There Is NO Us vs Them

I have never glorified affairs or being the other woman. It is personal and definitely not something I am proud of or I would have my photo on my blog.

My blog is about more than one topic. It was about the end of an affair. But it’s also about depression, marriage, inspiration, narcissism, abuse and laughter.

I was a betrayed spouse long before I was ever the OW. It was the most painful situation I had ever experienced before the loss of my Mom.

That being said, I do NOT understand why so many betrayed spouses continue to hate and focus on the ow instead of placing the majority of the blame on their own husbands! When my H cheated, I didn’t like her and yes I thought she was trash. But I didn’t hate her and blame her more than him. She wasn’t my problem, HE was.

If you are focusing on, blaming and getting revenge on the woman, you are not focused on your husband, your marriage or your damaged relationship. In a way, you are letting your husbands off the hook.

What possible good comes from people making assumptions and projecting their own hurt, betrayal and anger onto strangers?

A betrayed spouse wrote this a while back. I think it’s about me.
I have been reading a blog by a married woman who was betrayed by her husband. A couple of years later she subsequently went out and had an affair of her own and has recently been caught and disclosed.
Actually I voluntarily told my H and P told his W. No one was caught.

The justification she uses for her adulterous ways confound me. Having been on the receiving end of lies told by my first husband to others in order to justify his affair, I may be projecting. I’m very sorry this woman was lied to, but she most definitely is projecting. There is no justification for an affair and hindsight is 20/20. I was in a very loving yet sexless marriage for 3 years. If it happened today would I walk away? Absolutely! But I was naive and foolish. My adulterous ways?? Um you are barking up the wrong tree there lol.

Here are some thoughts from me on the matter of this OW’s blog.

Why are you bestowing guilt on the wife who had zero knowledge of your relationship with her husband? She’s not guilty of our affair. She’s only guilty of being a fake frigid narcissist and a crappy Mother (daughter’s therapist’s opinion, but I agree).

You actually believe what your AP told you about her? If it was true, you had no business knowing any of that information – her husband breached his wife’s trust the first time he ever said anything about his marriage to you. Well if I believe him and he’s telling the truth (his Mom verified), it still doesn’t matter cause we cheated. So doesn’t matter what the truth is because you have already judged me as guilty and wrong.

The sad truth is you don’t know me and the fact that your husband hurt, lied, betrayed and cheated on you is not and never will be my fault. It’s easy to paint me as the harlot and her as the victim. Well guess what? The victim’s own family has since seen the truth since her mask is gone. His parents and sisters won’t even be in the same room with the “victim” anymore. That has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with her.

Regardless of the facts, life is NOT always black and white. Affairs suck and cause pain. They are not romantic or sexy. But the only people I feel bad for hurting is my husband and his kids. His kids are the only innocents in this whole mess. I deeply regret hurting them and also my H.

Whatever my reasons and justifications were, they are mine and NO ONE has the right to judge me except God. I am not the whore, temptress, or bunny boiler that slept with any of your husbands. We are not one size fits all just as BS are not all the same.

Stop hating and judging! When it happened to me, I took a long deep look at myself. I wasn’t to blame for his affair but I wasn’t blameless for issues in our marriage. Focus on your own lives and the good, loving women you are. Please don’t judge all of us ow as evil whores. We aren’t all shitty people but we are human.

I was a good woman in a bad situation who made a stupid decision and hurt others and myself. But I will not pay for the crimes of others. Do not confuse my kindness and compassion with weakness. It would be a mistake.