and I know that.  All the friends and family who have called, sent cards, gifts, messages, etc.  I’m just having a rough day and I don’t think it’s anything in particular.  I guess it’s hormones plus I just miss my Mom, my Dad n his girlfriend are down in Virginia. Even wondering if Putz will say happy birthday.  Actually I know it’s hormones/my illness. I feel sad, a bit weepy and like no one loves me or cares.  The logical part of me knows that’s totally ridiculous, but that’s the illness.  Thankfully, it’s temporary and usually only bad for a few hours. Since it’s only a day or 2 a month and not EVERY SINGLE DAY?  I can handle it. Well I can get through it lol. I just feel like such an annoying whiner LOL!!! I guess I really can cry if I want to huh? Tomorrow will be a better day.

To Get Back Up Is Living Your Best –

Man walking at sunset

More Tuesday Truths

I started crying for absolutely no reason today at work. Thankfully I was alone and it was only for a minute. But damn those friggin hormones! LOL  I’m much better now, but not my usual happy-go-lucky self. And you know what? I think that’s okay. If not for the blah days, we would never appreciate all the truly kick-ass special days in the future.  The best cure for the blahs? Laughter!!  So I am going to see my Pop (I’m the only one that calls him that instead of Dad lol) because it is impossible to be around him and NOT laugh. Not to mention it’s comical watching the big guy roll around on the scooter with one leg 🙂



whenever you're sad

however sad

be thankful for every heart





Kermit been thru lot


it's funny


A Little Weepy

Life has been going really well the last few weeks,  except for a bad sinus infection which made me tired.  Things with my H have been pretty darn great.  He’s definitely been putting in a big effort to connect and be the sweet, loving man I fell in love with. Which of course makes me happier and then I put in more of an effort as well. It’s a slow process and I’m trying to be patient, which is not one of my many virtues lol. This weekend it snowed so we watched movies and ordered pizza. It was a lot of fun.

The last few days I have been a little weepy. I think it’s hormonal and maybe a little bit of my depression. Crying comes and goes, but nothing like it is when the depression gets bad.  I just sometimes get a tiny bit scared thinking, “Is this the day my meds stop working and I turn back into a human vegetable?”  I know it’s not and that I am fine. Luckily as much as I struggle with depression, I have never had a problem with anxiety. Except a few days before my Mom died and I developed this weird eye twitch (very attractive lol). That was NOT a good time, so I think the anxiety can be excused.

I think when I pretend it’s not happening, it just tends to make it worse. I just hate feeling that I have no control over whether I’m happy or sad. But I am calling myself out and being honest about this little ripple. Tonight I am having dinner with my family and that always helps.  I know for me, it really is just a blip and I will be fine in a day or two. And I have absolutely nothing to feel bad, guilty or sorry for. I just have to remind my brain of that!!

invisible illnesses

depression cage


depression flaw chemistry


Really? WTF?



As most of you have realized I have been posting a lot of articles about narcissism and codependency.  Yes, it originally started as a way for me to understand and process what P has dealt with for all these years.  Why he or anyone would stay unhappy and unloved year after year?  How could someone be okay and actually comfortable being ignored, manipulated, laughed at and basically treated not good enough for years? And to have chosen to have gone back to that lonely, tough situation willingly is something that I will never ever be able to comprehend.

Learning about the science behind traumatic bonding, addiction to the cycle of abuse and how the brain works has been extremely healing for me.  More than that, it’s fascinating to me that this type of abuse can obviously be so subtle that the victim does not even realize that it’s happening.  They know something is wrong or off with the person and their behavior but they don’t know what it is.

I have begun learning about personality disorders, narcissism, codependency, and other topics.  I do spend time scouring the internet.  I’ve read tons of articles and information that I think is interesting and educational yet will resonate with a lot of us.  Sometimes I weave in personal info, sometimes not.  I ALWAYS say who the article was written by and usually post a link to their website at the end.

I am truly happy to know that my blog is read and that I can be of some small help to those that have been abused or a victim.  My blog is very diverse in content and posts.  It is not just about any ONE topic.  It’s usually based on what I am feeling, dealing with or interested in.  There’s posts on depression, marriage, family, affairs, love, laughter, heartbreak, letting go and moving on, narcissism, quotes, humor, you name it.

In the last few days, something has happened 3 times now. Let me say, there are a bunch of people also interested in the same topic and spreading info about personality disorders.  They have been abused or know someone who has. They are supportive, generous and kind.  So I am quite used to people reblogging something I post.  I find it flattering and makes me smile. Like most of us, I enjoy when people relate to me, my blog, my life or my posts. I consider each mention a sweet n thoughtful gesture.

But now a few people (whose blogs I follow, enjoy and they follow mine)  just happen to post the exact same article I have within hours of my post!!! They correctly put the author’s name giving them credit, but then act like they just found it themselves a few hours after I post the same EXACT article?  Yeah right. The first time, I actually laughed and chalked it up to a coincidence. Great minds thinking alike and all. But now? I know it isn’t a coincidence and it’s just not very nice.

Obviously I am not as upset as I would be if someone posted my original content as their own. But it still bothers me that this keeps happening. This time the blogger posted it with a big picture of the author.  Does she think that I’ve done something wrong by posting the article in the first place and not including a huge photo of the very pretty author??  Oh and there was NO comment option, just like and reblog!!  Seriously WTF?!?!?!?

This makes me a little sad and confused. I get not wanting to reblog cause it doesn’t give whole post and it can be a pain, especially if you have other stuff you want to say or include. That’s totally fine n cool.

Since this has obviously gone from a coincidence to a complete disregard for where they first READ the article.  It’s absolutely legal but is it really okay?  No I didn’t write these articles (I am not a social worker or a psychologist), but I did go out of my way to find them, choose them and post them so people might read them.

The least someone can do if they want to repost the SAME EXACT ARTICLE hours later is either reblog, at least say this article was written by John Smith and found on Emma’s blog, or feel free to find your own articles to post.  

I really don’t think I’m wrong to feel upset.   But I am totally open to any and all opinions. Just be kind 🙂