Love This Guy

I wrote this post while watching Joel Osteen. He is such a phenomenal motivational speaker. Even if you’re not Christian, there is still so much to get from his inspirational half hour shows.

I’m someone that has always been extremely cynical of televangelists that make tons of money from old ladies donations. So before I ever listened to him, I judged and wrote him off as another Jim Bakker or Jimmy Swaggart.

But it’s obvious there is something inherently good and right about Joel. He sells books, dvds, etc. Unlike the fake sheisters of the past, he actually gives you something for your money.

He’s funny and real. He’s had struggles in life and has worked extremely hard to achieve his success. I’m sure there’s tons of people that dislike him or what he has to say. I just like his positive and motivational messages. If they get me off the couch, thinking positive and feeling good, I’m happy!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend and going where the love is!!

| Life is Like a Roller Coaster Ride on

Photo post.

Source: | Life is Like a Roller Coaster Ride on

This REALLY helped me today! Lately, I have been happy and content. I do not feel like there anything lacking in my life. And I am very grateful about that.

But it’s always there in the back of my mind. It is a big pink elephant in the room. Sex is important and I miss it. I miss passion, intimacy and everything that goes with it. Only 1 more month and although I am scared and terrified, I will start to make plans to separate.  I cannot imagine my life without him but I also cannot remain in a sexless marriage any longer and I have no other choice.

It still seems kind of unreal to me that after 10 years, it’s come to this.  I definitely don’t think he believes that I will, which is absolutely crazy.  I don’t know what’s going through his head, I just know that as much as I love him, I cannot sacrifice that part of myself any longer than I already have.  It’s that tragic and that simple all at the same time.

Here’s to 2016 and going where the love and great sex is!!!

Your life actually becomes better because of the contrast you experience

Photo post by @joypassiondesir.

Source: Your life actually becomes better because of the contrast you experience

Ok, how much did I need to read this today?? LOL Obviously I’ve been mentally bashing myself a bit for being such a lovesick idiot for way too long.

Then I saw this! It never ceases to excite and amaze me how wonderful and the world is! If you look close enough and pay attention, everything you need will come to pass. All is as it should be. Have faith and enjoy the miraculous journey that is life.

Take A Chance

take a chance you'll never know

I really like this quote.  I think most of the amazingly life-changing things that happen in life? They happen when you close your eyes, take a deep breath and jump.  As we get older, sometimes we just get too comfortable, lazy and complacent.  I know I am guilty of this.  Sometimes my illness does play a part.  But I need to take more chances and really start living my life again.

I know I said I regret my year and a 1/2 relationship with P but if I’m honest with myself, I do not regret any of it except the ending.  I learned how fun and full of joy and laughter life can be again.  I had tons of wonderful adventures and mind-blowing sex lol.  I feel a little sad that he remains stuck and unhappy in a prison of his own making. But I guess if you have already wasted over 8 years without affection, love and sex it makes it much easier to keep wasting day after day after day.  I have never been mentally or emotionally abused, well at least not in a long term relationship.  So I have no idea what it feels like to be manipulated and lied to by a narcissist for almost 20 years.

Maybe that is the lesson I needed to learn.  That life is just too short to wait for someone to get their head out of their ass and change their life.  Sometimes we just have to accept other people’s choices and let them go.  I forgive him for being weak and addicted.  I hope he finds love again one day.But I need a man who is smart enough to grab onto me with both hands and never let me go.  A man like my husband with one big difference.  A man who LOVES sex and needs it as much as I do.

Life isn’t a video game with 3 chances to get it right.  I need a man who is smarter and braver than P. And I might need one who is more sexual and passionate than my H.  I guess time will tell.  But I have promised 3 months of counseling, then we will go from there.  Strap in folks, it’s about to get interesting to say the least 🙂

I Am Different

If you knew me in past

I am so different from the person I used to be.  This is a good thing.  I am not as selfish, spoiled and I no longer always get my own way lol.  I have loved and lost, but I am still here, laughing and living.  Life isn’t always easy, but it is worth it.