Feeling the Love

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Thank you for all the kind words, support, love, prayers and encouragement. It means the world to me and helps my spirit more than I can ever express.

I’m glad my Mom-in-law and I have gotten so close over the past few years. She’s German and strong, so she can seem cold but she’s not. She’s loving and kind. I have definitely made her more affectionate with all my kisses, hugs and I love yous lol.

Until we get the pathology report back, we won’t know for sure but they think it’s lymphoma that is also in liver and chest. Her 4 kids are all hoping it’s stage 3 not stage 4, which anyone who has been through this before or has medical training knows is the difference between curable n terminal. I remember having the same hope. So while I am 99.9% certain it’s stage 4, I am not saying that to anyone except my family and friends.

For me, the biggest problem is the medical care she is receiving. She is in the hospital where my sis-in-law is a nurse. It is a decent heart hospital but personally I wouldn’t send anyone there, especially not my Mom. And they are not experts in cancer or pain. The nurses care but they are not equipped to handle severe cancer pain.

My Mom’s cancer went from her lungs to her liver, brain then bones. She had a huge brain tumor, pneumonia, pulmonary embolism, shingles and a bunch of other complications during the almost 2 years she was sick. In all that time, she was never made to suffer in the amount of pain my MIL suffered last night. I never allowed it to happen. I was there day and night because that’s how she was and how she raised me.

Finally at 2 am, after twice having to witness her screaming in pain and waiting almost an hour for pain meds, I stood over the nurse while she got the dr on the phone. I apologized, grabbed the phone and got him to agree to switch from oxycodone pill every 6 hours as needed to morphine via iv every 4 hours. I made him promise they would not wait til the pain got so bad that she was screaming. He apologized and said of course, he would take care of it. I was just happy I didn’t need to threaten hospital staff and get thrown out.

Today, she was sleeping and not in pain. My husband is staying tonight and hopefully Monday they will have answers for us when pathology report comes back. I would have moved her to a better facility today if she were my Mom.

But it’s not my call and after last night, I am relaxing tonight. She has 4 children and they all have to step up and be there for her. It sucks that they have no time to adapt but our lives are not important right now. She matters most right now.

Thank you again for all the love and well wishes. Hugs to all.

32 thoughts on “Feeling the Love”

    • emmagc75 says:
      Reply

      Thanks Ava. Im sorry u lost her. Lost mine to cancer too. But in that whole 2 years, she was never writing n screaming in pain like my MIL has. They keep upping the morphine, but she needs to be in a cancer hospital where they are equipped to handle this. But her kids don’t get it. I don’t care what’s convenient, its what’s best for her! I’m convincing my H n hopefully he can convince the others. Hugs xo.

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  4. sonofabeach96 says:
    Reply

    You’re awesome! I know this must really suck, for you. For your MIL, of course, and her kids, obviously. But I don’t know them. Well, I don’t “know” you either, but…after reading your posts, I’m sure this gets to you. I’m sure you don’t want to watch someone else you love go through this. I’m sure it triggers the time with your moms illness. I’m sorry for your family, but I’m really sorry for you. Hang in there. You know where to find me if you need an ear. :/

    Liked by 2 people

  5. bipolarsojourner says:
    Reply

    you are a wonderful dil and hence, a wonderful person. she is lucky to have someone who cares about her and is willing to be an advocate for her. heck, we could stand to have a good advocate or two. be warned, the next time i need an advocate, i’m giving you a call.

    i’ve told my story of my mom on morphine and hope and prayer you don’t have to live that.

    your story of how you could breakthrough she cold german exterior with you hugs, kisses and love shows not only the love you have for her, but for those around you and for the people whose lives you touch. i call myself fortunate to be in that last group.

    know that you and your surrounding family are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray for each and everyone affected that you will have the strength to handle whatever comes your way.

    my friend is going through something similar. her near centurion grandma fell and hurt her tailbone. a trip to the hospital showed no complications…except she couldn’t sit down. for that reason, they decided to hold her overnight. she rapidly deteriorated and it looks like that is where she will end her life. the situation has gotten so bad, that hospice has been called. i am sad for her and her family as well as you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:
      Reply

      Thanks but it’s very different n difficult. My Mom had the best care possible n we didn’t care what we had to go through to get it. She’s in a hospital completely ill equipped to manage cancer pain n its not my Mom so my hands are tied.

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  11. Melanie (DoesItEvenMatterWhoIReallyAm?) says:
    Reply

    Ohhh shit babe. I hope it’s not stage 4… I know exactly what that means. Not a chance in you know what. I’m so sorry to hear that she suffered through the night. Hospitals can be so cruel… get some rest. You need to recoup your energy to be at it again to fight for her. She’s lucky to have you on her side. I love you. đź’–

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