Holding On vs. Letting Go

I let him go

I have never been a woman that takes long to get over relationships. It shocks me that it has taken 8 months to finally let go of P and be at peace with shutting that door for good.  I just kept holding on because I was so certain he was my future. That he could be strong enough to break free from the cycle of narcissistic abuse.  That he would figure it out before it was too late.  He wasn’t and he didn’t.  And that’s okay because it doesn’t mean we didn’t love one another very much.  It just means he’s not ready to leave his prison of loneliness and dysfunction. I am still angry sometimes but I guess I will take anger over sadness lol.

why we hold on

This is so friggin true!! Do you want to know why I held on so tightly for so long and refused to let go?  Because most of the time it was amazing. Our love was special in a way I had never known. I have never felt that way about anyone before in my whole life.  Believe me, he wasn’t perfect at all lol! That man has more issues and baggage than an airport terminal. He was just perfect for me and I thought that I was perfect for him.  We used to marvel at how his crazy fit my crazy.  But he’s so afraid of making changes or mistakes. A lot of that is his generalized anxiety disorder.  And that’s okay because it’s his choice.  My choice is to move on without him in my life anymore.

I gave him 2 years and that was plenty of time to get his shit together.  Like DaVinci said “A life without love is no life at all.” He just thinks he’s wasted 8 years, what’s a few more months?

Well a few months was the difference between my holding on and my letting go.  We all make choices.  He’s made his to stay unhappy and unloved and I’ve made mine to cut him out of my life completely and irrevocably.  I think he really just thought I would happily wait til he was finally ready. Obviously I guess he never truly understood me.  Patience has always been a struggle for me and I admit that.  I know how short life is and I don’t intend to waste mine pining for anyone!

movingon

This quote makes me laugh because it was exactly how I felt those first few days.  It’s still hard to look back and realize just how much pain I was in.  Thankfully, I am living, finally moving on and I am happy.  I had to realize that I don’t actually NEED anyone to live, even P. I do believe there was a purpose to all of this. Unlike P, I learn from my mistakes and pain so that I don’t repeat them.  I will make new ones 😉

Go where the love and great sex is my friends!

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49 thoughts on “Holding On vs. Letting Go

  1. babysteps22 says:

    I could relate to all those lovely quotes! I have a real problem of letting even my ‘hole-y’ t-shirt go. Even though it shows more skin than it covers I always found little excuses “if I don’t lift my arm beyond this point, it’s fine” so that I wouldn’t have to part with it. I can’t even imagine how I’d be with a human being. Good for you for being brave! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • emmagc75 says:

      Thanks! I’m not quite that bad lol. But with people? Yes I definitely have a hard time letting go. I just like to think no one is disposable ya know? If we treated others as we wish to be treated, the world would be a much better place. Be well xo.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. New Journey says:

    Great quotes…I still think fondly of the man I feel head over heals in love with….even though I knew it could never be…I think of him often, not wishing for what was, but just smiling for what we had….lessons learned, if he is not free he can never be yours….I believe he still thinks of mw ad I can feel him so close sometimes…..but I wouldn’t give what I have now, am man who loves me and will never leave me….sounds like your healing….I am glad….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. jncthedc says:

    Congratulations on finding what it takes to once again begin a path toward happiness. I also think your choice of words, “Unlike P, I learn from my mistakes and pain so that I don’t repeat them. I will make new ones.” demonstrates you have grown as a result of this relationship and will continue to grow as you seek answers that are found “outside the box.”

    Liked by 1 person

        • emmagc75 says:

          I just haven’t felt this sad for a while. But I’ll be okay. My addicted brain trying to say call p call p lol. I smacked the bitch n she stopped. That isn’t gonna happen! 😄
          I know he hasn’t moved on, just stuck n unhappy. Yes a day at a time. Hugs xo!

          Like

  4. eggertl2 says:

    Good for you, I have worried that you would stumble and I’m glad to see that you are still on your feet! The memories of whatever “good” stuff there was will fade, i promise. Standing on your own feels right it right. Good luck on your quest for true love and great sex!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. samlobos says:

    I love the quotes. They went right to the soul. It’s only been a month since his decision to stay and two weeks of absolutely no contact and It feels like I’m going to miss him forever. It’s hard to let go. It’s nice to know that time really does heal. I also liked what you said about it not meaning that you didn’t love each other, but that he just wasn’t ready. I think that’s what happened in my situation as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. quietlylurkingaround says:

    I think he really just thought I would happily wait til he was finally ready. Obviously I guess he never truly understood me.– YES YES YES!! It was exactly the same for me. I think 3-4 years is a long enough wait. I took the wait and flushed that bad boy down the toilet with the load of crap I had been hearing for years! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

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